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It`s No Long Distance

by LMJT 

Posted: 21 November 2008
Word Count: 499
Summary: For the challenge I set this week of 500 words on 'Long Distance'. I know it's my challenge, but I needed a break from NaNoWriMo! Liam :)


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Content Warning
This piece and/or subsequent comments may contain strong language.


Patrick O’Leary walks across the pub’s car park to his Peugeot and fumbles in his pocket. The key found, it takes a couple of attempts or him to fit it in the lock.

‘Oi, Pat,’ shouts Barry, laughing. ‘You’re not driving are you, you eejit?’

‘Sure, it’s no long distance,’ he calls back, his speech slurred. ‘Be there in five minutes.’

The night is as quiet as it always is in the tiny town, and he could do the drive home with his eyes closed, which they almost are.

As he drives, he thinks about the weekend ahead. He and Marianne had promised to take Siobhan shopping with her birthday money, but he can’t think of a worse way than to spend a Saturday than in a shop full of teenage girls. And anyway, the match is on the television and-,
Hearing a loud thud, he slams on the brakes.

He gets out of the car and sees the girl face down on the ground, her legs twisted at an awkward angle.

‘Fuck,’ he mutters, the sight almost sobering him. ‘Fuck, fuck, fuck.’

He stares at her body and wills her to move, but she does nothing.

For a moment, he wonders if he should call the police. But no sooner has the thought appeared than he’s remembered what they’ll say: ‘Weren’t you banned for three years, Patrick? You know that’s a criminal offence, don’t you?’

And so, lifting her feet, he drags her to the side of the road, kicks her under a hedge.

He gets back in the car, his whole body trembling, and as he drives away he convinces himself that it wasn’t his fault. She was out too late. It was dark. She shouldn’t even have been out at midnight, a young girl like that. It wasn’t his fault. It wasn’t his fault. It wasn’t his fault.

The next morning, the house smells of bacon and he sits at the kitchen table opposite James, his youngest. His head throbs with a hangover.

‘Where’s Siobhan?’ he asks Marianne who’s standing at the hob in her ‘Best Mum’ apron.

‘Oh, that girl’s a devil,’ his wife says over her shoulder. ‘She and I had a huge fight last night about the school disco. She ran off and I’ve heard nothing since. She’s probably over at the Davey’s. I’ll go round after breakfast. Did you remember that we agreed to take her shopping?’

‘Yes,’ he says quietly. ‘Yes, I remembered.’

Marianne turns round, wipes her hands on her front. ‘Sure, what’s wrong with you?’

‘Nothing,’ he says, realisation churning in his stomach. It might not have been her, he thinks, hopes, prays. Please don’t let it have been her.

There’s a knock on the door, and Marianne pulls off her apron. ‘Now who’s that on a Saturday?’ she says as she walks through the kitchen.

But he knows who it is. And he knows why they’re here.

‘We’re so sorry, Mary,’ he hears PC Connolly say. ‘It’s Siobhan.’






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Comments by other Members



tiger_bright at 17:18 on 21 November 2008  Report this post
Golly what a dark flash, Liam. Any sympathy I might have had for the man was lost when he "kicked her under a hedge". I'd have liked you to try and win some sympathy for him, somehow, just because that would have been a greater challenge. As it was I was unmoved by his plight and simply despised his cowardice. That made it too "easy" a read, in a funny way. Might just be me but I think with its subject matter it ought to have been more painful, uncomfortable. Definitely had impact, though.

Forbes at 22:15 on 21 November 2008  Report this post
I agree with Sarah here Liam. Very dark and I think a little predictable. I guessed it was his girl, somehow. And I didn't feel sorry for him. I also don't think he reacted enough when it dawned on him what he'd done.

I did feel for the girl (obviously) and the mother. Perhaps if you expand it and get their views in too?

But a jolting subject,and it flows very well.

Cheers

Avis

V`yonne at 00:13 on 22 November 2008  Report this post
Shivery enough!

Jumbo at 00:34 on 22 November 2008  Report this post
What a terrible scenario! And as Oonah says, 'Shivery'!

Cheers

john




Bunbry at 11:19 on 22 November 2008  Report this post
Hi Liam, I think this has legs, but perhaps give it a tweak or two to solve a couple of the problems mentioned. A fine idea though.

Nick

DP at 19:40 on 22 November 2008  Report this post
I liked this - I liked the pace it moved along at, and though I saw the end coming it really had to happen - the inevitability of the end was the point of the story.

Perhaps if there was some reason for his drive home, or why he was out drinking, there might be some empathy with the driver.

Good stuff

David

Jordan789 at 20:35 on 22 November 2008  Report this post
Eh. Eeek.

Wouldn't he realize that it's his own daughter? Drunk or not... maybe he can check her pulse? I imagine it would be darker and more plausible if he recognizes his daughter and he has to deal with the enormity of the situation right there, drunk, on the spot.

Good and gory.

Jordan

Prospero at 16:33 on 23 November 2008  Report this post
Your sins come back to haunt you, don't they just.

Reminded me a bit of Roald Dahl's 'Tales of the Unexpected'.

Good stuff, Liam


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