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Move on

by jackstar 

Posted: 11 February 2009
Word Count: 123
Summary: well this is about a woman who fell in love with a abusive man and when they broke up the guy starting stalking her and she eventully blew up

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I fell in love with a Warlock
He sold me the portion of deceit disguised as love
Like poison ivy you twisted my thoughts
I was wrapped around your finger like a cocoon
Like a butterfly I broke free
In my freedom I embraced liberty
As I flapped my wings to freedom
I experienced the four letter words

Hate is the four words I have for you
Like an icy winter morning
So are my feelings
Disgust is what you invoke
My heart beats to the rhythm of hate
Its roots are imbedded in my soul

Stalking me like a werewolf
Cold Blooded like a vampire you are
Sucking me dry with your neediness
Clinging to me like a leach

Move on Dude

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Comments by other Members

Neezes at 13:39 on 29 December 2010  Report this post
Hey, well strong emotions which is good in a poem, I though some of it was too upfront for my tastes though, yet without the summary at the top I don't think I'd have known what it was actually about so perhaps think about some way of tying together the emotion and the subject matter as you redraft.

The structure is good, but I'd skip the last line. Also,
Hate is the four words I have for you
didn't understand that line!

In my view a good basis for a poem but needs some redrafting.

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