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Goodbye
Posted: 29 October 2003
Word Count: 97
Summary: a relationship drifts to an end.........
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The silence holds like a grappling thug
my pounding chest in a murderous grip
The bell is muffled but the grave is dug
Deep shadows waiting for my fatal slip.
When I finally think of the words to say
and can say the words that I really mean
The door is closing, she's slipped away
and I'm losing all that could have been
And I don't call out, it would seem too sad
And I cannot follow, to resist the gloom
So I stay and stumble, I'm feeling bad
and my ramblings echo in the empty room.
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Comments by other Members
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 The Walrus at 22:48 on 29 October 2003
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Such stifling agony, so devastatingly delivered. But, the words never said, were never meant to be said. The actions never taken, were never meant to be taken. And, with that said, there is no reason to feel bad. All is at it should be, whether you can/could see this or not. Dunno whether this is a past memory or the present. Whatever, it is a beautiful piece.
The Walrus
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Fearless at 09:29 on 30 October 2003
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A bittersweet song, leaving one with nothhing except the air you clutched in your fist of despair....
Fearless
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Ioannou at 14:23 on 30 October 2003
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This is good, Peter. I like the tight format and strong words. 'Thug' in a poem! Great. Love, Maria.
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Bobo at 08:52 on 31 October 2003
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Love this Peter. Sad, powerful...been there, but couldn't have written it so eloquently.
BoBo x
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spud at 11:04 on 31 October 2003
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Peter
I love the craftsmanship of this poem. The imagery is so clear - I can see the back of the departing figure and the desolation of the one who is left behind. Such a sad, sad tale, but beautifully evoked.
Thank you
Spud
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Account Closed at 22:10 on 31 October 2003
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Very masculine poem - and all the more wonderful to see/read for that! Thought the rhyme scheme was very dour (in the best sense) and added to the feeling of stifling downbeat depression. And haven't we all been there, male or female!
Anne B
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Tina at 17:33 on 03 November 2003
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Lovely sad song full of pathos
The words are in the silence and the silence is the words.
great piece
Thanks
Tina
x
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tinyclanger at 17:42 on 06 November 2003
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Peter,
'Enjoyed' this sorrowful lament - just too achingly accurate! I especially like the second stanza - for me that could be a poem in itself, it can stand alone. I'm envious of your ability to rhyme and yet be heart rending. When i try it I sound like a greetings card!
The comment by The Walrus that this is "stifling agony" just sums it up perfectly. Glad to have read it.
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peterxbrown at 23:53 on 09 November 2003
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Thank you for your kind words. I am glad the hurt and sorrow came across in the poem. It still hurts and is a continuos pointless misery!
love peterb xx
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 John G.Hall at 15:40 on 28 January 2004
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Peter,
Love the secret chant of this poem. Almost like a spell being recited, trying to conjure the event up. It also hints that this an often repeated behaviour, recognised as such.
The form fits, top poem.
JGH
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