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Wild side - Flash Poetry Challenge 12

by joanie 

Posted: 28 June 2008
Word Count: 287
Summary: A VERY strange journey! I am posting EVERYTHING - and I'm not finished yet!

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That's it now! No more
Another hand would change the general
world, while borders bang and starkness
Another hand would try to lose
the wild, while diabetic dogs
roam free.
Another hand would listen
to the streets. Deaf ears fail
to listen.

The latest version

The wild going with another hand
the general world, the border, more bang.
Listen, let me lose the wild. So day and night
this open way the starker shine. The wild
was always neither going in the streets
nor in another hand. The dog with insulin
has my hand.

Version 2
My hand in the general world, the wild
insulin, neither this nor that but more bang
to listen to the dog. Let me lose the wild
going. Another hand streets. So day and night
in this way we go on. Shine stark.

Version 1
A dog with insulin had my hand
in the general world. The wild
neither this nor that said border more was bang
to sure also version. Listen
dog so it is, let me lose in the give
was I left. More what he wild was always
that it neither going with another hand
him streets. So. Day and night in
this open way we go on starker shine.

Original poem
Een hond met ijzeren ogen had mijn hand
in zijn mond genomen. Ik wilde
niet dat dit gebeurde maar was bang
te scheuren als ik mij verzette. Luister
hond, zei ik, laat me los en ik geef je
wat je verlangt. Maar wat hij wilde was alleen
dat ik niet verder ging en met mijn andere hand
hem streelde. Zo. Dagen en nachten in
zijn ogen zag wie van ons sterker scheen.

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Comments by other Members

Inspiration at 21:58 on 28 June 2008  Report this post
This was fun to do, I can tell, and I found it the same. It' s surreal and really makes me feel like I have searched a different depth to write this week' s challenge, and you look like you have done the same thing, and thoroughly enjoyed doing so.

Wonderfully, bizarre yet, fascinating to see the process and the obvious fun this challenge has brought you.

Thanks for sharing.


joanie at 22:05 on 28 June 2008  Report this post
Absolutely right, Inni! Thanks for reading.


joanie at 22:19 on 28 June 2008  Report this post
After a few tries, I am stopping here! A very interesting challenge! Thanks, Elsie.


V`yonne at 23:17 on 28 June 2008  Report this post
Interesting, Joanie. You are so right about this being a very strange thing to do but utterly fascinating and with some bizarre results - the dog with insulin eh?

Elsie at 14:57 on 29 June 2008  Report this post
Hello Joanie, sorry for the delay, I' ve just spotted this. I like the banging borders. Clever. I found myself reading with a smile. (I' m sure someone I know has a diabetic dog.) Hmm, interesting.

Nella at 14:41 on 30 June 2008  Report this post
This is wild, Joanie! In the end, you made some sense of it. Except for the dog with insulin which is really rather strange! (But it makes me laugh!) I wonder, how did you know that "hond" means dog? Do you know a few words of Dutch?

This is a very interesting phras:
while borders bang and starkness

I like the image of starkness shining.


joanie at 16:52 on 30 June 2008  Report this post
Elsie and Nella, many thanks! It was was odd, wasn' t it, but I did make the effort! I just assumed ' hond was like hound!

Yes, I think the banging borders and shining starkness might appear again sometime!


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