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Ready to die

by Joel 

Posted: 27 April 2008
Word Count: 996


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Sitting in his favourite chair in the garden of Summer Hill, Fred Dowsett closed his eyes and wondered if he was ready to die. It surprised him to realise until his lunchtime conversation with Edith, he’d never really thought about this before. To try and uncover the answer, he rummaged through his life and relived his favourite memories. There was the September after the war when, with his medal from the King, he was cheered walking down Adstone High Street. Then there was the summer day he married Lizzie in the chapel on the hill and the first holiday they spent camping in St. Ives when it rained for a week and…

“Freddy Dowsett, what are you dreaming of with that charming smile on your face?”

Dazzled by the sun, Fred thought for a second it was Lizzie, but the old familiar ache filled his gut when he remembered it would never be her again. It was a few seconds more before he recognised the woman with the sky blue eyes and dimples.

“Oh, hello Edith. I was just getting all nostalgic and must have dozed off.”

She chuckled and leaned so close that Fred could smell peppermints on her breath. “You don’t need to wallow in the past to feel happy Freddy. Remember what I said about my secret?”

Fred ran his hand through his hair. When they first met, Edith said it made him look like a wise old lion, a silver Aslan. He smiled even though he had no idea what she was talking about. That was nothing new. She often said things that lost him. That day, over a lunch of under-cooked potatoes and over-cooked lamb, she’d squeezed his hand started going on about this secret of hers

“You and me both know this is it, Freddy. This is where it all ends. Our next stop is six feet under. So all I’m saying to you, dear boy, is that I have the secret to us living a little better and a little longer.”

He nodded, feigning interest just because he liked the sound of her voice and her company, and how she laughed so easily. But when she’d asked if he wanted to know more, he mumbled something about not having thought much about dying.

“Well, you must be the only person in this damned place who hasn’t. Let me know when you want me to share it with you. No rush. We’re not going anywhere, are we?”

He didn’t answer. He didn’t need to.

And now here she was, interrupting his reminiscences with the same old talk. He’d rather go back to his dreaming, but he didn’t want to tell her to go away, so he dragged himself up, made his excuses and went back to the little box room he now called home. Yet even there, thoughts of this secret stuck with him like a raspberry pip in the teeth. That night he found it hard to sleep, and when he did he dreamt of Lizzie. The way she pouted, just like she did when he’d snuck home after one ale too many, woke him in a sweat.

“Listen, Lizzie, after forty-seven years together, I’d know if you were waiting, I’d feel it. But even though I don’t buy into this heaven lark I’d rather be on my way than hang around much longer without you.”

He felt better after speaking his thoughts aloud, even in the middle of the night with only the moon and the stars there to listen. He avoided Edith for a few days afterwards. Sometimes in the TV room, he saw her staring at him with a strange look on her face. If he caught her eye, she’d turn away. It made him feel bad, cruel even, that he wasn’t curious about her secret, but he wasn’t one of those people who clung onto life like a limpet.

Late one afternoon, he decided to tell her that the good parts were done and now he was winding down. She was sitting on the bench by the pond staring at the water. Fred was gazing at her, not even realising he was doing it, when the sun came from behind a cloud. The light, honeyed and mellow, covered her in a soft glow and for a few seconds made her look as if she’d been crafted from burnished bronze. Fred’s mouth dropped open. His body gave a little shudder. He stood staring for a while longer, then slowly made his way over to her.

“Freddy, I’m glad to see you’re not frowning today. I know this place can be a bit glum at times, but it’s summer and summer is for smiling.” She patted the bench. “Keep me company for a while?”

He sat next to her and cleared his throat. “I’ve been considering your suggestion.”

“Oh yes.”

“I might not have had any children, but I’ve had a full life. I had a great wife and friends I’d die for. But when I arrived here, I came to terms with just fading away.”

“What else could you do, Freddy?”

Edging closer, he realised he was sweating, and that his heart was all fluttery. He hadn’t felt so ruffled, so zingy, so alive for a long time. “That’s what I was going to tell you just now, but then I saw the sun shining on you and it made you look really beautiful in a way I'd never seen before. I didn’t think the world could still surprise me like that. So, this thing you’ve been talking about. I’d like to know it.”

“Are you absolutely sure?” she said, taking his hand.

“Absolutely.”

She smiled, moved her face so close to his they breathed the same warm summer air and kissed him. He wasn’t sure how long she held him, but when she finally let him go, he couldn’t stop grinning.

“Is that your secret?”

“That’s part of it,” she said, and kissed him again.














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Comments by other Members



Cornelia at 19:02 on 27 April 2008  Report this post
I loved this - the atmosphere was great, and the characters, and I could hardly wait to dicover the 'secret'.

I've been studying writing women's magazine stories recently, and wondered whether you might try this with the Woman's Weekly group, as it's about the right length, they like old soldiers and it has an upbeat endings. The final remark is great.

On the other hand it could be regarded as a bit 'fruity' and I wonder if they's want tone down the religious doubts. Still, what have you to lose?

Oh, I think Heaven have a capital letter.

Sheila

<Added>

Sorry about the typos. Should be: 'upbeat ending';'I wonder if they's want to tone down the religious doubts'; 'I think Heaven has a capital letter.'



Shani at 09:24 on 28 April 2008  Report this post
Hi, this was great - both fun and compelling to read - I really felt that every sentence was relevant to the story. The ending wasnt a surprise but what I did really like was that you achieved the emotion without any ickiness (sorry I know that's not very literary!)
Shani

Joel at 12:28 on 29 April 2008  Report this post
Shelia and Shani,

Thanks very much for your comments. I was scared that this might be too icky. So good to hear its bearable. It's not my usual style but written for a comp.

Your thoughts and comments are very much appreciated.

Cheers,

Joel

Cornelia at 13:02 on 29 April 2008  Report this post
Joel, the only thing I wanted to add was that the title could be improved, as it sounds too gloomy, particularly for a woman's magazine but don't worry if you've sent it - they'll probably suggest the change themselves.

Good luck with the competition.

Sheila

apcharman at 13:25 on 09 May 2008  Report this post
Hi Joel,
What a great piece of writing. I loved the specifics and details of this. He's not sitting in 'a chair' he's sitting in 'his favourite' chair. And not just in 'a garden', but the garden of Summer Hill.
And when he was cheered he was walking down "Adstone High Street".
I also loved the mistake and his recollection that it would "never be her again". It's very well communicated grief.
"A raspberry pip in the teeth" was fantastic (it's precisely why I hate raspberries).
And I (perhaps naively) didn't expect the ending which I thought was really well done.
The only area you might pay some attention to is the middle section when Freddy is addressing both Edith and Lizzie. He explains himself a couple of times and although strictly speaking it isn't repetitive, it sort of seems it, and I wasn't always completely clear about who he was addressing.
On the whole, it certainly isn't too icky, precisely, I think, because it is so specific. And it is very, very well characterised. Fred's mild acceptance of death is almost attractively peaceful and you don't realise how wrong this is until Edith gives him an alternative.
A really enjoyable read. Good luck with the comp.
Andy


Joel at 16:19 on 09 May 2008  Report this post
Andy, thanks a lot for your comments. Useful as ever. Glad you liked it. It's not the sort of thing I normally write, but it's for a very specific audience.

As an aside, apologies for being so inactive here. I've been really under the cosh all my free time has been spent editing rather than creating new stuff.

Hopefully should be able to be a more proactive group member soon.

Thanks again,

Joel


oh and have you sent world's end anywhere yet? Lots of good comps coming up at the end of this month

Katerina at 08:39 on 14 May 2008  Report this post
Hi Joel,

I write a lot of stories about elderly people, so could relate to this tale,and I liked it a lot. His feelings about his wife are great, and exactly how people do feel about lost loved ones - I used to work in the funeral business so know all about grief and death - but you conveyed it well, without being too - yes 'icky' is a good word.

I liked the simplicity of the 'secret', as I thought she knew the answer to eternal life or something, but being kissed by a lady at his age, would certainly put a spring into his step and make life more interesting.

Well done, a nice gentle well written story.



Nik Perring at 19:53 on 15 May 2008  Report this post
Really liked this, Joel. Great writing. Absolutely agree that the title could do with a change but that's my only critisism.

Nik

Katerina at 08:33 on 16 May 2008  Report this post
OOh yes, don't like the title at all.

How about something like 'Not Fade Away'?

Joel at 08:41 on 16 May 2008  Report this post
Katerina and Nik,

Thanks for your comments. Glad you liked it. You'll be pleased to know that before I sent it off I changed the title to "Living for the second", sounds a bit Bond, but I think it's a bit more fitting with the tone of the story.

Originally, I was going to make this less sunny, and have the title as a question but I think Fred deserved better!

Thanks again for taking the time to read.

Have a cool weekend.


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