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Ode to a Dead Rat

by Sparrow_splitter 

Posted: 23 October 2003
Word Count: 81

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Content Warning
This piece and/or subsequent comments may contain strong language.

You looked kinda cute,
lying there with your lifeless face.
The spark was still in your eyes,
although they no longer saw.

I ran my fingers through your hair
and smiled warmly.

The fleas were disembarking from your corpse;
jetison from your body
like the soul from your mind.

A trickle of blood emerged
from your gaping mouth;
it glistened in the morning light.

That trap had really done a job on your neck.
That's what I bought the cunt for

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Comments by other Members

dr_mandrill at 18:27 on 23 October 2003  Report this post
No trace of guilt for this ratkiller. Just tenderness, and a sense of longing.

I like the idea of running one's fingers through a dead rat's hair.

I applaud your brave use of the mother of all swears.

Keep pushing back the boundaries, man.


Ticonderoga at 00:27 on 24 October 2003  Report this post

Agree with DM; excellent. Two small points - shouldn't it be jetisoned (if that's how you spell it)?, and, I'm no prude, but I think you've used the word cunt in a very male way, the way that many women rightly find offensive. I like the word in its proper, affectionate usage, which, at least, goes back to Chaucer. Why not, 'That's what I bought the fucker for.'? Great stuff, though; worthy of Ted Hughes at his best.

Love and Mercy,


Sparrow_splitter at 00:09 on 30 October 2003  Report this post
Hi Mike, Hi DM. Thanks for the feedback.
I thought long and hard about using that word at the end, maybe I was just going for the cheap shock value, but I think it kind of works. I might change it to the less offensive 'That's what I bought it for' but I can't decide yet.

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