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Sunday evening dreaming

by joanie 

Posted: 30 November 2008
Word Count: 31
Summary: Flash Poetry Challenge
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Looming close yet
drifting far
into a heat-hazed
distance,

shimmering on
a horizon
dotted with palm trees
swaying

in the Indian
Ocean. What
a shame that somehow
Monday

always comes .......






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Comments by other Members



Nella at 15:34 on 01 December 2008  Report this post
Wonderful, Joanie, love it! Cruel Monday!
Robin
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joanie at 21:12 on 01 December 2008  Report this post
Thanks, Robin. I'm afraid I didn't spend ages on it - I saw your challenge and wrote it. True 'Flash'!

joanie
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BaMc at 16:19 on 02 December 2008  Report this post
Nice Joanie - lots of 'sh' sounds and other soft sounds make it seem calming - a soothing flash!
Barbara
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joanie at 19:39 on 02 December 2008  Report this post
Thanks, Barbara!

joanie
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FelixBenson at 12:03 on 03 December 2008  Report this post
There is a real sense of forboding for Monday here...
Looming close yet
drifting far


and is so mean that it spoils those Sunday dreams ! argh.

Really sums up those oh-so-familiar feelings! Nice one.
Kirsty
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joanie at 22:47 on 03 December 2008  Report this post
Glad it hit the spot, Kirsty!

joanie
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SaintEx at 23:15 on 07 December 2008  Report this post
hey Joanie, this is turquoise and lovely. the rhythm of the opening is spot-on as well as the sentiment. you say you dashed it out, so I hope it's alright me saying the middle bit seems a bit of a muddle; I don't feel like 'in the indian ocean' should be tacked on where it is, the sentence feels like it ends before that- it might fit better after distance, before shimmering, tho I don't know what stanzs/line breaks you'd settle on. perhaps that's just me. I also think the last line would be punchier without the ellipses (or at least, the dot-dot-dots), tho I guess the whimsy is heightened with their inclusion. anyway it's NICE I was reading it contentedly thinking how awful-but-absent the monday morning feeling was when suddenly I remembered with a bump that is IS in fact sunday night OH WELL bye!
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