Fossil Footprints
Posted: 04 March 2009 Word Count: 209 Summary: Flash 1 challenge: a corner of my garden
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A flat stone, from a nearby beach, now sits at the base of a small water-fall that tumbles into a fish pond where three fat goldfish idly swim, their mouths open in readiness to eat some drowning insect while, like solid, brown curls, water snails float on the surface.
Imprinted on that flat stone, large fossil talons, splayed out in readiness to grab a passing fish, are frozen in time, but their ponderous intent still shimmers.
Beside the pond, Buddha reclines wearing an ivy toga to conceal his plumpness, but those ivy suckers resist the temptation to scramble over his laughing face that peers upwards to look through the boughs of a pear tree.
A light breeze stirs and scatters a white petal path that leads to the stone bird bath where a blackbird splashes, and perched on a damson branch, close by, it’s mate waits for her chance to preen and clean feathers.
Below the bird bath, a tortoise extends his reptilian head catching dappled sunlight that warms his neck and hard shell; an oiled shell that protects his fragile body.
Then a woodlouse ambles past and his wide mouth extends to devour this tiny creature that once, eons ago, emerged from the sea abandoning his crustacean family.
Comments by other Members
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V`yonne at 17:46 on 04 March 2009
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Imprinted on that flat stone, large fossil talons, splayed out in readiness to grab a passing fish, are frozen in time, but their ponderous intent still shimmers. |
| is just brill Beautiful descriptions Jennifer - a real eye for detail.
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Bunbry at 19:36 on 04 March 2009
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I liked the Ivy toga. By a strange coincidence I have a couple I wear at weekends...
Good work as usual, hitting cracking form at the moment Jennifer!
Nick
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Forbes at 20:43 on 04 March 2009
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Jennifer
Rich, intense details of this scene, here. But I found the short paragraphs and very long sentences... distracting.
Yes - some really lovely phrases in this, but I stall as I read it.
I am sorry to be a nit picker.
Avis
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Jordan789 at 04:03 on 05 March 2009
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This is: zen garden meets the discovery channel, with I'm trying to think of who should get to be the narrator someone with a rich and deep voice, and proper.
The sentences... really. I see no benefit from having them so long, and they can be confusing. I know I've commented on them before. i'm curious what tiny creature the woodlouse eats at the end? is it the tortoise? somewhat confused wording. Oh, I see. The tortoise eats the woodlouse. For some reason I thought of the wood grouse, which is, well, wrong. The woodlouse are known as rolly-polly's from my childhood. hah.
Jordan
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tusker at 07:30 on 05 March 2009
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Thanks Nick.
There's an image in my mind of you wearing a toga. I prefer your red toga. It suits you.
Jennifer
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tusker at 07:35 on 05 March 2009
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Thanks Avis.
Yes, the sentences are long. It sort of came out that way.
Jennifer
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tusker at 07:42 on 05 March 2009
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Thanks Jordan.
It's my inner voice as I watch from one corner of my garden during an early summer moment.
We call them Granny Grumps. There's a lot of them in my small compost heap.
A Discovery Channel narrator? Now that's a good, painless job to have. Trouble is I prefer listening.
Jennifer
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rosiedlm at 18:33 on 06 March 2009
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Great descriptions that took me there. The only bit I fell over was the last section. At first I thought the woodlouse had eaten something but on re-reading I realised it was the tortoise eating the woodlouse. Might just be that you've used a paragraph break. Just a thought.
I did get a real sense of that corner of your garden, though.
Best,
Rosie
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crowspark at 15:03 on 07 March 2009
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Lovely description, Jennifer leaving beautiful images in my mind. A very good response to the challenge.
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Prospero at 12:42 on 08 March 2009
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Very fine, Jennifer, very Zen. Lovely, tranquil, images I actually felt calmer reading this.
Thank you
Best
John
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tusker at 13:59 on 08 March 2009
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Thanks John, glad it calmed you.
Too cold to sit and watch at present, but soon, hopefully very soon.
Jennifer
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