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Granny`s Bonnet
Posted: 01 August 2008
Word Count: 85
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Granny's Bonnet
At B&Q, beyond the Garden-Vacs
and Maxi-Trims, and gawking
Black & Decker aesthetes,
I found some poor mass-market
aquilegias, made off with them
through texstyle wonderlands and burger dens
and microchip bazaars, and took them home
and tucked them in.
Though April’s cold and overcast
one Granny’s Bonnet nods today.
‘To me the meanest flower that blows can give
Thoughts that do often lie too deep for tears’ -
our modern poets may be tired
of saying it, but flowers keep doing it.
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Comments by other Members
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 Tina at 12:47 on 02 August 2008
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Hello James
Well, to me aquilegas could rank as one of the 'fairest flowers in all the field' - even if they are only mass market! I often look at dying flowers in such places and think I should write an elegy for them but.... the words .... well you know what I mean.
I like your line
I like too the opening verses and the all too familiar setting in this hypermarket environment - but I wonder about line three which does not quite 'scan' for me - in verse one/two you have a lot of ands leading us through the litany of all these awful dens to consumerism and this really works well but line three just doesn't work for me because the flow of the writing seems interrupted??? - so I am wondering .....
and gawking aesthetes
by the Black & Deckers,[i/]
would
and gawking
Black and Decker aesthetes
be better???
Sorry to tinker with your work?? Hope you don't mind.
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 James Graham at 15:59 on 02 August 2008
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Thanks Tina. No sooner said than done. This poem needs to flow, because basically it's an anecdote and needs to run smoothly through to the end. It's a lightweight thing, this poem - but even so, it shouldn't stumble.
James.
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.JPG) Zettel at 01:44 on 03 August 2008
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James
A nice poem o 'tuck into' the mind. Thanks.
The quote?
There's rather a beautiful song by Nanci Griffith called Gulf Coast Highway about the Texas 'Blue Bonnet' flowers. Probably avaiable to listen to on the net if you wanbted to.
regards
Keith
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 FelixBenson at 14:56 on 03 August 2008
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Hi James
What a thoughtful poem, which made me smile and re-read it - I smiled at the image which conjures. The rescue dash from the souless, Sunday B&Q on finding these little gems.
And I especially like the central lines, which succinctly convey that simple joy of seeing the first flower on a dreary day:
Though April’s cold and overcast
one Granny’s Bonnet nods today. |
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I wish I could give you some more useful feedback - as you have given me, but I can't anything to change in this poem. Its a little gem too.
Cheers, Kirsty
<Added>
It's a little gem, even!
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 V`yonne at 15:05 on 03 August 2008
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Oh they do indeed and I loved the solitary line too and the words of Wordsworth ring as true as ever they did.
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