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Not Again

by Jubbly 

Posted: 10 November 2008
Word Count: 333
Summary: My attempt at 228 challenge.


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Damn! Where was it? Why was it always like this? The frustration, the frantic searching, the race for time? Would this always be the way? Take a deep breath, she thought to herself, ask St Anthony, heíll know. St Anthony, St Anthony please look around, something is lost and must be found. Penny stood still, her eyes closed and her hands on her forehead - waiting for her beloved Saint to work his magic. But nothing, not this time, nothing. And look at the time, nearly ten, no, not again, please not again. There was always the alternative, of course , she knew that but who wants to go down that road? No, thatís like stepping back in time and Penny is a 21st century girl. Besides what about the next time and the time after that? No, impossible, it had to be found.
By now any calmness had left the room and Penny began the search in earnest. Throwing belongings aside, knocking things over, climbing high and looking down in the vain hope her eyes might alight on the sacred yearned for object. But no, nothing. All the while her thoughts turned to what she might miss, the fear, the terror, resolutions and solutions, odd couplings and passionate embraces. Mysteries solved and more beginning. It was too late to go and find a replacement, too late now, but always tomorrow. The clock said ten, the fight was over. Penny slid to the floor defeated. She lay on her stomach and crawled the mere distance she needed to do the inevitable. As she did, the familiar pale grey caught her eye. Her heart leapt and she reached out hoping it wasnít a mirage.
Yes! Got it! All the time, jammed under the cabinet. She quickly tapped in the necessary numbers and voila.

The screen flickered and the title music of her favourite telly series Lost began. From now on, vowed Penny, that bloody remote is staying taped to the top of the set.






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Comments by other Members



Mazzy at 07:45 on 11 November 2008  Report this post
Julie

I enjoyed the breathless race of this, and I was delighted to discover that there's a patron saint of lost things.

I wondered if this story would have more immediacy told in the present tense? e.g. 'Where is it? Why is it always like this?' etc.

Also, for me, there seemed to be a slight shift in the point of view in the second paragraph. Although the story is consistently told throughout in the third person (which I think works fine), in the first paragraph we are very close up to Penny, inside her thought processes. In the second we seem to be viewing her as an observer from the outside. Perhaps the deliberate shift of perspective is intended.

Anyway, I liked the irony of the ending that's she's trying to find the remote in order to watch Lost!

Mazzy






V`yonne at 16:09 on 11 November 2008  Report this post
There is a remote chance she's addicted to day-time TV

DJC at 12:07 on 12 November 2008  Report this post
Julie - don't you hate it when that happens? My daughter's sole mission in life is to hide the remotes from us. Soooo frustrating.

I love the fact that you wait until the very end for the pay off! Excellent

D.

Bunbry at 18:28 on 12 November 2008  Report this post
Ha, bet we have all done this! Great observation.

Nick

Forbes at 11:36 on 13 November 2008  Report this post
Wonderful, breathless rush of words. The uncertainty of WHAT was lost stayed hidden until the end.

great punchline!

CHeers

AVis

Jubbly at 11:54 on 13 November 2008  Report this post
Thanks everyone for the comments. I do tend to shift perspectives in fiction, I hope it's not too confusing I'll take another look.

J
x

crowspark at 12:46 on 13 November 2008  Report this post
Lol, beautifully trailed twist which invites a second read.

There was always the alternative, of course , she knew that but who wants to go down that road? No, thatís like stepping back in time and Penny is a 21st century girl.


Very funny.

Jordan789 at 19:44 on 13 November 2008  Report this post
This was goofy and lighthearded. An enjoyable misdirection.

I had some issues with the point of view shifts and the abrubt changes in the distance from the character. At first we're inside the character's head (a very close perspective first person), then we see penny(third person at a distance) and then we jump back into her head(also close first person,) and the final paragraph is completely in third person.

You can cut the entire first paragraph if you wanted as the story seems pretty self-contained from that second paragraph onwards.

-Jordan

Jumbo at 15:19 on 15 November 2008  Report this post
Hi

This seems to be a week of panic!

Yes, who was it that invented TV sets with no controls of their own? We're having a new gas fire installed and it seems that nearly all new fires also have remote controls.

What I want is the remote that you click and it cooks the meal or makes the bed! I'll resist the sexist comments!

Great writing, Julie. Breathless and enjoyable. Thanks.

john

choille at 17:45 on 15 November 2008  Report this post
Great Julie,

The frantic, breathless search & then ransacking the place in desperation as if it's a vital lifesaving thing she's lost.

Funny with the twist - the unexpeted pay off.

All the best
Caroline.




DP at 18:18 on 15 November 2008  Report this post
Like the others, I enjoyed this too. I'd never heard the St Anthony prayer\rhyme before!

Doesn't it annoy you when your coffee table accrues three or four remote controls? Must get one of those uber remotes.

All the best,
DP

LMJT at 19:06 on 16 November 2008  Report this post
This is great. Really liked the double reference to Lost.

One nit:
she thought to herself, ask St Anthony, heíll know. St Anthony, St Anthony please look around, something is lost and must be found. Penny

Not sure why, but I think it would read more smoothly if you switched 'she' and 'Penny' around here. Feel we need the character's name as soon as possible

Thanks for the read.

Liam

Prospero at 17:21 on 23 November 2008  Report this post
Very clever, very funny and a great pay-off.

Can't fault it.

Best

Prosp





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