REGRETS by degas - WriteWords.org.uk

WriteWords

REGRETS

by degas

Posted: 25 October 2003
Word Count: 68

Font Size

Printable Version
Print Double spaced

SWOLLEN TORRENT OF PAIN SURROUNDS MY HEART
EVERLASTING TURMOIL STRIKES FIERCE
TO FIND SOLACE IN A CORNER, DEEP AND DARK I WEEP.
A HUMBLE HUMAN WHO HAPPENED UPON LIFE.WRONGLY.
WHAT PROPERTY OR GIFT DO I PRESENT MYSELF WITH?
I AM A BEING,EMPTY AND TIRED.
CONDEMNED, MY FADING FREE SPIRIT TAKES
A VOYAGE UPON OPEN PLAIN,
SPREADS SILENTLY AND ENDLESSLY BEFORE ME
UNKNOWN PROMISES TO MYSELF,I FAIL TO HOLD.

Favourite this work

Favourite This Author

Comments by other Members

miffle at 08:38 on 22 January 2004 Report this post

I liked this - It reminded me of Pablo Neruda's 'Walking Around' (which if read in Spanish is of course better but failing that read the English). "It happens that I am tired of being a man..." - I think that's how it starts. And me too, sometimes I just want to be still; tired of all the walking around.

Wondered why you chose capital letters? I do find them harder to read but then they do remind me of an announcement on a notice board...

Think it might benefit from re-working the punctuation and also (little point) it's 'solace'...

nikki

<Added>

NB

Hope you're OK (?)...

Do not tumble down the well
see the meadows are in flower -
the heart will breathe again
and the spirit find its hour.

Like (0) Helpful (0) Made Me Think (0) Made Me Smile (0) Pure Genius (0)

paul53 [for I am he] at 15:23 on 04 March 2005 Report this post

If you author edit and dump the caps, more may read it.

<Added>

"swollen torrents" or "a swollen torrent"
Leave a space after commas and full stops. Think about losing the full stops and question mark [get the reader to ask the questions]. There is good intemt here. Join a group to grasp the basics.

Like (0) Helpful (0) Made Me Think (0) Made Me Smile (0) Pure Genius (0)

To post comments you need to become a member. If you are already a member, please log in .

Other work by degas:

...view all work by degas