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The Injection

by keithhodges 

Posted: 28 January 2009
Word Count: 150
Summary: I flash about getting the contraceptive injection.


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“So you’re here about contraception?”

The thin door echoed her words into the waiting room.

“Yes, I want the injection I’ve got it here from the chemist.”

The girl pulled out a small white box from her pocket, inside was her jab.

“I’m new you know, I’ve never done this before, does it go in your leg? Or arm? Or buttock?”

The girl, so young, grew more nervous and unsettled; injections weren’t ‘her thing’.

“Where are the instructions, have you read them? You probably should.”

“Yes, flicked through them earlier.”

The room seemed to have grown in the time poor Lauren had been in there.

“Right pop yourself on the bed; you know you have to use another type of contraception for the next few weeks; like condoms, which you should be using anyway.”

“Ok, I’ll do that.”

She jumped off the bed, and left with an aching right buttock.






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Comments by other Members



Bunbry at 10:58 on 29 January 2009  Report this post
Hi Keith, welcome to the group. A nice little piece which I would call a vignette, rather than a story. That's because it doesn't have a plot as such. But people will often write in that style in this group so that's fine.

Nick

tusker at 12:00 on 29 January 2009  Report this post
Hi Keith,

Glad you joined us.

As Nick says, it's a good flash and topical.

A vignette, true, but you've created a mental picture in my mind which makes me want to know why your obviously young MC is having a contraception injection?

Is it peer pressure? Adolescent promiscuity? An acne problem?

But that's maybe another story.

Jennifer

Nik Perring at 12:32 on 29 January 2009  Report this post
Hi Keith and welcome.

I enjoyed this. And I'm one who definitely likes the vignette; being shown a picture of something can be just as satisfying as a plot driven story (as long as there's a point to it).

Nik

LMJT at 13:14 on 29 January 2009  Report this post
Hi Keith,

I liked this, it was snappy and fun.

Just a small nitpick, you don't seem to punctuate at the end of speech:

“Where are the instructions, have you read them? You probably should”


“Yes, flicked through them earlier”


“Ok, I’ll do that”


You need full stops before the last speech mark in each, but that's probably just a formatting error.

Thanks for the read.

Liam


keithhodges at 10:20 on 30 January 2009  Report this post
Thanks guys, I look forward to sharing work with you all!

Keith x

Cholero at 23:22 on 30 January 2009  Report this post
Hi Keith

Nice depiction of a poignant experience. V fresh, immediate.

The room seemed to have grown in the time poor Lauren had been in there.
- v nice.

Dialogue v natural and realistic, sounds like you have a natural ear there.

Best

Pete



Nella at 10:25 on 01 February 2009  Report this post
Hi Keith, nice you joined us.
The others have pointed out already what I would have mentioned, too. Keep up the good work, and see you next week?
Cheers,
Robin



Prospero at 15:42 on 15 February 2009  Report this post
Hi Keith

Good to have you with us.

As Nick says this is a vignette, but a nice little piece, none the less. Well done.

Best

Prosp


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