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Man Trap

by tusker 

Posted: 18 February 2009
Word Count: 195
Summary: Flash 2 challenge: cellar, sorrow, mouse.


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Freddie wept. Around him, in that damp, darkness, his terrible sorrow echoed at the loss of his partner, children, grandparents, aunties and many cousins.

Freddie, only days earlier, having left his domain in search of larger, warmer premises for his ever extending family, had returned to find furry bodies twisted in their final hours of agony.

Stunned, he squeaked in disbelief and horror at the sight of those pathetic corpses lying amongst the remains of blue, poisoned pellets.

After Freddie’s tears dried, he spent the rest of his days gnawing at wood; a demented mouse crazed with grief and fury.

Then a week later, Freddie let out a long, anguished screech that reverberated around the cellar’s dank walls, and from above the sound of running footsteps reached him.

Suddenly the cellar door flew open. Feet came pounding down the steps, and as those feet pounded, the staircase collapsed sending splinters of gnawed wood flying like shrapnel in all directions.

Above the noise of destruction, a man’s terrified scream filled the dark space, resounding off crates, two old TV’s and a defunct refrigerator as he lay paralysed, unable to stop Freddie chewing at his fleshy face.






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Comments by other Members



V`yonne at 12:49 on 18 February 2009  Report this post
A most vengeful mouse - not that I blame him and thank you for contributing, Jennifer. I loved the detailed description of the cellar.

I hate killing mice - have had to do so twice in my life - a nasty business killing when you're not going to eat...

tusker at 15:19 on 18 February 2009  Report this post
I like mice, Oonah. Hate rats.

We've got wood mice in the garden. They dash in and out collecting dropped bird seed.

Jennifer

V`yonne at 16:29 on 18 February 2009  Report this post
I don't mind any animal in its place - my house is not the place...

Nella at 16:29 on 18 February 2009  Report this post
Oooh, watch out for those mice! Poor creatures, but a nasty end for the man!

tusker at 16:44 on 18 February 2009  Report this post
Apart from your cat, Oonah.

I'm sure no mouse would dare get to close to its claws when Space is not sleeping, of course.

Jennifer

tusker at 16:44 on 18 February 2009  Report this post
Thanks Robin.

I'm in a vengeful mood this week.

Jennifer

Findy at 18:46 on 18 February 2009  Report this post
Enjoyed the story Jennifer...funny, I got cellar and rat ...am thinking of drawing the lots again

findy

tusker at 07:40 on 19 February 2009  Report this post
Hope they're tame ones, Findy.

Jennifer

Findy at 09:23 on 19 February 2009  Report this post
I meant for the challenge I picked up 'cellar' and 'rat' LOL



Nik Perring at 13:25 on 19 February 2009  Report this post
Brill!

Prospero at 13:53 on 19 February 2009  Report this post
Ah, the biter, bit.

My favourite story along these lines was the man who caught a mouse and threw it onto a pile of rubbish he was burning in the garden. The poor creature ran into the the man's house where his burning fur set fire to the curtains. The house burned to the ground.

Sad little story, Jennifer.

Best

John

Diane Becker at 15:10 on 19 February 2009  Report this post
I like the image of Freddie gnawing away at the wood, a 'demented mouse, crazed with grief and fury'(obviously I feel sorry for him but ...!) - a lovely twist in the tail (sic!) at the end too!



tusker at 15:42 on 19 February 2009  Report this post
Thanks John.

A Mouse's Revenge trilogy might happen after this.

Jennifer

tusker at 15:43 on 19 February 2009  Report this post
Thanks Diane. Glad you lied the twisted tale.

Jennifer

tusker at 15:44 on 19 February 2009  Report this post
Thanks Nik.

Jennifer


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