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Stephen`s War

by FIONA-CATHERINE 

Posted: 19 October 2003
Word Count: 149
Summary: Having being brought up as a child within an RAF environment, I have seen and experienced the impact of war. The war in Iraq brought back many memories, and here it is reflected through the eyes of a child
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Stephen's War

Can I stay up and watch the war Daddy?
The boys have been talking at school
Of bombs and guns and tanks, Daddy
And soldiers fighting too

Stephen's Mum says he can't watch the war Daddy
Its not very nice his Mum says
To see soldiers with bombs, guns and tanks, Daddy
In a desert in a land far away

Stephen wasn't at school today, Daddy
Miss said he'd be staying away
His Father, was killed in the war, Daddy
Fighting soldiers in the desert yesterday

The boys didn't play war games today, Daddy
The playground was quiet all day
And we went to the school hall to pray, Daddy
For Stephen's Daddy who died yesterday

I don't want to watch the war Daddy
I don't want to play war games again
I don't want to see people cry, Daddy
I don't want to feel Stephen's pain






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Comments by other Members



bluesky3d at 19:40 on 19 October 2003  Report this post
Fiona-Catherine - a poignant poem that captures so well the dilemma of war without becoming sentimental - it felt very touching and true.
Andrew
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poemsgalore at 18:43 on 20 October 2003  Report this post
This actually brought tears to my eyes, not an easy thing to do. But the way you are looking at the horror of war through an innocent child's eyes makes it unbearably sad to read. Excellent.
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olebut at 13:36 on 22 January 2004  Report this post
Fiona

welcome to Write Words

as somebody who has written a number of poems about War and related events I can relate to the style and the topic it has a childish simplicty to it, which reminds me of something else but I can't think what, but would offer a couple of small commnets

1st stanza I think you should look again at the second and fourth line. in the rest of the poem you effectively use full rhyme but not in these two lines and I think it spoils the poem.

2nd stanza I would consider changing the first line to

Stephen can't watch the war daddy

and perhaps change mum to mummy in line 2

in the last line amend to In a desert land far away

3rd stanza last line

I think you should look at 'yesterday' it doesn't quite work with 'far away' in line 2


I think you have the makings of a good poem and regardless of taking my suggestions on board I am sure with your own polishing it will create a lot of appeal and interest

take care

david
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laurafraser at 18:36 on 14 April 2005  Report this post
sad, poignant and all to real. the repition of "daaddy" reminds me of a poem I wrote, the context of which is quite different, but i think it is a word that when repeated really works well, especially when you bring it into a subject like war.

What a wonderfully strong and emotive poem.

LAura
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Plagious at 17:27 on 20 August 2005  Report this post
Fiona-Catherine

An interesting view - a child's observation of a distant war and how it might affect them via school friends. Might be a subject to explore again?

Plagious
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