Luna`s Song
Posted: 11 November 2008
Word Count: 180
Summary: For flash 2 challenge: Changed empathy to apathy as pointed out, wrong word.
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They'd heard it many times through the ages, Luna's Song. She sang while a mere crescent, her silvery light repairing souls, their inner selves.
But through later centuries, she struggled for her voice to be heard as apathy towards the old ways grew and her song weakened and her people, in turn, became deaf to her melodies.
Great Goddess All, impatient at their folly and hurt by her sister's plight, withdrew her protection that reflected dangerous rays from the sun. The sun turned bronze in an opaque sky and as it grew in size, so intense was the heat that the planet began to crumble into dry dust.
Within caverns set deep inside coastal cliffs and high mountains, a few hardy people remained living off cockroaches, bats and rats and, in their hunger, thirst and despair, remembered too late Luna and her song.
And as the last survivors prayed, promising Luna that once again, they'd heed her song, a silver lining, filled with dark, grey cloud, covered entrances to those caverns sealing inside every man, woman and child for ever.
 Comments by other Members
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Posted by :
 V`yonne at 15:47 on 11 November 2008
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Very atmospheric fantasy Jennifer.
The sun turned bronze in an opaque sky and as it grew in size, so intense was the heat that the planet began to crumble into dry dust. |
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Posted by :
tusker at 15:56 on 11 November 2008
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Thanks, Oonah. Maybe the smells around my house, at the moment, prompted this.
Jennifer
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Posted by :
Nella at 20:08 on 11 November 2008
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Lovely take on the challenge, Jennifer. Just two nits:
| covered entrances to those caverns |
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Maybe Covered the entrances would read better?
And "empathy"? It seemed to me to maybe be the wrong word, as I understand it to be the opposite of what I think you mean. But maybe I'm just misunderstanding...
Best,
Robin
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Posted by :
tusker at 07:54 on 12 November 2008
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You're right, Robin. I think I've got emulsion fever.
Jennifer
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Posted by :
Bunbry at 20:05 on 12 November 2008
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Did you mean enmity Jennifer? By the way, a great take on the challenge!
Nick
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Posted by :
tusker at 06:25 on 13 November 2008
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Hi Nick,
I did mean empathy. Checked it out just now.
Thanks.
Jennifer
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Posted by :
tusker at 06:29 on 13 November 2008
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Hi Nick again,
What I meant to say in my last message was that you're right, it should be'emnity.' Thanks again. A strong coffee is needed now.
Jennifer
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Posted by :
tiger_bright at 11:15 on 13 November 2008
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Hi Jennifer, I liked the mythical feel to this, you really conveyed the sense of the cloud AND its silver lining. Thank you for a lyrical read.
Tiger
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Posted by :
tusker at 14:16 on 13 November 2008
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Thanks Tiger. Glad I got it right this time.
jennifer
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Posted by :
Forbes at 23:59 on 13 November 2008
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Now Jennifer - how many fingers am I holding up?
wrong - you can't see any through a screen, silly!!
Emulsion will do that to you!
Lovely take on the prompt.
Cheers
Avis
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Posted by :
tusker at 07:11 on 14 November 2008
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Thanks Avis.
You're holding up 3 fingers. See I can see through the screen.
Jennifer
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Posted by :
tusker at 07:44 on 14 November 2008
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I've changed the word empathy to apathy thanks to Nick's pointer.
Jennifer
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Posted by :
Prospero at 15:59 on 23 November 2008
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Excellent, Jennifer, powerful and effective.
I particularly liked the ending with the caves being sealed.
Best
Prosp
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Posted by :
tusker at 18:52 on 23 November 2008
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Thanks John. I was in a killer mood when I wrote that.
Jennifer
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