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Dinosaur
Posted: 23 October 2003 Word Count: 87 Summary: A work in progress... put on the site as a companion to peterxbrown's poem on teaching.
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His battered old desk is a pulpit From which his shabby sermons are spoken, To a congregation of culprits Who think that rules are meant to be broken.
They rarely listen to him these days, But then he rarely delivers with any zest. A monotone murmur of poems and plays; Below their noise and above their heads.
A bother of dust; he creaks and groans, The lessons he loved lost in history, And through his beard nest he quietly bemoans How extinction crept up on him quickly.
Comments by other Members
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spud at 10:46 on 24 October 2003
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Barney
As you know I've read Peter's poem and this works really well, not only as a companion piece but also in its own 'write'.
It is very clear what this poem is about and I can well imagine the 'dinosaur' standing there, head bowed, quiet and resigned amid the noise. It's very moving.
I too had a teacher with a 'beard nest'.
Can't wait to read this when it's no longer 'in progress'.
cheers
Spud
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Account Closed at 20:45 on 25 October 2003
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Enjoyed the feeling of despair (is that possible? oh well, you know what I mean!) and resignation in this one. I did wonder though if it would be better if the rhythm was sharpened up a bit as a counterpoint to the idea contained in it??? eg (vague suggestions follow!!) ...
His battered old desk is a pulpit
From which his shabby sermons are spoken,
To a congregation of culprits
For whom (change here?) rules are meant to be broken.
They don't (change here?) listen to him these days,
For he never delivers with (change here?) zest.
A monotone murmur of poems and plays (take out semi-colon?)
Below their shouts but (change here?) above their heads.
A bother of dust; he creaks and groans,
The lessons he loved lost in history,
And through his beard (take out nest for the rhythm??) he quietly bemoans
How extinction crept up on him quickly.
I've put in brackets where I MIGHT ("might" emphasised!!) change something, but feel free to shout back at me (many do!) By the way, I absolutely LOVED "a bother of dust".
Sorry to be so specific but I got very caught up in this one (I come from a family of teachers ...)
Anne B
x
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Kara at 16:37 on 08 March 2005
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great descriptions, but very very sad (in in the old fashioned meaning of the word. thanks
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