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Swan Song

by riderainclouds 

Posted: 25 June 2008
Word Count: 273
Summary: I'm not quite sure myself, but I take it as a a faraway soldier's wish to live on through his distant child.


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I am a soldier
whose time is quickly fading
Broken promises, waiting
for the flower I sold her

My nameís now a number
and I fight for fortune
But soon Iíll return for
my memories, tortured

Sell me your vision
my blind eyes are bloodied
and breathing comes easy
once you open your chest

Once I was broken
But now Chance has spoken
And their faces are fading
forever engraving;
my epitaphic bust
on this lonely rock face:
ďThese moments are ephemeral;
Itís the glory I lustĒ

The sun told the clouds
about its bloody story
my portent of glory
their augury of innocence
and Iíll be remembered
once theyíre born in December

So if Iím immortal
please tell them my story
I know it feels easy
to put me to rest

Sell me your vision
my blind eyes are bloodied
and breathing comes easy
once you open your chest

I hear the crying
of children undying
Their soft hearts are beating
Their shadows now fleeting
my nameís held aloft
on her pregnant breast

Slow recollection
through their first inquiries
They will be told whatís
forgotten by history
And Iíll not be lost
in timeís great collection
In the dusk of their eyes
Iíll live on through memory

Where my bullets burned brightly
my soul will sigh lightly
And I will come home again
Flowers in hand and then
Iíll live forever
as my dying bequest

Sell me your vision
my blind eyes are bloodied
and breathing comes easy
once you open your chest

Sell me your vision
my blind eyes are bloodied
and dreaming comes easy
once youíve flown from the nestÖ






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Comments by other Members



Florence at 14:18 on 25 July 2008  Report this post
I don't know why, but I liked this poem the further on I read. I particularly like the recurring refrain which reminds the reader the soldier's already dying. The fourth verse (once I was broken...)I think halts the flow of the poem slightly - the verses before and after are rooted very much in the soldier's current predicament and his wishes for his future children - wheras V4 seems slightly abstract and disjointed from both these aspects. Have you thought about editing it down slightly to improve the flow?

I'm always impressed though when I read something of this length with an overarching theme - I always chicken out really early and cant get past 2/3 verses!

Hope that helps, F


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