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Barmaid
Posted: 28 October 2003 Word Count: 77 Summary: a trip to the local
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I watch surreptitiously just for the hell of it and because I can spell it smell it spill it She leans with chunky hand on chin smiling while the punters buy her gin Her skirt is short and her left knee has a scab but noone on the drunken side of Jackie's bar has ever grabbed. The low -cut banter and the teeth the loudness and the market chic invite a free-for-all but also builds a wall.
Comments by other Members
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poemsgalore at 18:30 on 28 October 2003
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Makes me think of Kat from Eastenders. I can actually see the bar and the punters, I can even smell the beer. Golly!
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roovacrag at 21:28 on 28 October 2003
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Hey you like barmaids with big boobs. Usually serve the best pints. like it.xx
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Bobo at 09:26 on 29 October 2003
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Great stuff Peter - I particularly liked 'low-cut banter'.
It's made me want to write something pub-influenced...watch this space!
BoBo xxx
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peterxbrown at 23:21 on 30 October 2003
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Thanks Poemsgalore, yes, but Kat is more classy!!
roovacrag, Big boobs!? Yes, but I didn't notice!
Bobo, thankyou, I look forward to reading your pub poem, will it be short or bitter? (Sorry!)
love, peterb xxx
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Account Closed at 22:08 on 31 October 2003
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Very enjoyable - gritty and sexy too, with a punchy ending - good one for a rap reading!
Anne B
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Elsie at 07:34 on 03 November 2003
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HI Peter
I enjoyed this - loved the first two lines, made me chuckle. And the low-cut banter.
Should that ne market chic, or is chique a word I should add to my (limited) vocabulary? Just a little thing, should the last line be 'but also build a wall'?
Elsie
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peterxbrown at 23:47 on 03 November 2003
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Thanks Holly! I appreciate your comments very much.
Elsie, thanks for your comments too. The "chique" was supposed to be funny, (I was also considering "market sheik" but that would have been too silly!) I saw "chique" once in a weekly market and liked it! I am not so sure now and may change it! I am afraid I will keep "builds" though as its the whole effect which builds a wall. I am glad you liked "low-cut banter"! Best wishes peterb xx
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