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Seasonal expectation
Posted: 14 March 2009
Word Count: 59
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Version II
Outside
Spring is heard;
the joyous singing
of
whatever bird that is.
In her
heart she longs
for fulfilment with
just
whatever
will make her happy.
Version I
Outside
Spring is heard;
the joyous singing
of
whatever that bird is.
In her
heart she longs
for fulfilment with
just
a hint of whatever
will make her happy.
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Comments by other Members
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 Tina at 09:45 on 15 March 2009
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Hello Joanie - it feels like a long time since I have 'spoken' with you - hope you are well??? I am surprised to be the first to comment on this poem but now I see you only posted it yesterday.!!!DUH!
Anyway enough ramblings - I am enjoying spring too and my garden has been calling me - thus the lack of time for posting here or anywhere else! I enjoyed your writing about Spring springing forth and the many birds singing their joyful songs - it is indeed a great pleasure so thanks for reminding us with this lovely poem.
Tina
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 V`yonne at 14:56 on 15 March 2009
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I love the humour of that third line, Joanie. It raises this above the ordinary. I thought perhaps the symetry could be carried better if whatever started the final line. Is this a specific form? If not a hint of isn't really needed.
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 joanie at 14:03 on 16 March 2009
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Thanks, Tina and Oonah. No, it isn't a specific form, Oonah; I often just get carried away with syllable counts and patterns. I think you're right about the 'hint' bit. I've posted a second version above.
Thanks again
Joan
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 FelixBenson at 15:22 on 16 March 2009
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Hi Joanie
I think I agree with Oonah and the second version is better. I like the idea behind this poem. That we know that Spring is here because the birds sing so, even if we don't know exactly what she sings for or what bird she is. Lovely idea expressed without a word wasted, as usual.
Cheers, Kirsty
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 James Graham at 21:21 on 16 March 2009
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Hello, Joanie - It's not like you to use a couple of words too many! But you soon made it perfect.
I like the form - there seems to be a shrug in the space before each 'whatever', especially before the second. And the two parts of the poem are so well balanced and set off against each other. The first 'whatever' is quite casual, just indicating not knowing what particular bird it is, but the second has more resonance - it's love, artistic fulfilment, realisation of ambition, all the big things. The two 'whatevers' seem subtly different in more ways than one; I'm still working on that.
Like the woman in the poem, I haven't a clue as to identifying birds - even though my childhood was spent in a country cottage surrounded by woods! But we don't need to know what kind of bird it is in order to be uplifted by its song.
Perhaps 'whatever bird that is'? Similar word order to the question 'What(ever) bird is that?'
James.
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joanie at 00:55 on 17 March 2009
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Thank you, James. Yes, I think the slight re-wording is good. I've changed it rather than adding 'Version III'.
Much appreciated, as always!
joanie
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freynolds at 08:47 on 18 March 2009
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A very refreshing poem. Version II is good. Thank you Joanie for reminding us of the little things we so often take for granted. I often look out in the garden and watch the birds feast on the bird cake we place for them. They are all regulars and even though I do not know for sure, I have assumed their names and gender.
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joanie at 19:36 on 19 March 2009
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Sorry, Fabienne, I didn't see your response. Yes, it's good to watch them, isn't it?
Thanks!
joanie
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Comments by other Members
