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Landing

by joanie 

Posted: 14 October 2008
Word Count: 42
Summary: For the Flash Poetry Challnege


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Two nights
in a travelodge
with plastic mattress covers

where the
less than pristine sheet
wrinkles and clings with each turn

until
the bed's a war zone
with concrete pillows shrapnel-

filled. How
different was the dream
we had before our D-day.






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Comments by other Members



V`yonne at 20:03 on 14 October 2008  Report this post
Oh what a tawdry little tale you've painted here, Joanie and so like the motel experience. Felt cheap just reading it ; Also a brilliant description of the bed being like a war zone and the pillow... I seem to spend most nights fighting the pillow - so I really connected with that. Very good take.

joanie at 20:06 on 14 October 2008  Report this post
Thanks for the speed, Oonah! Glad you 'connected'!

joanie

V`yonne at 20:15 on 14 October 2008  Report this post
Just happened to be on here. I hate sleeping in a strange bed:#

MarlaD at 08:16 on 15 October 2008  Report this post
Haha! Brilliant! You kinda put up with it if you've had one of their cheap deals..& somehow sleep better..but 65 for the night & you've just perfectly described what happens x

Nella at 08:45 on 15 October 2008  Report this post
Excellent and creative take on the challenge, Joanie.
And what perfect structure!

joanie at 18:55 on 15 October 2008  Report this post
MarlaD and Nella, thanks very much!

joanie

DJC at 20:35 on 16 October 2008  Report this post
Joanie - this is great. I like the regular syllable count, as it leads you into each stanza. The war images are perfect, as well. Top flash!

tractor at 14:22 on 17 October 2008  Report this post
Hi,

this is very sharp, observant poetry. From the
plastic mattress covers
the
concrete pillows
to reality not matching expectations, it sums the scene so well.

Cheers

Mark

joanie at 18:50 on 17 October 2008  Report this post
Thanks, Darren and Mark!


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