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Friendly Offering

by tusker 

Posted: 19 June 2008
Word Count: 480
Summary: Flash challenge: Miss Envyosity theme.


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In the beginning, Envis tasted a strange metallic taste in her mouth and as the taste sharpened to acidic lime, the silver jewellery she loved to wear,turned a smelly pewter green.

Then one evening, while inspecting her tongue in the mirror, she noticed that her skin had taken on a pale, cucumber sheen that both startled and frightened her.

Behind her, her friend Jasmine having called by for a coffee, waited for Envis to finish her inspection and, looking at her friend through the mirror, Envis realised, not for the first time, that beneath Jasmine's mask of cool beauty lay a demon of treachery.

As days turned to months, the taste in Envis's mouth became fetid, like rotting leaves, and despite her many warnings of Jasmine's stealthy duplicity, mutual friends withdrew from Envis as if she was the pariah.

Couldn't they see through that angelic facade? Couldn't they understand that Jasmine took hold of their hearts? Claimed them as her own? And those tormented questions haunted her by both day and night until that metallic taste thickened, almost stifling her.

But on this warm, sunny early morning, Envis feels better as she waits in the park for Jasmine's daily appearance. Then, at the corner of her eye, she catches a flash of white shorts and T-shirt. Hears her friend's easy paced strides drawing closer.

Finally, Jasmine reaches the bench enquiring, a little breathlessly, if Envis is all right. Envis nods and that metallic taste seems to hinge her jaw shut, her tongue rigid.

Despite the sound of blood pounding in her ears, she hears Jasmine ask in her familiar, condescending tone if Envis too has taken up jogging? Envis, forcing her mouth open, explains that she's out for a stroll, though her coherent reply churns like a miasma of bitter fury inside her head.

Then, noticing Jasmine glance at her watch, Envis gives her friend a pleading smile. Pats the bench in a silent invitation. Sighing, Jasmine sits down on the edge of the seat, commenting on an important business meeting she must attend at 11.30am.

Taking out two small brown bread rolls from a plastic bag, Envis offers her one. Jasmine shakes her head but, changing her mind, as if not wanting to cause any offence, she accepts the proffered roll with obvious reluctance.

Biting into the roll, Jasmine winces and Envis, putting on a needy expression openly wonders if maybe she could sell her newly created jam in the local organic shop.

Jasmine asks what sort of jam it is before gulping down the rest in an attempt, Envis suspects,to get rid of the foul flavour as quickly as possible.

Getting up from the bench, Envis throws her own uneaten roll into the waste bin, saying, 'Poisoned Ivy Conserve,'
and walking away,ignoring her friend's terrifed cries, she leaves the park planning the outfit she'll wear to Jasmine's funeral.






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Comments by other Members



Forbes at 14:59 on 19 June 2008  Report this post
Revenge is a dish... and I' ll bet this jam was cold!

LOL for this one Jennifer. She got her own back -eh?

I was a little worried about the similarity of the name - very near, don' t you think? But then as the story unfolded, I realised...this is exactly what I' d want to do!! So that' s alright then!!

Nice take on the picture - If I remember correctly.

Cheers

Avis

V`yonne at 15:07 on 19 June 2008  Report this post
I think it would be better if Jasmine accepted the sandwich right away all trusting-like. I wasn' t sure what Jasmine was supposed to have done to Envis. Isn' t just that Envis is jealous of her beauty and makes up that she' s treacherous to give herself an excuse for her hatred?

Great take - I knew by the look of that gal she was poisonous )

I don' t think even DJ could sell that jam

tusker at 16:01 on 19 June 2008  Report this post
Thanks Avis. I knew a woman called Envis. It' s an odd name.
You' re right Oonah, Envis is jealous of her friend' s beauty, her popularity. DJ' s too good to sell that jam.

Jennifer

Elbowsnitch at 16:40 on 19 June 2008  Report this post
Jennifer, that great first paragraph drew me right in - although I wouldn' t put a comma after ' wear' . Love the ' pale cucumber sheen' of her skin, too - wonder what colour her tongue turned? - I imagine a much darker green.

The story progresses so convincingly, with the mutual friends withdrawing from Envis instead of Jasmine, counter to plan!

The poison ivy jam is a wonderful touch - I love
Jasmine winces and Envis, putting on a needy expression openly wonders if maybe she could sell her newly created jam in the local organic shop.


Frances


tusker at 17:09 on 19 June 2008  Report this post
Thanks Frances. Glad you liked it.

Jennifer

titania177 at 17:54 on 19 June 2008  Report this post
Jennifer, a great tale, the skin turning green, I love the descriptions of how it develops! Is it that Jasmine is turning Envis green... I think I may have misunderstood, I thought that Jasmine was doing it to her. But now I think maybe she was doing it to herself... Sorry, am feeling a little stupid today, it' s very hot!

Tania

tusker at 18:35 on 19 June 2008  Report this post
Hi Tania, Envis is doing it to herself. Lucky you, it' s not hot here. Sunny but very windy.

Jennifer

Prospero at 19:09 on 19 June 2008  Report this post
Thannyervermuuch! Ladies and Gentlemen, Envis, has left the building!

This is a fantastic story, Jennifer, in every sense of that much misused word.

A thoroughly well rounded read with a satisfying denoument.

May I suggest ' welded shut' rather than ' hinged shut' . Just a thought.

Best

John

tusker at 14:31 on 20 June 2008  Report this post
Thanks John for your kind comments. Yes, you' re right, welded would be better. Sorry I didn' t have time to do one for yours in Flash1. Time has been a bit short this week.

Jennifer

V`yonne at 17:59 on 20 June 2008  Report this post
Didn' t even notice that because Noel would say hinged shut too

tusker at 06:58 on 21 June 2008  Report this post
Oh dear, eeny meeny miney mo! weld or hinge what will it be?



V`yonne at 08:36 on 21 June 2008  Report this post
weld

tusker at 08:52 on 21 June 2008  Report this post
Okay.

Jennifer

tractor at 13:55 on 21 June 2008  Report this post
Hi Jennifer,

poisonous people and poisoned preserves. Can' t have much sympathy for either of the characters but I don' t like condesencion (not even sure if I can spell it!) so well done Envis.

Cheers

Mark

tusker at 14:29 on 21 June 2008  Report this post
Thanks Mark.

Jubbly at 18:54 on 21 June 2008  Report this post
Great tale of revenge and very visual.

Well done
J

tusker at 07:00 on 22 June 2008  Report this post
Thanks Julie.

Jennifer

Inspiration at 13:58 on 22 June 2008  Report this post
A good story of revenge, with a delightfully wicked ending.

Well done!

XXXInniXXX

tusker at 14:32 on 22 June 2008  Report this post
Thanks Inni.

Jennifer


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