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revised synopsis bear necessities

by Rosey 

Posted: 04 February 2009
Word Count: 1334


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Two young friends, TOM and JAY, become embroiled in a dispute about a bear when Tom dares Jay to break into the local zoo. On one side of the dispute, a cruel and heartless businessman Barry Stowe who wants the bear killed and made into an animatronic robot for his headquarters. On the other, disorganised and thoughtless “Eco-warriors” are intent on releasing the ageing bear into the wild.

Daredevil Tom takes up the challenge as a way of overcoming his fear of bears which are causing him terrible nightmares. This was caused by a camping trip where a combination os his thoughtless, lack of understanding of wild animals and a electric fence failure cause him to have far too close an encounter with a real life bear.

His parents have threatened to put him in therapy so when the creatively-minded Jay wraps up the bet as a neat way of both overcoming Tom’s fear and avoiding seeing a therapist, he simply can’t refuse.

The urgency for action is underlined when a zoo worker leaks the news that the bear, Saron, is going to be put down as the zoo closes instead of being found a new home. The problem with finding a new home has been deliberately manipulated by the businessman.

As the TV station cheesily reports on the bear's plight, the hungry bear is drawn to the front of the enclosure by the smell of fresh food. The resulting great images ensure top billing on the local news and cause an outcry. A disorganised bunch of self-styled ecowarriors decide to effect a breakout, led by their selfish emotions. They care more about feeling good about themselves than judging if what they're planning is in the bear's interests.

Infiltrated by Barry Stowe’s sinister and amoral security company, after he becomes aware of their plans, they are being unwittingly used as a means to ensure his ends.

Meanwhile Tom, who is nothing if not thorough, has been monitoring the comings and goings during the late evening from his bedroom window opposite the entrance as well as overcoming his fear during the day. As he gets closer to the bear physically, he begins to become closer to him and his plight emotionally.

Noticing a suspicious van which is being parked near the eco-warriors and concerned that something might cause him to lose his bet, he calls Jay and they both sneak out and go to investigate.

Finding the main gate broken open, they cautiously enter, Tom aware that the usual security company is due to make its round soon and that timing is not great. The alarm has been circumvented by one of Stowe’s allies and there is a commotion and movement from the direction of the bear enclosure.

The ecowarriors manage to tranquillise Saron the bear and are making their way back. Tom and Jay are desperate to get a picture but have to back out. Retreating out of the entrance they see a van approaching. Desperate to avoid trouble jump into the back of the eco-warriors truck.

The car is driven by one of the eco-warriors picking up some of the crew to go ahead to the unsuitable spot that they have chosen to release the bear.Unknown to them a Grovelands security team are ready to cause an incident and shoot the bear ‘by accident’ .

Tom and Jay have no way out and are forced to take refuge in the truck. Trapped in the van, they hear one of the warriors reporting progress to Grovelands. Realising they and the bear are in danger they retreat further to the end of the truck hiding behind the container that is ready for the tranquillised bear.

Jay quick wittedly realises that Tom’s older cousin Tara who originally took him on the bear trip lives close to the first rendezvous point. The resourceful and woods-wise Tara fortunately answers the call. Living on her parents’ outdoor centre she has the contacts, skills and family love for her younger cousin to come to the rescue. Obviously the nstinct for daredevil actions runs in the blood!

While the first set of ecowarriors wait for the rest of the team in the truck stop, they are distracted by the needs of one of their colleagues wounded earlier. Tara takes the opportunity to get into the truck, free the boys and take off to a safer place before the bear comes to.

Dazed and groggy the bear is beginning to wake up. It still has the vague memory of its time before it was captured.

Hiding in a quiet road in the woodland Tara parks up and makes camp while they plan their next step. Tom is back in the woods with a bear, but it’s not the bear that is potentially threatening his existence.

Grovelands step up the chase and get as many cars and operatives after them as possible, covering all the bases. They are organised and determined.

While the eco-warriors are faced with the world-shattering discovery they have been used, Tara and the boys aim to meet up with a friend of hers, a ranger who can solve their problem. Unfortunately on their way they realise they are being followed.

Backtracking and taking all the routes she can think of, the shadowy vehicles get closer. The phone rings in the cab as one of the eco-warriors warns them who is on their trail.

Finally Tara and the boys head for the upmarket lodge which she knew from a former summer job. Run by two particularly unpleasant women and their inept husbands Tara hopes that the gun-carrying security men will not follow. This happens to be a lodge that Barry Stowe know well and which he has flown up to in order to be close to the bear’s body and ensure nothing goes wrong for him.

Trying all ways out of the estate, across all the entrances, Tara finds her way blocked by waiting cars. After a near miss at one of the exits, Jay is captured and hurt.

Driving back to the entrance of the lodge Tara thinks she and Tom will be safe, but is confronted by Barry Stowe who orders the gates to be opened to the security men who bring Jay in.

The ranger is speeding down the lanes, hoping to be in time to prevent a tragedy. If the bear is let loose and exits the van, the men will have the perfect excuse to shoot him. Tom keeps in touch with him by phone as the atmosphere gets increasingly tense.

The security men drag Jay out and force Tom and Tara to choose between leaving the bear and saving his friend. They have to choose Jay, but cross their fingers.

Saron is alone in the truck. Barry Stowe motions the security people to get the bear out to ‘check if it is ok’. Horrified Tom, Tara and the wounded Jay watch them approach the van fearing Saron will charge out.

However, Saron will not move. He is old and frightened and freezes. Barry Stowe’s plan is beginning to unravel. He is losing control of the situation, as Barry becomes more distracted and loses his patience, Tom runs forward as Tara and Jay run towards the approaching ranger. Tom runs towards the van and stands in the way of Saron and the threat to his life. He has overcome his fear well and truly and now stands up for the environment.

The ranger has brought with him back ups and the security firm begin to back off and melt away: they are extremely publicity shy.

Saron and Tom regard each other. The intelligent Saron knows him by smell and sight from the zoo and the truck and is comfortable with him. Tom is face to face with nature in the raw and it’s ok.

He has found his inner strength, has learnt to take responsibility and will go on to be a more effective guardian of nature and wildlife than any of the failed eco-warriors.






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Comments by other Members



Dwriter at 20:15 on 04 February 2009  Report this post
Hey Rosey. First of all, thanks for posting one of the funniest opening lines in a synopsis "two men become embroiled in an arguement about a bear". I think that's a fantastic opening line and it really caught my attention. I'm assuming this is supposed to be a comedy? Either way, it's a great opener that makes you want to read on. I think the key for any synopsis is to make sure that you have the readers attention in the first few lines. It's a trick not everyone can pull off, but you nailed it here.

I'm assuming this is something that you plan to submit to agents? The one thing I found about it was that it was maybe a little too long it could probably do with some editing to make it fit onto one page (if it doesn't already). However, I am no expert on this subject myself, I'm only saying my thoughts about it. But keep up the good work and I hope you get this published.

Sorry if that advice was a little short. I just wanted to compliment you on the opening line.

Rosey at 20:49 on 04 February 2009  Report this post
Thanks. Actually the first line was a suggestion from someone else that I too thought was great!

NMott at 20:49 on 04 February 2009  Report this post
Hi, This gives a good description of the plot.
It is best if you can summarise the bottom two thirds, which are currently more like a chapter-by-chapter outline rather than a synopsis. a synopsis aims to give an overview of the plot (preferably focusing on the main character).


[quote]As the TV station cheesily reports on the bear's plight, the hungry bear is drawn to the front of the enclosure by the smell of fresh food. The resulting great images ensure top billing on the local news and cause an outcry[/quote].

The focus is on Tom and his friends, so what are the consequences of this for them? Does this have a link to Tom and Jay's the bet? If not, then it is a sub-plot and I think you can leave this out of the synopsis.


A disorganised bunch of self-styled ecowarriors decide to effect a breakout, led by their selfish emotions. You've explained it better in the following sentence so I think you can delete this bit. They care more about feeling good about themselves than judging if what they're planning is in the bear's interests.

[quote]Infiltrated by Barry Stowe’s sinister and amoral security company, after he becomes aware of their plans, they are being unwittingly used as a means to ensure his ends[/quote].

- Good, but it's not clear who have been infiltrated.

Meanwhile Tom, who is nothing if not thorough, has been monitoring the comings and goings during the late evening from his bedroom window opposite the entrance as well as overcoming his fear during the day. this sticks out a bit. I think it could be deleted As he gets closer to the bear physically, he begins to become closer to him and his plight emotionally.

[quote]Noticing a suspicious van which is being parked near the eco-warriors and concerned that something might cause him to lose his bet, he calls Jay and they both sneak out and go to investigate.[/quote]

ok

[quote]Finding the main gate broken open, they cautiously enter,
...
...
...
Tara takes the opportunity to get into the truck, free the boys and take off to a safer place before the bear comes to. [/quote]

All ths section is too detailed and needs to be summarised as in the earlier paragraphs.


[quote]Dazed and groggy the bear is beginning to wake up. It still has the vague memory of its time before it was captured.[/quote]

This is the bear's pov. It is best to stick to Tom's pov.

[quote]Hiding in a quiet road in the woodland Tara parks up and makes camp while they plan their next step. Tom is back in the woods with a bear, but it’s not the bear that is potentially threatening his existence.[quote]

The first sentence is un-necessary, but the part about Tom is good.

[quote]Grovelands step up the chase and get as many cars and operatives after them as possible, covering all the bases. They are organised and determined.
...
...
...
However, Saron will not move. He is old and frightened and freezes.
[/quote]

Again too much detail in these paragraphs that need to be summarised as an overview of events, espacially from Tom's pov.


[quote]Barry Stowe’s plan is beginning to unravel. He is losing control of the situation, as Barry becomes more distracted and loses his patience,

He has overcome his fear well and truly and now stands up for the environment.

He has found his inner strength, has learnt to take responsibility and will go on to be a more effective guardian of nature and wildlife than any of the failed eco-warriors.[/quote]

Good sentences.

Is this really the end?


- NaomiM


<Added>

Now you have the motives of the various characters/groups it does read like a good story. The thing to concentrate as you cut down the detail, is why they are doing it, rather than get bogged down in the where, when and how.

<Added>

You are aiming for one side of A4. Also, as with prose, read it aloud to make sure you haven't missed out or mispelt any words. I did spot a few, but haven't flagged them up at this stage in the process.

<Added>

Just to add that the majority of synopses go through this stage, so keep going with it, it'll all come together in the end. :)


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