|
|
 |
Comfy Pair Of Slippers
Posted: 03 November 2003
Word Count: 55
|
Font Size
|
|
I am not enough,
or just not right
to satisfy you.
I try,
with zesty fight,
to be just right -
the me which might
intoxicate you.
For others, I
just do not try,
yet they,
beguiled,
long to be near me.
Should I indulge
their fantasies,
feed their needs?
Will then you hear me?
|
Comments by other Members
| |
 Fearless at 10:19 on 03 November 2003
 Report this post
|
BoBo
Often is the case they don't realise what they have until they lose it....but if they have potential, are worth it, its worth sticking around.....don't be the comfy slipper...be the stilleto that stamps on his testes of obliviousness
F
| |
roovacrag at 10:23 on 03 November 2003
Report this post
|
No doubt in my mind that you would cherish any man.There loss if they walk away. like this one.xx al
| |
Bobo at 10:28 on 03 November 2003
Report this post
|
I won't walk away. Like the idea of being a giant scarlet strappy stiletto Fearless - I'd give an almighty kick somewhere painful...a real wake-up call!
BoBo x
| |
|
|
Ticonderoga at 15:09 on 03 November 2003
Report this post
|
Painful, but beautiful; I agree with the guys, in every respect, but, may I suggest one tiny change? Cheek with a poem as rawly real as this, but I think the end would have more punch as
Then will you hear me?
Love & Mercy,
Mike
| |
Ellenna at 15:17 on 03 November 2003
Report this post
|
Bobo.. this says so much about not being valued or appreciated..do what you have to do!!
Ellie:)
| |
Bobo at 18:03 on 03 November 2003
Report this post
|
Thanks guys - great words of encouragement both re my writing and my dilemma. Nobody ever said relationships were easy!
Hugs,
Lisa x
| |
poemsgalore at 18:28 on 03 November 2003
Report this post
|
I was going to suggest "Will you then hear me" but Mike's version is even better. This really hits the spot.
| |
Bobo at 08:05 on 04 November 2003
Report this post
|
Thanks, I'm still deciding whether to change it - watch this space...
BoBo x
| |
Fearless at 08:37 on 04 November 2003
Report this post
|
BoBo
Interesting options. I like all of them, although the way your original line stands, there is a pause, almost a sigh, as you say 'will then'. Almost mournful. But then again, I have no idea what I am talking about.
F
| |
|
|
|
|
tinyclanger at 16:21 on 06 November 2003
Report this post
|
BoBo
This is fantastic. I really love it. So sparse, yet speaks volumes. Great rhythm, pace and rhyme, just flows off the tongue as one reads. And so bloody true, too!
| |
| |
Comments by other Members
