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Barmaid

by peterxbrown 

Posted: 28 October 2003
Word Count: 77
Summary: a trip to the local


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I watch surreptitiously
just for the hell of it
and because I can spell it
smell it
spill it
She leans with chunky hand on chin
smiling while the punters buy her gin
Her skirt is short
and her left knee has a scab
but noone on the drunken side
of Jackie's bar
has ever grabbed.
The low -cut banter and the teeth
the loudness
and the market chic
invite a free-for-all
but also builds a wall.






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Comments by other Members



poemsgalore at 18:30 on 28 October 2003  Report this post
Makes me think of Kat from Eastenders. I can actually see the bar and the punters, I can even smell the beer. Golly!

roovacrag at 21:28 on 28 October 2003  Report this post
Hey you like barmaids with big boobs. Usually serve the best pints. like it.xx

Bobo at 09:26 on 29 October 2003  Report this post
Great stuff Peter - I particularly liked 'low-cut banter'.

It's made me want to write something pub-influenced...watch this space!

BoBo xxx

peterxbrown at 23:21 on 30 October 2003  Report this post
Thanks Poemsgalore, yes, but Kat is more classy!!
roovacrag, Big boobs!? Yes, but I didn't notice!
Bobo, thankyou, I look forward to reading your pub poem, will it be short or bitter? (Sorry!)
love, peterb xxx

Account Closed at 22:08 on 31 October 2003  Report this post
Very enjoyable - gritty and sexy too, with a punchy ending - good one for a rap reading!

Anne B

Elsie at 07:34 on 03 November 2003  Report this post
HI Peter
I enjoyed this - loved the first two lines, made me chuckle. And the low-cut banter.

Should that ne market chic, or is chique a word I should add to my (limited) vocabulary? Just a little thing, should the last line be 'but also build a wall'?

Elsie

peterxbrown at 23:47 on 03 November 2003  Report this post
Thanks Holly! I appreciate your comments very much.
Elsie, thanks for your comments too. The "chique" was supposed to be funny, (I was also considering "market sheik" but that would have been too silly!) I saw "chique" once in a weekly market and liked it! I am not so sure now and may change it! I am afraid I will keep "builds" though as its the whole effect which builds a wall. I am glad you liked "low-cut banter"! Best wishes peterb xx



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