Login   Sign Up 



 

White Heat

by rmol1950 

Posted: 22 August 2008
Word Count: 173
Summary: Here is my entry for this weeks challenge. It started out as an idea for a poem during a flight on Thursday. Then I read your conversations, above, about James Cagney. Today, sitting in the hotel bar, I tweaked it. It's still not good but it gets a point across, I hope. No time for more. It costs a fortune to log on here.


Font Size
 


Printable Version
Print Double spaced


Long haul business class. The little people file sullenly past, herded to the rear, fitted into battery seats designed to develop deep vein thrombosis, excluded by just a curtain from the complimentary champagne, the decadance. I play with the buttons on the control consol. One button raises the partition, the conversation barrier between privileged seats. Another transforms the seat with a soft whir of electric motors, to an orthopaedic bed. Four course dinner, served in luxurious isolated repose, like a Roman emperor, with cognac and chocolate. Fantasizing about the stewardess. Coffee, tea or me? Another button summons her, and the dinner debris disappears. Would I like a pillow? Another cognac perhaps? Let me show you how the movie channel selector works. She leans, so close, and an old sadness is resurrected by her perfume. So many movies. A classic maybe. Yes, James Cagney. Ruthless psychopath, alone in the White Heat and flame of the final explosive scene. ‘Look at me Ma. Top of the world.’

Yes. Top of the world. And all alone.






Favourite this work Favourite This Author


Comments by other Members



V`yonne at 11:44 on 23 August 2008  Report this post
Richard, this is wonderful. I really loved
herded to batteries of deep vein thrombosis,

I have a couple of suggestions: but wait and see what the others think...

I'd split it after stewardess and again, after me.

I'd cut
tea for me
I think it spoils the flow and interrupts our visions of an emperor, which I'd prefer to keep in mind along with Cagney

and I don't think you need
And a huge choice of movie.

Just start that para with
A movie classic...

Then send it somewhere.

rmol1950 at 15:47 on 23 August 2008  Report this post
Oonah
Thank you. I spent an hour sitting in a bar in Perth tweaking it this afternoon and have just this minute uploaded the tweaked version. It was then I spotted you comments. Glad you liked it and hope the tweaked version is an improvement. I will log on again tomorrow.
Best wishes
Richard

V`yonne at 16:14 on 23 August 2008  Report this post
Do you know Richard, I thought the first version had more pith and grit in true Cagney style - but to get the others' opinions, why not put the posts together on here for comparison?
Oonah

Nella at 16:49 on 23 August 2008  Report this post
Very nice, Richard. Of course, I missed the first version. But I like this - the sad and wistful feeling of being alone that not even being treated like an emperor can change.
Best,
Robin

Prospero at 22:39 on 26 August 2008  Report this post
Hi Richard

Having travelled in all three, I can say unequivocally, First isn't that much better than Business, but Business beats out Cattle every time. Working for an airline unquestionably has it's up side. Great story here, with some very shrewd observations. Well done.

Best

Prosp


To post comments you need to become a member. If you are already a member, please log in .