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Air Quality

by meglet 

Posted: 09 July 2008
Word Count: 195
Summary: a love-sick doctor


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Air Quality

I remember the way she leaned into her knees, breathless, sitting in her mother’s semi-private room. Her purse had a crushed flower petal design.

She’d asked to consult with me directly before the admissions release – she told the nurses I seemed the expert on bi-pulmonary embolism, her mother’s condition. She’d insisted on having a “wrap up” with me – seemed proud of herself for it. Surprised, I explained how I was just one of her mother’s five docs - taking information to prescribe blood thinners.

“Well, the point is that I love nice doctors,” she said, her teeth white as gurney covers. Clearly, they were bleached, though I’d come to expect that phony whiteness. Tea-stained smiles were a thing of the past.

My days jostle along, one day and then the next one shoving after. I think about what I would do or say, even how I’d sound saying it, the exact words I’d choose.

I would ask her to step outside and have some air with me, even if the air quality was dangerous. I would let her know how my blue pen exploded in my pocket moments after she left.






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Comments by other Members



V`yonne at 09:05 on 10 July 2008  Report this post
Undiagnosed biro embolism, eh? Very good Liked that locked-in feel.

It helps to identify (although it isn' t a rule - more a curtesy) whether or not a piece is for the challenge, in the summary section at the top.

Another tip is to not put the title in the text box as it gets included in the word total and we usually have a set limit. When the limit is small, every little helps. We even shave off dashes )

Oonah

tusker at 14:46 on 10 July 2008  Report this post
I enjoyed that. I' m glad it was only his pen that exploded in his pocket. No pun intended.

Jennifer

Forbes at 18:47 on 10 July 2008  Report this post
Ha ...

my blue pen exploded in my pocket moments after she left.


surely a euphemism - if ever I read one!!!

Nice one - for the challenge? or no.

Cheers

Avis

Jumbo at 22:16 on 10 July 2008  Report this post
Hi Meg

Welcome to Flash 1!!

Loved

My days jostle along, one day and then the next one shoving after.

Great writing.

Regards

john




meglet at 06:11 on 11 July 2008  Report this post
Thank you everyone for your helful comments!

This story was not meant to be in the weekly challenge - sorry for not clarifying.

crowspark at 00:00 on 13 July 2008  Report this post
Hi Meg

That is a strong opening paragraph. Great description of her distress with this sympathetic detail,

Her purse had a crushed flower petal design.


A satisfying piece. Each paragraph stands on its own and contributes to the development of the piece. Nice work!

SJ Williamson at 16:15 on 17 April 2009  Report this post
This was so clear in my imagination as I read it, that I felt I was almost there in the hospital.

Sometimes I have trouble catching on to hidden meanings behind things (or even if there are any), but I felt there may have been something behind much of this piece.

I'd like to read more.

SJ


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