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Battling For Gucci

by tusker 

Posted: 03 June 2008
Word Count: 311
Summary: For the Shopping challenge


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It knocks, banging away in my mind, the one question that has plagued me since yesterday, 'What if I fail?'

I lie awake in my sleeping bag, rigid with cold, silently screaming my concerns of failure. Darkness envelopes me. Other bodies shift. Murmur. Fart. Snore. I'm suffocating on a cushion of navy blue that is covering my face, protecting chapped lips.

Dawn arrives on a drizzle of icy needles. Tension ripples through my body as I scramble up and out of my uncomfortable bed and note a queue of hard nosed hopefuls behind and in front of me.

I'm longing for a pee and trying to distract myself from the thought of release, mentally hum, 'I'm Singing In The Rain,' But others, it seems, having no discretion, release their load of flasked tea and coffee like a stable of raddled horses.

Now a cry goes up and, like a Mexican wave, arms rise with echoing cries of, 'The doors are open!' And like a herd of wildebeest, we charge towards those doors, bodies pushing, hands shoving as we tumble, stumble, into the warmth of Debenhams.

Avoiding the lift and escalators, I charge up the stairs to the third floor, hearing others charging up behind me and, sprinting through to the accessories department, breathlessly I reach my goal.

There it is, the Gucci handbag I've yearned for. It hangs just a few feet away. Throwing myself forward, I make a grab for it but another makes a grab for it too. We tussle and, the woman, tall, built like a wrestler, yanks at a strap and, the bag unable to withstand such brutal force, rips asunder.

A stunned, silent moment passes. Then with a roar of bereavement, I kick out at my opponent, catching her on the shin, and she, in retaliation and with a bejewelled fist, punches me on the nose.






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Comments by other Members



Prospero at 17:52 on 03 June 2008  Report this post
Oh Jennifer

What a shame, I was really rooting for you to get the bag. I do hope this was just imagination and you didn't really go through this?

Great story though, I was right up there with you at head of the charge, though I would have probably peeled off and headed for the Hi Fi department. There is a BOSE Wave I have my eye on.

Best

John

tusker at 18:36 on 03 June 2008  Report this post
Thanks, John. Wish I could afford Gucci even at sale prices. Always wanted to witness the stampede though.

Jennifer

tiger_bright at 18:42 on 03 June 2008  Report this post
Hi Avis, this tickled me. Terrific tale of greed and vanity - that last line was a belter.

John - what's a BOSE Wave? Is it a kind of hair-do?

Prospero at 06:01 on 04 June 2008  Report this post
Hi Tiger

A BOSE Wave is a compact Hi Fi with a radio and a CD player in a single box, but the sound quality is extraordinary, as good as many full stereo systems.

Best

John

tusker at 07:18 on 04 June 2008  Report this post
Hi Tiger, Thanks for enjoying it. Apparently, blows are thrown at such events. It's the queuing all night I wouldn't fancy, and the punch of course unless it was in a bottle.

Jennifer

tiger_bright at 09:09 on 04 June 2008  Report this post
Ah, I see now, Prosps. That's the price I pay for being tone-deaf.

Jumbo at 18:39 on 04 June 2008  Report this post
Jennifer

Loved this - great tension in those opening sentences. And then the madness of the charge.

'Fraid I would have been with Prosp heading for the HiFi!

Nicely done - a great take on the challenge.

All the best

john

Forbes at 22:15 on 04 June 2008  Report this post
Jennifer - nicely done. This placed me there - although I'd been in a prison camp and worse at the first in your story. All that talk of wee-ing made me think the worst.

Only when I got to Debenhams did I realise where we were. Nicely witheld.

I wanted your MC to get the bag too.

Cheers

Avis

tusker at 15:20 on 05 June 2008  Report this post
Thanks John and Avis.

Jennifer

V`yonne at 16:18 on 05 June 2008  Report this post
Good one Jennifer.

tusker at 16:41 on 05 June 2008  Report this post
Thanks Oonah.

Jennifer

tractor at 16:57 on 07 June 2008  Report this post
Jennifer,

a great tale that proves there's no such thing as a bargain. Liked the sprinkled detail, the flasks, the bejewelled fist (surely she doesn't have to wait for a sale!).

Cheers

Mark

Elbowsnitch at 18:27 on 07 June 2008  Report this post
Brilliant flash, Jennifer - so full of lively detail! Not quite sure about 'silently screaming my concerns' - can you scream a concern? But I love

Dawn arrives on a drizzle of icy needles.

- although should it be 'in' or 'with', rather than on?

also love
But others, it seems, having no discretion, release their load of flasked tea and coffee like a stable of raddled horses.

- although I think you could delete 'it seems,'

also love the 'roar of bereavement' - great! Like toddlers attacking each other.

Frances




crowspark at 21:37 on 07 June 2008  Report this post
Hi Jennifer

This is full pelt! Although I have never queued for a sale I believe my eldest sister has, and, being six feet tall, she has developed a very effective technique for these situations . She scares me anyway

Loved the ending.

Thanks for the read.


tusker at 06:53 on 08 June 2008  Report this post
Thanks Mark, Frances and Bill.

Jennifer


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