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Where`s My Bone?

by Sweetmotherpie 

Posted: 17 July 2008
Word Count: 415
Summary: About a dog who has lost his bone and goes on a search for it!


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One day, little Tommy the terrier ran to the park to dig up his bone.

“I want my bone!” he said as he ran.

But when he got there, he found it had disappeared!

“Where’s my bone?” said Tommy.

Tommy ran off to the bushes to get his bone.


When he got there, he saw Loud Larry the Labrador sniffing at the ground!

“WHERE’S MY BONE!” barked Tommy.

“I haven’t got it!” Larry boomed, “I bet that Roy the rover has! I saw him by the park

bench looking suspicious!”

So Tommy and Roy set off to the park bench.


They jumped over feet, zoomed through legs, ran into a picnic, chased after ducks,

and dodged an ice cream van before they finally reached the park bench.


They heard a CHOMP CHOMP CHOMP underneath the bench. There was Roy the Rover!

“WHERE’S MY BONE!” barked Tommy.

“I haven’t got it!” chomped Roy, “This is my toy!”

Poor old Tommy sighed. Where on earth was his bone?


Roy, Larry, and Tommy all made there way up Dappler’s Hill to look for Tommy’s

bone in the trees, when they heard a CHOMP CHOMP CHOMP coming from a bush

“What’s that?” Tommy said.

They went to the tree to find out where the noise was coming from.


Where’s my bone/Sade Anthony 2


The sound became louder and louder and louder till Tommy pushed a bush away and saw….

OLLIE THE COLLIE WITH HIS BONE!!!!!!!!!!!


Ollie the collie gasped and got up to run.

“GIVE ME MY BONE!” yelled Tommy.

“NEVER!” Ollie yelled back, speeding down the hill with a great big bone in his

mouth.


Roy, Larry and Tommy all began to chase Ollie the collie all the way down the steep

steep hill. He was going to the pond!

“Stop running and give me my bone!” Tommy shouted.

“NO!” Ollie shouted back.


The pond had got closer and closer and closer then suddenly…

SPLASH!!!!! All four of dogs fell into the muddy old pond.

“Where’s Ollie?” Tommy spluttered as horrible green slime hung on his lip.

The three dogs looked all around them, but Ollie was nowhere to be seen.


With no idea where his juicy big bone had gone, a very sad Tommy returned home.

As he sat on his dog bed, he felt a lump underneath him.

“What’s this?” Tommy asked.

He pushed his bed over and looked underneath….


There, in all its glory, was big brand new bone!

Tommy had hidden more than one!






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Comments by other Members



Steerpike`s sister at 11:18 on 17 July 2008  Report this post
I like the energy of this story, but I' m not sure the ending quite works. It seems a bit unrelated to the main thread of the story. I think that to be really satisfying, Tommy should get his bone back from Ollie, maybe with help from the other dogs, or they should all decide to share the bone. At the moment the other bone feels a bit like cheating the reader - like the ending depends on knowing something outside the story that the child couldn' t guess, and somehow that feels unsatisfying. I do like the simpplicity of the chase and the growing list of dogs though. And LOL at
NEVER!
!

James James at 11:39 on 17 July 2008  Report this post
What, so Ollie the collie drowned? That' s... sick.

You ought to be ashamed of yourself.

Reminds me a bit of Where' s My Cow?, which crops up in a Discworld novel.
Terry Pratchett wrote:
Where' s my cow?
Is that my cow?
It goes ' baa'
It' s a sheep.
That' s not my cow







Steerpike`s sister at 11:51 on 17 July 2008  Report this post
That' s based on the very popular but insanely repetitive Usborne series of baby touch & feel books ' That' s not my...' (insert noun of choice). Each page then goes on to say why it isn' t the baby' s (noun of choice) by using textured parts in the page to reinforce senses. My favourite is ' That' s not my plane... its wings are too squashy' I wouldn' t board a plane with squashy wings either!

NMott at 14:29 on 17 July 2008  Report this post
It has some lovely images:


They jumped over feet, zoomed through legs, ran into a picnic, chased after ducks,

and dodged an ice cream van before they finally reached the park bench.



The pond had got closer and closer and closer then suddenly…

SPLASH!!!!! All four of dogs fell into the muddy old pond.



Bit of a typo -

Where’s my bone/Sade Anthony 2



After reading the story, the only thing I wasn' t sure of was why Tommy wouldn' t share his bone. Usually such children' s stories there' s a moral or a message at the centre of it, and although Tommy' s had his bone stolen from him he does seem a little selfish. For all he knowws, his friend may have just found it. Maybe the other dog' s been keeping it safe until the rightful owner turns up, and thought Tommy just wanted to play follow my leader through the park? Just something to consider in future stories.
All the best with the writing, and welcome to Write words.


- NaomiM


Sweetmotherpie at 15:18 on 18 July 2008  Report this post
i';d just like to say, Ollie the Collie never drowned!

he had escaped while the other dogs were coughing


thanks for your comments- i shall use them to improve my story.

cheers!

Beanie Baby at 22:37 on 05 August 2008  Report this post
I like the energy of it too and it conjured up some amazing pictures in my head! I too think you need to make it clear that Ollie doesn't drown and I think your ending does need tweaking but apart from that, I think kids would love it!
Beanie


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