After You`ve Gone
Posted: 22 December 2008 Word Count: 313 Summary: For Avis's challenge:Quote by Robert Frost, American poet: Nature is always hinting at us.
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He’s gone. Left without any accusations or reasons. Two days ago, he packed his bags, walked out of the house and getting into his car drove off leaving only a whiff of Armani behind.
Two years, five weeks, three days ago, Jed, with his familiar lopsided smile, asked Denise if he could move into her flat seeing as they got on so well. That they loved one and other. That they spent a lot of time together. That they had the same interests in common.
She agreed and they celebrated with a Chinese takeaway, a few bottles of white wine and a new king sized bed, new duvet, duvet covers and matching pillow cases bought on her credit card.
Now a rising sun begins to radiate above the smooth hill, its rays sweeping across heavy frost that gleams silver. Unable to sleep in that king size bed or to rest in one place, Denise walks, her mind going over his treachery, his abandonment of her.
Grief and anger mimic one and other to the point that she’s unable to make out what she’s really feeling. Icy crystals crunch beneath her feet and the Tumble Downs are silent as if every creature that inhabits the area is afraid of her unsettling presence.
Then a slight movement catches her eye. She stops. In front of her she sees a dog fox, its coat burnished bronze in new sunlight. Their eyes meet. The fox’s thick brush swishes back and forth in lazy motion. Then it sits like a pet pooch, its amber, unflinching gaze fixed upon her.
Entranced, Denise can neither stir or breath and, for a long moment, it’s as if their thoughts intermingle and when the fox finally rises and trots off, she watches its confident progress and as she watches, her anger and grief melts like the frost on this early, winter’s morning.
Comments by other Members
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Bunbry at 09:47 on 23 December 2008
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All together now ; At first I was afraid, I was petrified...
Seriously, good stuff. The description of the fox was especially good, and a nice way to end the piece. Delightful.
The sentence with the wine and duvet etc, might need a tinker with [see what others say] as it seemed very long.
Nick
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tusker at 15:31 on 23 December 2008
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Thanks Nick. Will do a bit of tinkering as you advised.
Ah, that song. I remember it well. Got sick to death of it in the end.
Jennifer
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V`yonne at 20:32 on 23 December 2008
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Grief and anger mimic one and other to the point that she’s unable to make out what she’s really feeling. |
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...kept thinking I could never live without you by my side.
But then I spent so many nights thinking how you'd done me wrong...
Karioke Time!
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tusker at 06:22 on 24 December 2008
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I will survive. I will survive.
Isn't my singing voice awful?
Thanks Oonah.
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Prospero at 07:35 on 27 December 2008
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Excellent, Jennifer, powerful and effective. I loved the way the insouciance of the fox helped free her from her sadness. Wher ei sthi sone going? EDF?
Best
John
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tusker at 08:47 on 27 December 2008
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Many thanks John. Glad you liked it. EDF? Don't have much luck with them but maybe I'll give it a go.
HAPPY AND HEALTHY NEW YEAR.
Jennifer
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Elbowsnitch at 13:15 on 27 December 2008
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Great detail in this story, Jennifer! The dog fox sounds a better bet than Jed, frankly. Love
they celebrated with a Chinese takeaway, a few bottles of white wine and a new king sized bed, new duvet, duvet covers and matching pillow cases bought on her credit card. |
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and the Tumble Downs are silent |
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Frances
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tusker at 15:05 on 27 December 2008
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Many thanks for your comment, Frances.
Yes, Jed's a taker.
Jennifer.
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Forbes at 00:00 on 28 December 2008
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Hi Jennifer
I loved this, the phrases already quoted really are good uns. one pick, should it be:
...her anger and grief melt... |
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Yes I can see the new beginning, but I didn't see WHY it all faded away for her... for me the moment with the fox wasn't enough of an epiphany.
Maybe Shine?
Cheers
Avis
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tusker at 07:55 on 28 December 2008
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I know what you mean about the epiphany.
It was an experience I had on the dunes. Of course, I wasn't in MC'S position but feeling quite low.
I did feel uplifted and strangely quite honoured.
Oh, but the fox did have a dead crow in his mouth, at the time, maybe he was just showing off.
Jennifer
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