Query Letter for : [i]Dazed in Dongbei: Ten Months in Northeast China[/i]
Posted: 21 November 2008
Word Count: 528
Summary: This query letter is in a format I found in a book about getting published. It said to include: likely readership appeal, summary with chapters, stage of development and why the author is qualified to write it.
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Dear xxxxxx,
While business interest in China as a rising world superpower is growing, a general reader wants to know about how ordinary people live at the grass-roots level. My book about the experience of working for a Chinese company will interest both these groups.
Book Proposal for Dazed in Dongbei: Ten months in northeast China
Dazed in Dongbei tells how the author spent ten months living and working in a China largely unknown to westerners. The publishing company where I was employed as a 'foreign editor' from Aug 2003 to June 2004 was located in the foothills of the Changbai Mountains, near the North Korean border. It was in stark contrast to China's 'boom' cities and to my life in London. The book is partly personal chronicle, partly a portrait of a company run on the traditional ‘danwei’ or work-unit system and partly an introduction to the people and the culture of a relatively unknown region.
Contents
At about 80,000 words, the 30 topic-based chapters range in subject matter from the differences in office routines and management styles to the distinctive regional cuisine. Side visits to cities of the Manchurian hinterland, such as Harbin at Ice Festival time, the Yellow Sea resort of Dalian at New Year, and Changchun, home to China’s Last Emperor, ring the changes on the company’s rural setting. Dialogue and character descriptions will appeal as much to the general reader as to potential travellers, businessmen and educationalists - in fact, to anybody interested in China’s astonishing rise from third world country to a nation of major economic importance.
Chapter Headings
The following chapter headings (with a brief indication of content) give some idea of the book’s scope and approach
All the Comforts of Home : Daily Life in a Chinese Office
A Hundred Ways with Dofu : Canteen Fare
Ice Statues in Harbin : A stay in China’s Northernmost City
The Barefoot Teacher: Portrait of a Tonghua family
Plastered : Inside a Chinese hospital
Border Incident: Under Arrest
Frontier Town : Life in a town on the Korean Border
The Last Emperor’s Villa :A Visit to Changchun
Walking on Water :Winter in Tonghua
‘Ping! Ping! : Shopping in Tonghua
The Emperor of Swindlers :A Shenyang taxi driver
Thank you, thank you, Jesus: Christian Worship in Tonghua
Hotpot and Dumplings : Regional cuisine
Laid-off Workers : Unemployment Problems
The Well-travelled Daoist : A Visit to a Local Monastery
About 20 of the proposed 30 chapters are completed, with the rest partially completed.
About the author
A full-time writer based in London, Sheila Cornelius lectured in the UK and Singapore in English and Film Studies. An enduring fascination with Chinese language and culture led to the publication of New Chinese Cinema: Challenging Representations (2002 Wallflower Press and Columbia Press) adopted as a course book in UK and US universities. She has contributed to An International Encyclopaedia of Censorship, edited by Derek Evans (2001 Fitzroy -Dearborn) and to magazines China Review (London) and Beijing Review (China) as well as reviews for China-related websites. Sheila is currently writing a book on the life and work of Chinese director Zhang Yimou.
Sample chapters will be forwarded on request.
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 NMott at 14:09 on 21 November 2008
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I have only a sketch knowledge of non-fiction queries, so I'm afraid I can't do much more than comment on general writing style and pick up on a few typos.
To start at he end, I like the potted biography. Maybe the first sentence could be lengthened slightly:
Now a full-time writer based in London, Sheila Cornelius lectured (when?) in the UK and Singapore (do you have the names of any Universities or Colleges you can put in here?) in English and Film Studies.
There are some excellent and engaging chapter titles in your list - I like he contrast between the jokey first half, and the explanitory second half in each of them. However, some of the titles could be a little more interesting, (and a number of the colons are out of place) eg:
All the Comforts of Home: Daily Life in a Chinese Office - could work if it was lower down the list, but your first one should be a good one.
Laid-off Workers: Unemployment Problems - Tempted to suggest 'Pissed-Off Workers....'  but something along those lines?
The Last Emperor’s Villa: A Visit to Changchun - Is there something other than 'Villa' you could use here?
Ice Statues in Harbin : A stay in China’s Northernmost City - almost works, but could it be something like: Ice Men in Harbin...?
paragraph seems ok. I don't know if a couple of short character sketchs or small anecdotal type incident would add interest???
| Dazed in Dongbei tells how the author spent ten months spent living and working in a China largely unknown to westerners. The publishing company where I was employed as a 'foreign editor' from Aug 2003 to June 2004 was located in the foothills of the Changbai Mountains, near the North Korean border. It was in stark contrast to China's 'boom' cities and to my life in London. The book is partly personal chronicle, partly a portrait of a company run on the traditional ‘danwei’ or work-unit system and partly an introduction to the people and the culture of a relatively unknown region. |
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I think this needs to be a little more upbeat in tone, get rid of the passive tense (was) - I had a go, below.
As the narrator you are the main character in the book, so you may need to sell yourself/characterise yourself a little more - we're looking at this country through your eyes, so I think you need to show how facinating you found it all.
Dazed in Dongbei follows the 10 months spent living and working in a China largely unknown to Westerners. ....A far cry from my comfortable life in London... Employed between 2003-2004 as a foreign editor for a ... publisher, I found myself based in the foothills of the Changbai Mountains, near the North Korean border, There I discovered a country and it's people.... in stark contrast to China's 'boom' cities.
The book is partly personal chronicle, partly a portrait of a company run on the traditional ‘danwei’ (or work-unit) system, and partly an introduction to the people and the culture of a relatively unknown region.
- NaomiM
<Added>
Ooops, 'Contents' should have been in italics, not quotes.
<Added>
One thing I'm not sure of in non-fiction queries, is how much of a chapter by chapter outline you have to put in, or whether simply listing chapter headings is enough. I have a feeling, and alternative is including a chapter as a writing sample in the submission.
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 Cornelia at 15:58 on 21 November 2008
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Thanks Naomi for having a go at this.
What's required depends on what the publisher asks for, but an initial query letter doesn't include any text. It's asking the publisher if they want to look at some chapters.
I know what you mean about quirky, and that's part of the problem, and why I've been agonising over this for a while. There are lots of funny books about Mediterranean countries like 'A Year in the Merde', 'Driving over Lemons', etc and others like Bill Bryson's very funny travel books, but the readership for a book about China is not quite so, well, not frivolous, but they definitely want some information not just the ramblings of a granny laughing at the quaint local customs - not that you meant that. The nearest I could find was one called 'River Town', written by an American who was a teacher and another one, also by a young woman teacher about thirty years ago. Other books about China are about passing through, although I recently read a couple about living in Mongolia.
One of the things the books say is find your unique selling point, and mine is that it's abou tworking in a Chinese company.
However, I can see what you mean about upbeat, and I'll see what I can do. Thanks,too, for suggesting a re-ordering of the chapters.
Thanks for your suggested paragraph and comment about passive vs active. I was prompted by another blurb-style synopsis to have a go at one myself, but I wasn't happy with it. Here it is:
Blurb-style Synopsis
After thirty years of teaching, the chance to work as a ‘foreign editor’ in China was a challenge that sinophile Sheila Cornelius couldn’t resist.
Dazed in Dongbei, is an informative and often hilarious account of ten months in Tonghua, a city in the foothills of the Changbai Mountains. In a region with few English speakers, the rural location was the least of Sheila’s problems. Eccentric colleagues, the local cuisine of hotpot and dumplings and the obscurities of Chinese office etiquette kept her entertained and bemused.
Topic-based chapters take the lid off what it’s like to work for a Chinese company and form a fascinating introduction to northeast China and its people. Visits by overnight train to the cities of the Manchurian hinterland, descriptions of office life and hospital treatment and what it’s like to be arrested on the North Korean border make up just a part of this entertaining personal chronicle.
Do you think that's a better tone?
Sheila
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 Issy at 16:58 on 21 November 2008
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Well, you sold it to me - and I would be absolutely fascinated by the office chapter - and in fact this struck me as the most interesting of all (probably me being a bit sad but having worked years and years in offices how it works in China struck me = I cannot even imagine how the culture would impact...)
Just a couple of nitpicks - who are "both the groups" in the first sentence. Apologies if I am being thick here, but I could only see the general reader as a group.
Two "spents" in the para on Dazed in Dongbei.
So all the best with this, and let me know when it comes out as I shall want to put in an order. What a fascinating life you have had!
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NMott at 17:17 on 21 November 2008
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Blurb-style Synopsis
After thirty years of teaching, the chance to work as a ‘foreign editor’ in China was a challenge that sinophile Sheila Cornelius couldn’t resist.
Dazed in Dongbei, is an informative and often hilarious account of ten months in Tonghua, a city in the foothills of the Changbai Mountains. In a region with few English speakers, the rural location was the least of Sheila’s problems. Eccentric colleagues, the local cuisine of hotpot and dumplings and the obscurities of Chinese office etiquette kept her entertained and bemused.
Topic-based chapters take the lid off what it’s like to work for a Chinese company and form a fascinating introduction to northeast China and its people. Visits by overnight train to the cities of the Manchurian hinterland, descriptions of office life and hospital treatment and what it’s like to be arrested on the North Korean border make up just a part of this entertaining personal chronicle.
Do you think that's a better tone? |
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Tricky, sheila. I like blurby ones, and the tone, above, is definately entertaining, but it also gives the impression of the 'funny granny travelogue'.
The second half of the second para contained the same sort of info. in the second half of the 3rd para. Maybe they could be amalgamated:
After thirty years of teaching, the chance to work as a ‘foreign editor’ in China was a challenge that sinophile Sheila Cornelius couldn’t resist.
Dazed in Dongbei, is an informative and often hilarious account of ten months in Tonghua, a city in the foothills of the Changbai Mountains. Topic-based chapters take the lid off what it’s like to work for a Chinese company and form a fascinating introduction to northeast China and its people.
In a region with few English speakers, the rural location was the least of Sheila’s problems. Eccentric colleagues, the local cuisine of hotpot and dumplings and the obscurities of Chinese office etiquette kept her entertained and bemused..... Visits by overnight train to the cities of the Manchurian hinterland, descriptions of office life and hospital treatment and what it’s like to be arrested on the North Korean border make up just a part of this entertaining chronicle.
I would include the company's name - or at least a description of what it does - in the query.
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Cornelia at 17:31 on 21 November 2008
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Thanks, Naomi. Sorry I should have put that at the start, that I'd looked at their list, etc. I think it must have got cut off. I'll also out the editor's name, which is always recommended.
The first will go to Columbia University Press because my film book publisher negotiated rights with them over that book, but Wallflower Press just publish media-related books.
That's why I was a bit undecided too - American publisher, so quirky, but also serious academic.
Thanks for your suggestion re combining .
Sheila
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 mafunyane at 17:41 on 21 November 2008
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Sheila - Naomi's already made some great comments about writing style etc. And I particularly like her reworking:
After thirty years of teaching, the chance to work as a ‘foreign editor’ in China was a challenge that sinophile Sheila Cornelius couldn’t resist.
Dazed in Dongbei, is an informative and often hilarious account of ten months in Tonghua, a city in the foothills of the Changbai Mountains. Topic-based chapters take the lid off what it’s like to work for a Chinese company and form a fascinating introduction to northeast China and its people.
In a region with few English speakers, the rural location was the least of Sheila’s problems. Eccentric colleagues, the local cuisine of hotpot and dumplings and the obscurities of Chinese office etiquette kept her entertained and bemused..... Visits by overnight train to the cities of the Manchurian hinterland, descriptions of office life and hospital treatment and what it’s like to be arrested on the North Korean border make up just a part of this entertaining chronicle.
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Picking up on the "quirky" discussions, for me, the most important point in all this is the type of book this is. i.e. is it a laugh-a-minute Bill Bryson or a more academic view of how China works? Is it a travelogue or a real-life drama? What comes through at the moment is what the book is made up of not what the reader will experience or learn (obviously with a lower case l) by reading it. You imply in your first sentence:
While business interest in China as a rising world superpower is growing, a general reader wants to know about how ordinary people live at the grass-roots level. My book about the experience of working for a Chinese company will interest both these groups.
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that it is fulfilling a need that general readers have, to know about everyday China. But that doesn't necessarily come through in the rest of the pitch. And to be honest, surely what we're getting is an outsider's view of (and their take on) ordinary life - not ordinary life itself.
I'm not sure what the answer to all this is, but one way of thinking about it all is to try and come up with a one line sell. Is it, for instance, a hilarious account of a Westerner coming to grips with Chinese culture shock? Or is it a one-stop guide to the weird and wonderful world of Chinese culture? Or is it the inside story of the China no-one else knows? Its probably not any of the above, but hopefully you know what I mean.
Sorry - just reread all the above and it's a bit of a ramble! I guess I'm saying, be clear not just on what's in the book but what it does and carry that through the entire pitch. At the moment I think the messages are a bit conflicting.
Sounds like a great read though ;
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purpletandem at 20:27 on 21 November 2008
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Hi Sheila,
It does sound interesting.
I noticed that sometimes you refer to yourself in the first person and sometimes in the third. I would definitely go for first person throughout. I agree with Naomi about being as personal and upbeat as possible and I too liked the style of her her rework.
I may not have read carefully enough but I didn't actually understand what Dongbei is. From googling I believe it's the 3 provinces of North-East China. I think this needs to come out in the letter if you are going to use Dongbei in the title, but I did wonder if 'Manchuria' might be more of a hook for the general reader?
I also wasn't quite sure why 'Dazed'? Perhaps this could also be brought out in the letter. Or try a title that describes the perspective you hope to give the reader - something like 'Dongbei - the People's China.'
As well as recounting your experiences, will your book have a theme or argument - some sort of an angle? If so, that would be worth bringing out in the letter, I think.
I hope this is of some use - if not, please disregard!
Dave
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Cornelia at 21:16 on 21 November 2008
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Issy thank you! I read in 'How to get Published' that a good selling point is that advance orders are assured.
The two groups are a) business people who want some insider knowledge of office culture in China and b) people like yourself who are just curious.
Thanks for spotting the extra word, which I'll delete.
Yes, I could have been head of the NHS or something by now if only I hadn't been bored to death by the office job I took when I left school at 16. No computers in those days, so imagine the tedium of writing medical cards by hand. When I went back to office work in China and remembered how peaceful it was I wish I had stuck it out. The best bit, though, was leaving the work behind at night.
Sheila
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Cornelia at 21:30 on 21 November 2008
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Thanks, Dave -this is realmy useful and points up the dilemma of how to market the book. I've really thought a lot about the title but this one I thought conveyed the sense of a kind of amazement I felt about my experiences in China. Yes, I had thought of putting Manchuria in the title but a Chinese friend said it was a colonial sort of title -that it was only in the west that northeast China was called Manchuria. I read somewhere that food comes into a lot of travel book titles and people like continuity so I thought of calling it 'Hotpot and Dumplings'.Another was 'Silkworms and Snow' but that sounded overly romantic.
The main theme, really, is how strange it all is and how difficult it is to make sense of or even tolerate at times - at other times bizarrely funny. I need to make that clearer.
Dongbei is instantly recgnisable to anyone inside China or who knows the country. It literally means Eastnorth which is the order in which the Chinese express directions. I thought the mention of a Chinese-sounding word was important and the alliteration fitted the theme. I do think the title is crucial, which is why I've thought so much about it.
Any other suggestions gratefully considered.
Sheila
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Cornelia at 21:59 on 21 November 2008
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Thanks, Mafunyane.
| Is it, for instance, a hilarious account of a Westerner coming to grips with Chinese culture shock? Or is it a one-stop guide to the weird and wonderful world of Chinese culture? Or is it the inside story of the China no-one else knows? |
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What a wonderful way you have with words
I think it's all of these, although the middle one is not quite right.I don't think Chinese culture's any more weird than, say, English culture. That's the thing - I suppose I want to say yes, it is strange to a westerner, even someone who thinks they know all about China from years spent studying the language and culture. Maybe it's a think all cultures have in common to the outsider - a sense of strangeness. It does have the selling point of being about a relatively unknown place , but again I wouldn't say that no one knows about it.
I'll have another go at this to see what I can come up with.
Sheila
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purpletandem at 01:16 on 23 November 2008
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Hello again, Sheila,
Yes, I think the title is very important.
How does this radical suggestion grab you: "Manchuria to Dongbei: The real China laid bare"?
Alternatively - more radical still - foodie books sell, so what about angling it as a gastronomic travelogue? How about a series of recipies (with food photography of course), each recipie backed up by an in-depth commentary from your personal experiences. I'm sure it wouldn't be too difficult to link anecdotes to dishes, and vice versa.
PS. We eat to live. The Chinese live to eat - I know, I'm married to one!
All the best,
pt
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purpletandem at 01:23 on 23 November 2008
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Hello again, Sheila,
Yes, I think the title is very important.
How does this radical suggestion grab you: "Manchuria to Dongbei: The real China laid bare"?
Alternatively - more radical still - foodie books sell, so what about angling it as a gastronomic travelogue? How about a series of recipies (with food photography of course), each recipie backed up by an in-depth commentary from your personal experiences. I'm sure it wouldn't be too difficult to link anecdotes to dishes, and vice versa.
PS. We eat to live. The Chinese live to eat - I know, I'm married to one!
All the best,
pt
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Cornelia at 10:59 on 23 November 2008
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Purpletandem, thanks for your suggestions. I think someone's just done that recipe book. Was it someone who went to cookery school in Sichuan? Somebody with financial backing, obviousl
(Sigh) Mostly I sught to work in China to improve my Mandarin and I couldn't afford a lengthy holiday or study course there.I needed to have a job that paid enough to send back money to my husband to pay the mortgage in London. He only joined me at Christmas - that's part of the story. I currently attend much-subsidised classes in Frith Street . I don't have the money to go back to China, unless I manage to get an advance on my book.
I did make a point of keeping a journal and copies of emails, etc. However, it was always meant to be a book about being in the place rather than about the food.
I have written the odd London restaurant review, but in Jilin, the poorest provinve in China, restaurant fare was hotpot and dumplings and not much else. The general lack of protein made boiled silkworms a delicacy in the works canteen! I've got about three chapters around food, but that's it.
The travelling I was mininal, at weekends between working, plus there were side trips on business, such as to the Korean border town to prepare test papers and to Harbin to judge speaking competition.
I have written the odd London restaurant review, but in China it was hotpot and dumplings and not much else. The general lack of protein made boiled silkworms a canteen delicacy! I've got about three chapters on food, but that's it.
Sounds like you have the ideal companion, as well as inclination, to do the cooker-book project yourself. Do you have any plans in that direction?
Sheila
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