Login   Sign Up 



 

Looking upward

by joanie 

Posted: 19 February 2009
Word Count: 78
Summary: Flash Poetry Week 37 Challenge


Font Size
 


Printable Version
Print Double spaced


The winter air was cold
in the extreme.

Age was proving
to be far more
difficult
than he ever imagined.

Too many days
had passed by

too many nights
had been spent alone

too many dreams
had disappeared

too many notes
had been left unsung.

Walking the tightrope
looked so easy
from the ground

but up here
itís scary.

Always looking
upward, to avoid
dizziness

he walked back
home from the station
into the rest of his life.










Favourite this work Favourite This Author


Comments by other Members



V`yonne at 20:58 on 19 February 2009  Report this post
I like this one too. The end is interesting too. There must be something about those phrases that leads to angst and hopelessness, mustn't there...

It would be interesting to do this again sometime with 4 different phrases that all have a brightness about them

he/she/it danced
first spring rain
garland
laughter/song

It's like the phrases created a mood all their own and sucked us all in. they remind me of watching Brief Encounter. I can hear Rachmaminov!


joanie at 21:05 on 19 February 2009  Report this post
Thanks for reading, Oonah. I thought exactly the same; these phrases seem to be bringing out the same feel to each of the poems.

It would be interesting to do this again sometime with 4 different phrases
Perhaps we could do this next week...... I am away from tomorrow until next Wednesday! Would you like to lead the next challenge?

Joan



BaMc at 23:00 on 19 February 2009  Report this post
You've pulled it off with finesse, Joanie! But again that sombre note! Still I like your structure with the repeat of 'too many..' and the idea of being aged as walking the high wire - good one.

Yes, a cheerier challenge next week - I feel a hint of spring in the air...

V`yonne at 23:31 on 19 February 2009  Report this post
I'll do that Joanie. I'll ask for phrases with a light tone and see what we come up with and we'll base it on that. You should have time to join in when you return This is fun!

joanie at 23:52 on 19 February 2009  Report this post
Thanks Barbara. .... and thanks, Oonah. I'll leave next week in your capable hands, then! That's excellent.

joanie

Findy at 07:42 on 20 February 2009  Report this post
Hi Joanie

Liked this especially

but up here
itís scary.

Always looking
upward, to avoid
dizziness


Looking forward to cheerier (is there a word or have I just coined a new word) words for next time then


findy


<Added>

Barbara you have used 'cheerier' too...I am so muddled now ...

FelixBenson at 10:34 on 20 February 2009  Report this post
Oh this is very good, Joanie, I like the clean simplicity of the lines :
too many dreams
had disappeared

too many notes
had been left unsung.


And the central idea

Always looking
upward, to avoid
dizziness


And the way you manage to break up 'extreme' from 'age' - very wily - very effective!!
This challenge has brought out some great work I think - mine I am still struggling with! I do agree that there are a lot of dark tones...but a lot of positivity too! Yours is 'Looking upward' after all, I don't think that is a negatove message - and we have findy's final lines. Maybe what we have is a bitter sweet tone too...

I will try and post mine before the deadline

joanie at 11:35 on 20 February 2009  Report this post
Findy and Kirsty, many thanks!
joanie

V`yonne at 11:44 on 20 February 2009  Report this post
Hey Joanie - I added a new one to mine - an up-beat version for these phrases... ;

Nella at 14:39 on 20 February 2009  Report this post
Excellent Joanie - I like the repetion of the "too many".

I thought this was a fun excercise, too. And thought it might be a good one for over in poetry seminar, if anybody checks into there anymore...

joanie at 15:36 on 20 February 2009  Report this post
Thanks, Robin. Yes it would be good for PS.

joanie


To post comments you need to become a member. If you are already a member, please log in .