Always by hailfabio - WriteWords.org.uk

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Always

by hailfabio

Posted: 18 March 2009
Word Count: 24
Summary: Soppy/Sorry

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I'm with you,
always.
I'm in love with you,
always.
I'm in a dream with you,
and I never want to wake up,
always.

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FelixBenson at 20:55 on 19 March 2009 Report this post

Aw - very romatic. Spring must have sprung!!
I chuckled when when I saw your 'Soppy/Sorry' summary text though - and thought maybe it would be a good title for the poem, but perhaps that would be too much of a British way of undercutting the genuine sentiment that comes through here.

I also wondered if you needed that 'and' in the second to last line...? I think it might keep its incantatory flow better without it.

I hope that if this is written for someone in particular, that they've seen it. You can't beat a bit of love poetry

Kirsty

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freynolds at 13:26 on 20 March 2009 Report this post

I am not sure if the subject of this love exists. Is it a dream? Is it someone from the past? It is unclear and for that reason I like it.

I have been re-reading you poem several times and I would perhaps suggest removing the final "always" I don't think you need it. By ending the poem with "and I never want to wake up" the mystery remains.

Best wishes,

Fabienne

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hailfabio at 16:16 on 20 March 2009 Report this post

Thanks for commenting - it actually is about someone and she's seen it, she liked it thankfully.

I'm glad I captured the effect of it not being real, kind of - as if a love that good could only be a dream.

I think 'Soppy/Sorry' could be a title, although not sure if humour if appropriate to the poem.

Cheers Stephen

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