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Not sure yet

by MarkA 

Posted: 24 January 2009
Word Count: 2636
Summary: I wrote around 4000 words in two days, I have never written anything before in my life. My English qualifications are 0, I really have no idea of how to lay things out and punctuation, I have just put it as I felt it should be. I am not the type of person to be under any self disillusionment so please be harsh and fair. It is more or less as it came out of my head. So if it’s rubbish and I have no hope tell me so I can stop. Thanks to anyone who spends the time reading it.


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Rayton Drew sat in his study, feet on his desk and lost in thought staring at the night sky outside. His gaze moved from the window back to the old leather bound book under his hand. The embossed gold script felt smooth as he idly picked out the lettering with his finger.
One lone candle burned on his desk next to a plate with the remains of a half eaten meal. Between the firelight and the candle he could just make out the hundreds of books on the shelves in his study.
The books had taken him and his father years to gather. The entire study dedicated to one subject, an ancient race of people called the Talis and a small black tablet with gold script upon it. He knew the tablet was important somehow but wasn't sure why. The writings of the Talis talked of this tablet with great importance and its location was kept hidden and heavily guarded.
He could still hear revellers two streets away, the inn would be closing soon and the body would be found. The guards would know it was him because he had left a letter from Rayton Drew on the corpse. The letter had instructions to meet him at the Drunken Duck inn where he placed the body in the stables.
Stupid name for an inn he thought to himself, he smiled, the inn keeper must have a good sense of humour.
There came a sudden banging on the door, he became instantly alert but he was expecting it. He stood and made his way to the door, the hammering came again "Ok Ok I am coming!" He shouted.
As he opened the door he expected to see Royal Guards dressed in purple and gold with white tabards bearing the royal crest of Teserra.
"Ale?". "What the......"
Rayton looked at the man, he had crossed paths with him quite a few times in the past. He was strange to say the least. He had the look of a holy man in a hooded robe but his clothes were expensive silk and not that of a lowly monk. He was tall and muscular with long white hair but did not look old. He claimed he was a merchant peddling herbs at their first meeting but Rayton suspected there was more to him than he let on.
At his waist hung a long very finely crafted dagger that Rayton suspected he could use very well and he was also sure he carried some other kind of weapon up the voluminous sleeves of his robes. Ale carried himself with much confidence and seemed to know to much about things he shouldn't.
"What the hell are you doing here this time of night? Come to think of it how do you know where I live?" Rayton looked at Ale closely. Although he had bumped into him at various places in the past he had never seen him in his home town and had certainly never told him where he lived.
Ale had always been a good kind of fellow, they had bought each other drinks on many occasions and had talked for many hours about different cities and cultures as they both travelled though.
"You had better leave, the guards are coming and if you are here when they arrive you will be arrested along with me"
"The guards will not arrive Rayton Drew."
Rayton looked at Ale in shocked surprise "And how would you know this Ale?"
Ale looked him in the eye. "Because I have the letter from the corpse and the corpse is now gone"
Rayton eyed Ale with concern and confusion.
"It is cold tonight Rayton Drew and I have no bed for the night."
Rayton looked at Ale with raised brows "Dimmitt man do you often invite yourself into peoples homes so freely?" Rayton shook his head in disbelief.
Ale bowed gracefully with a warm smile on his face and walked into the hall.
"Come through to my study, it’s the only warm room in the house at the moment."
Ale nodded and followed Rayton. As they entered there was a welcoming warmth from the fire and Ale walked over to warm his hands.
Rayton closed the door behind him, walked to his desk and stood with his hands on the back of his chair staring intently at Ale. "So Ale, now you have my hospitality it is your turn to return the favour and explain what's going on."
"But I have already done you a great service Rayton Drew, I saved you from hanging did I not?"
"Ale I was trying to get arrested for murder!"
Ale bowed his head once "This I suspected Rayton Drew."
Rayton cursed in exasperation. "Ale why are you so bloody secretive"? Dimmitt man you wouldn't even tell me your name when we first met and still haven't to this day! Am I to call you Ale forever?"
Ale took a small chair from the corner of the room and sat by the fire with hands outstretched. "Rayton Drew, it is up to you what you call me but I do have a story to tell. Please sit and listen and you will understand. I see from the books you have here that you are interested in that ancient long gone people called the Talis. I also know you are searching for the black tablet."
Rayton frowned and looked at Ale suspiciously.
"Do not think you are the only one looking for this tablet Rayton Drew, there is I and others looking for the same thing. I have been searching for 30 years or more and the others much much longer.
"I did not realise how important this tablet was until I met you many years ago and read your journals."
Rayton shot up out of his chair "How dare you! What gives you the right to go through my private things!"
Ale grimaced "Please sit and you will understand. Please?" Rayton cursed under his breath and reluctantly complied.
"If you remember the first time we met, you were visiting a town called Curmons View, up in the mountains of Ashroth. You were there under the pretence of a merchant looking for new wares for export over the Almerith ocean. But what you were really doing was searching for clues as to where the Talis tablet was."
"I was in the town buying healing herbs and supplies to continue my journey and I stayed at the same inn as you. We both sat at different ends of the bar and after a little while you retired to your room. Behind me sat two men, they looked very suspicious and talked in whispers. I heard them talking about and saw them pointing at you. You were being followed."
"From the snatches of conversation I overheard their plan was to come to your room in the small hours and question you at the point of a sword and to kill you weather you talked or not"
Rayton pursed his lips and shrugged with disregard "They never came to my room."
"Exactly so Rayton Drew because I drugged them, came to your room to find out what was so important, read your journals, realised who the men were and what they were doing, returned to their room and killed them both. If I had not you would probably be dead now."
"The next morning I joined you for breakfast in the bar on the pretence of also being a merchant and selling wares that you might be interested in. Ever since I have personally looked in on you on the odd occasion to see if you were still alive and have had a friend looking out for you all this time."
"This tablet you seek is more important than you realise and you place you life in much danger doing so."
Rayton stood and started pacing the room his mind working quickly. "So let me get this strait. You have lied to me, you have spied on me, you have invaded my privacy, you are stalking me with an accomplice, you are a murderer and you are sitting in my house warming your hands by my fire!"
Ale smiled ruefully. "Just so Rayton Drew. But you also are a murderer are you not?"
Rayton gave Ale a sharp look. "I did not kill that man, I stole the corpse from the undertakers and placed some rocks in the coffin so they wouldn't notice the weight difference. I was going to tell the guards someone must have it in for me to avoid hanging for murder."
Ale nodded. "This I guessed Rayton Drew." He stood and walked over to the desk to face Rayton. "I would not be here if I didn't think you were a good man."
Rayton's face hardened. "You still have not explained your actions Ale. If you want my trust I need the truth."
Ale sighed as if he had a great weight on his shoulders and for a moment looked much older and less sure of himself. "Yes Rayton Drew, but I am not sure how much I can trust you and how much I should tell you without putting you in more danger than you already are."
"This tablet you seek, why do you pursue it?"
Rayton thought for a moment, he was not willing to give information to Ale, especially after what he had just told him.
"I have grown up with stories and tails from the books around you, my father used to tell them and show me pictures from the books. From then the fascination has grown into an obsession. I often think of admitting defeat and burning all the books in frustration but something stops me."
Ale pursed his lips and looked at Rayton as if weighing up a problem that he could not solve. There was a long silence and Rayton could see Ale struggling to come to some kind of decision.
"Ok" said Ale as he sat back in the chair. "The men I killed to save your life are hunters of the tablet. They were members of a sect called The Chains of Power. As far as I can gather they were at one time part of a religious peaceful people worshipping the God Elsett about 500 years ago. They collected books and kept them in great libraries and this is how they discovered the Talis and the existence of the tablet and what the tablet would lead them to."
"So the religious leaders set up a secret sect to search for the tablet and it's prize, it was considered a holy mission. After a while the religious leaders found that the searchers of the tablet were using methods deemed a little to heavy handed and abandoned the search and closed down the operation. My guess is they were committing crimes in the name of religion and the leaders did not agree with their actions. The searchers of the tablet were not happy and decided to split from the religion to continue the search under a different guise called The Chains of Power and power is now their number one goal."
"The Chains of Power it seems has forgotten all notion of the peaceful religion it once followed and now uses any means it considers necessary to further the discovery of the tablet.
Ale's voice now became stronger and he raised his finger. "This part I need you to listen most closely to Rayton Drew, they are all killers when they need to be, they will do anything to find their prize and jealously guard their secrets. They will kill you in the blink of an eye if they know how much you know. Maybe they would squeeze you first for information but the outcome would be death, of this I am sure."
Ale relaxed a little and lowered his finger. "I am sorry for raising my voice to you Rayton Drew, but I fear for your life and you must understand how cold and dedicated this sect is in it's mission."
Rayton felt touched and realised that this man may well be a friend but he still didn't know who Ale was. "I still need more Ale."
Ale acknowledged he understood with a bow of his head and continued. "I Would ask that you continue to call me Ale for now because my real name brings me far to much notice." Rayton nodded and crossed his arms, expectantly waiting for more.
"I have been searching for the tablet for my people and my master but the tablet is only a map to where the real treasure lies. My people thought this thing lost to the sands of time until our first chance meeting"
"Rayton Drew what I am about to tell you must not be repeated to anyone else, if you tell anyone they will also be in danger." Rayton suddenly became aware that his hands were gripping the sides of his chair so tight his fingers were hurting. "The map leads to the location of an object that was created by the gods themselves. It is an orb and inside this orb is another world. The gods locked themselves away from this world for reasons I do not know but it is said the holder of the orb can travel between this world and their world."
"Preposterous!" laughed Rayton. "I do no believe in gods and such. I have never seen any evidence to prove they actually exist or ever did exist! I have read about the Talis and the gods they worshiped but I never considerd it more than lack of understanding of the world around them. Most ancient cultures that lack understanding of something just accredited it to the work of a supreme being or creator."
"Is that so Rayton Drew? Then how do you explain THIS?" Ale threw back his head and opened his arms wide, his face and hands started to glow brighter and brighter, he slowly brought his hands together and the glow faded from around him and concentrated into a bright large ball between his hands. The glowing sphere got brighter and brighter the smaller it became until the ball was no smaller than an apple in the palm of his right hand. Every corner of the room was lit like sunshine on a bright summers day.
Ale motioned with his left hand and the ball sped towards Rayton. Rayton could not move, he was rooted to the spot in shocked disbelief.
The ball crossed the room to Rayton in a split second and it passed into his body like a stone dropped into a pond. He gasped as his body went ice cold, his skin tingled and it felt like his hair was standing on end.
It was over as quick as it had happened, so fast in fact he wondered if it really had happened. His body felt totally refreshed as if he had slept for a week and woken to a beautiful summer morning. In fact he felt..... younger.
He kicked away the fallen chair and walked over to the mirror above the fireplace to look at his face. The speckled grey had gone from his hair and beard and the lines around his eyes were smoother.
He spun round and looked at Ale. "Who ARE you? And what the hell did you do!"
Ale smiled. "Rayton Drew will you help me search for the orb of the gods?"
Rayton shook his head in wonder. "Yes, if you stop calling me Rayton Drew all the time! It's infuriating!"
Ale nodded. "Just so Rayton Drew"
Rayton threw up his arms in disgust and looked back at the mirror at his new younger self and wondered what he was letting himself in for.....






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NMott at 17:04 on 24 January 2009  Report this post
Hi, Mark. A great start. I really enjoyed it, and you have a great pair of characters and a good plot developing there.

I've tried a different method of critiquing and copied the whole thing below, and added my comments as I read through it.
General comments are in italics, corrections to the text in bold, and stuff that could be deleted in {}.

- NaomiM


Rayton Drew sat in his study, feet on his desk and lost in thought staring through the window at the night sky outside. His gaze moved {from the window} back to the old leather bound book under his hand. The embossed gold script felt smooth as he idly picked out the lettering with his finger. good
One lone candle burned on his desk next to a plate with the remains of a half eaten meal. Between the firelight and the candle he could just make out the hundreds of books on the shelves in his study -
{The} books that had taken him and his father years to gather. The entire study dedicated to one subject, an ancient race of people called the Talis break needed here to switch the reader's view from the books to the tablet and a small black tablet with gold script upon it. He knew the tablet was important somehow but wasn't sure why. The writings of the Talis talked of this tablet with great importance and its location was kept hidden and heavily guarded. The last two sentences are 'Tell'. Don't be tempted to give the reader too much information here. Keep the reader's attention on the tablet itself - describe it. The fact that he doesn't know why it's important will them become clear if you 'show' that he can't read/understand the script
He could still hear revellers two streets away, the inn would be closing soon and the body would be found. The guards would know it was him because he had left a letter from Rayton Drew on the corpse. The letter had instructions to meet him at the Drunken Duck inn where he placed the body in the stables. Ok, that's pique my interest. You've given the reader various pieces of information in the form of 'Tell', but not explained it, so that's ok because I'm tempted to read on to find out more.
Stupid name for an inn he thought to himself, he smiled, the inn keeper must have a good sense of humour. good
There came a sudden banging on the door, he became instantly alert but he was expecting it. He stood and made his way to the door. repetition of 'door' The hammering came again.
"Ok Ok I am coming!" He shouted.
As he opened the door again, repetition of 'door' he expected to see Royal Guards dressed in purple and gold with white tabards bearing the royal crest of Teserra.
"Ale?". "What the......" Dialogue a little confusing. Who's speaking? here are two ways of writing this -
"Ale?" - is this someone's name?
"What the...?"
Or
"Ale? What the...?" Rayton looked at the man,

Rayton looked at the man, {he had crossed paths with him quite a few times in the past - reader doesn't need to know that, at this stage. If Rayton treats him in a familiar manner it will be obvius they are not strangers}. He was strange to say the least. He had the look of a holy man in a hooded robe but his clothes were expensive silk and not that of a lowly monk. He was tall and muscular with long white hair but did not look old. He claimed he was a merchant peddling herbs at their first meeting but Rayton suspected there was more to him than he let on.
At his waist hung a long very finely crafted dagger that Rayton suspected he could use very well and he was also sure he carried some other kind of weapon up the voluminous sleeves of his robes. Ale carried himself with much confidence and seemed to know too much about things he shouldn't.
"What the hell are you doing here this time of night? Come to think of it how do you know where I live?" Rayton looked at Ale closely. {Although he had bumped into him at various places in the past - repetition, we already know they have met before} he had never seen him in his home town and had certainly never told him where he lived. I don't think you need this fact, as it's already clear from the dialogue
{Ale had always been a good kind of fellow, they had bought each other drinks on many occasions and had talked for many hours about different cities and cultures as they both travelled though. I don;t think this is necessary as it distracts the reader from the reason for his visit right now}
"You had better leave, the guards are coming and if you are here when they arrive you will be arrested along with me"
"The guards will not arrive Rayton Drew."
Rayton looked at Ale in shocked surprise "And how would you know this Ale?"
Ale looked him in the eye. "Because I have the letter from the corpse and the corpse is now gone" Good
Rayton eyed Ale with {concern and} confusion.
"It is cold tonight Rayton Drew and I have no bed for the night."
{Rayton looked at Ale with raised brows} "{Dimmitt} Damn it man do you often invite yourself into peoples homes so freely?" Rayton shook his head in disbelief. Good
Ale bowed gracefully with a warm smile {on his face} and walked into the hall.
"Come through to my study, its the only warm room in the house {at the moment}."
Ale nodded and followed Rayton. As they entered there was a welcoming warmth from the fire and Ale walked over to warm his hands. Too many 'warm's, you could just say 'he went to warm himself by the fire'
Rayton closed the door behind him, walked to his desk and stood with his hands on the back of his chair staring intently at Ale. "So Ale, now you have my hospitality it is your turn to return the favour and explain what's going on."
"But I have already done you a great service Rayton Drew, I saved you from hanging did I not?"
"Ale there are only 2 of them in the room, so you don't have to keep repeating his name, although I like Ale's habit of saying Rayton's full name I was trying to get arrested for murder!"
Ale bowed his head once "This I suspected Rayton Drew." definiely interested
Rayton cursed in exasperation. "Ale why are you so bloody secretive"? {Dimmitt man you wouldn't even tell me your name when we first met and still haven't to this day!} Am I to call you Ale forever? you could at least tell me your real name"
Ale took a small chair from the corner of the room and sat by the fire with hands outstretched.
"Rayton Drew, it is up to you what you call me, but I do have a story to tell. Please sit and listen and you will understand. I see from the books you have here that you are interested in that ancient long gone people called the Talis. I also know you are searching for the black tablet."
Rayton frowned and looked at Ale with suspicion {suspiciously} but pulled up a chair...etc.
"Do not think you are the only one looking for this tablet Rayton Drew, there is I and others looking for the same thing. I have been searching for 30 years or more and the others much much longer.
"I did not realise how important this tablet was until I met you many years ago and read your journals."
Rayton shot up out of his chair "How dare you! What gives you the right to go through my private things!" Good
Ale grimaced "Please sit and you will understand. Please?" Rayton cursed under his breath and reluctantly complied.
"If you remember the first time we met, you were visiting a town called Curmons View, up in the mountains of Ashroth. You were there under the pretence of a merchant looking for new wares for export over the Almerith ocean. But what you were really doing was searching for clues as to where the Talis tablet was. Good, still interested. Although, be a little careful when including inforamtion the other character wil already know, but this is ok, as you have done it here, as it gives the reader a little background information. But do avoid 'information dumps' where possible, ie, too much info. for the reader to take in and remember at any one time
"I was in the town buying healing herbs and supplies to continue my journey and I stayed at the same inn as you. We both sat at different ends of the bar and after a little while you retired to your room. Behind me sat two men, they looked very suspicious and talked in whispers. I heard them talking about and saw them pointing at you. You were being followed. Split this long section of dialogue up by adding Rayton's reaction to this piece of information.
"From the snatches of conversation I overheard their plan was to come to your room in the small hours and question you at the point of a sword and to kill you whether you talked or not"
Rayton pursed his lips and shrugged {with disregard} "They never came to my room." Good
"Exactly so, Rayton Drew, because I drugged them, came to your room to find out what was so important, read your journals, {realised who the men were and what they were doing, - too much information} returned to their room and killed them both. If I had not you would probably be dead now. I've removed the quotes, because Ale is still speaking and yuo only need the one at the beginning of the new paragraph.
"The next morning I joined you for breakfast in the bar {on the pretence of also being a merchant and selling wares that you might be interested in. again, be a little careful of telling Rayton information he would already know} Ever since I have personally looked in on you on the odd occasion to see if you were still alive and have had a friend looking out for you all this time.
{"This tablet you seek is more important than you realise and you place you life in much danger doing so." I don't think you need to state this, after the previous information it shouble be obvious how important the tablet is to some people}
Rayton stood and started pacing the room his mind {working quickly} racing.
"So let me get this straight. You have lied to me, you have spied on me, you have invaded my privacy, you are stalking me {with an accomplice -?}, you are a murderer and you are sitting in my house warming your hands by my fire!" Good. I'm warming to both characters.
Ale smiled {ruefully}. "Just so Rayton Drew. But you also are a murderer are you not?"
Rayton gave {Ale} him a sharp look. "I did not kill that man, I stole the corpse from the undertakers and placed some rocks in the coffin so they wouldn't notice the weight difference. {I was going to tell the guards someone must have it in for me to avoid hanging for murder." not sure that really follows. If this expands to a full-sized novel of 80K words, there will be plenty of time to explore Rayton's motives and methods for what he does and has done.
Ale nodded. "This I guessed Rayton Drew." He stood {and walked over to the desk to face Rayton - ok, you need to go back and set the scene a little more, as I had imagined Rayton to be sitting on a chair beside Ale, in front of the fire}. "I would not be here if I didn't think you were a good man."
Rayton's face hardened. "You still have not explained your actions Ale. If you want my trust I need the truth."
Ale sighed as if he had a great weight on his shoulders and for a moment looked much older and less sure of himself. Good. You are keeping this scene in Rayton's pov (point of view). "Yes Rayton Drew, but I am not sure how much I can trust you and how much I should tell you without putting you in more danger than you already are. This tablet you seek, why do you pursue it?"
Rayton thought for a moment, he was not willing to give information to Ale, especially after what he had just told him.
"I have grown up with stories and tales from the books around you, my father used to tell them and show me pictures from the books. From then the fascination has grown into an obsession. I often think of admitting defeat and burning all the books in frustration but something stops me."
Ale pursed his lips and looked at Rayton as if weighing up a problem that he could not solve. There was a long silence and Rayton could see Ale struggling to come to some kind of decision.
"Ok" said Ale as he sat back in the chair. "The men I killed to save your life are hunters of the tablet. They were members of a sect called The Chains of Power. As far as I can gather they were at one time part of a religious peaceful people worshipping the God Elsett about 500 years ago. They collected books and kept them in great libraries and this is how they discovered the Talis and the existence of the tablet and what the tablet would lead them to."
"So the religious leaders set up a secret sect to search for the tablet and it's prize, it was considered a holy mission. After a while the religious leaders found that the searchers of the tablet were using methods deemed a little to heavy handed and abandoned the search and closed down the operation. My guess is they were committing crimes in the name of religion and the leaders did not agree with their actions. The searchers of the tablet were not happy and decided to split from the religion to continue the search under a different guise called The Chains of Power and power is now their number one goal."
"The Chains of Power it seems has forgotten all notion of the peaceful religion it once followed and now uses any means it considers necessary to further the discovery of the tablet.
Ale's voice now became stronger and he raised his finger. "This part I need you to listen most closely to Rayton Drew, they are all killers when they need to be, they will do anything to find their prize and jealously guard their secrets. They will kill you in the blink of an eye if they know how much you know. Maybe they would squeeze you first for information but the outcome would be death, of this I am sure." Ok, all this previopus information is what yuo need to speard out in the book. These are answers the reader is desperate to find, and will keep the reader reading to find them, so only give them answers on a 'need to know' basis. Use this information as part of your story outline/plan, and feed it in slowly
Ale relaxed a little and lowered his finger. "I am sorry for raising my voice to you Rayton Drew, but I fear for your life and you must understand how cold and dedicated this sect is in it's mission."
Rayton felt touched and realised that this man may well be a friend but he still didn't know who Ale was. This can be a good relationship to develope between the 2 men in the course of the story. At this stage, don't give Rayton reason to trust him, however, do give Rayton reason to need his help. "I still need more Ale."
Ale acknowledged he understood with a bow of his head and continued. "I Would ask that you continue to call me Ale for now because my real name brings me far to much notice." Rayton nodded and crossed his arms, expectantly waiting for more.
"I have been searching for the tablet for my people and my master but the tablet is only a map to where the real treasure lies. My people thought this thing lost to the sands of time until our first chance meeting" a bit too much information at this time
"Rayton Drew what I am about to tell you must not be repeated to anyone else, if you tell anyone they will also be in danger." Rayton suddenly became aware that his hands were gripping the sides of his chair so tight his fingers were hurting. "The map leads to the location of an object that was created by the gods themselves. It is an orb and inside this orb is another world. The gods locked themselves away from this world for reasons I do not know but it is said the holder of the orb can travel between this world and their world."
"Preposterous!" laughed Rayton. "I do no believe in gods and such. I have never seen any evidence to prove they actually exist or ever did exist! I have read about the Talis and the gods they worshiped but I never considerd it more than lack of understanding of the world around them. Most ancient cultures that lack understanding of something just accredited it to the work of a supreme being or creator." As before, you are spilling the beans to the reader too soon, but it is shaping up into a good plot for a full sized book.
"Is that so Rayton Drew? Then how do you explain THIS?" Ale threw back his head and opened his arms wide, his face and hands started to glow brighter and brighter, he slowly brought his hands together and the glow faded from around him and concentrated into a bright large ball between his hands. The glowing sphere got brighter and brighter the smaller it became until the ball was no smaller than an apple in the palm of his right hand. Every corner of the room was lit like sunshine on a bright summers day.
Ale motioned with his left hand and the ball sped towards Rayton. Rayton could not move, he was rooted to the spot in shocked disbelief.
The ball crossed the room to Rayton in a split second and it passed into his body like a stone dropped into a pond. He gasped as his body went ice cold, his skin tingled and it felt like his hair was standing on end. Interesting
It was over as quick as it had happened, so fast in fact he wondered if it really had happened. His body felt totally refreshed as if he had slept for a week and woken to a beautiful summer morning. In fact he felt..... younger.
He kicked away the fallen chair and walked over to the mirror above the fireplace to look at his face. The speckled grey had gone from his hair and beard and the lines around his eyes were smoother. I was going to suggest saving tis effect for later, but I can see it's value in including it here, it gives Rayton reason to trust his new friend, but also to fear his capabilties
He spun round and looked at Ale. "Who ARE you? And what the hell did you do!"
Ale smiled. "Rayton Drew will you help me search for the orb of the gods?"
Rayton shook his head in wonder. "Yes, if you stop calling me Rayton Drew all the time! It's infuriating!" Very good, Lol, their characters are developin nicely.
Ale nodded. "Just so Rayton Drew"
Rayton threw up his arms in disgust and looked back at the mirror at his new younger self and wondered what he was letting himself in for..... Good





<Added>

At this point I would have the two gentlemen interupted by the soldiers - whom Rayton had been waiting for - so a lot of information that Ale could have given Rayton, will have to wait for later, while they do their best to make their escape.


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