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Home truths - Flash Poetry
Posted: 24 April 2008
Word Count: 70
Summary: My response
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Alchemy reversed,
the more-precious-than-gold
landscape fades as
evening dons her
best black to venture
out. On the town
the neon whispers
crudeness to the
streets, while the
shadows of her garden
smirk. Secrets hidden
under rhododendrons
lie festering until
night lays bare
the truth. He
creeps through the foliage,
checking over his shoulder
until, confident, he
takes the hidden key.
Her husband. Carefully
he turns the lock
to his domain.
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Comments by other Members
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 Nella at 08:49 on 25 April 2008
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This beautiful, Joanie! With wonderful images:
the more-precious-than-gold
landscape |
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Secrets hidden
under rhododendrons
lie festering |
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the neon whispers
crudeness to the
streets |
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The rhythym is good and I like the way you carry the sentences over into the next stanza, connecting them, as it were.
I've read it over and over, and it sounds nicer each time.
Best,
Robin
<Added>
ooops! This IS beautiful....
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 V`yonne at 14:44 on 25 April 2008
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What is the man up to in that shed, Joanie?
I also liked the flow of this - seemless and beautiful
evening dons her
best black to venture
out. On the town
the neon whispers
crudeness to the
streets, |
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like being led down the garden path 
I loved the image of evening turning gold to lead - excellent notion. A good take on the challenge.
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 joanie at 22:14 on 25 April 2008
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Nella and Oonah... thanks very much for reading. Glad you liked it.
joanie
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MarlaD at 15:18 on 27 April 2008
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Fantastic response to the challenge Joanie! Love the twist x
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 Elsie at 20:13 on 27 April 2008
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Hi Joanie - sorry to be so late - usual excuses...You know, I read this before, and thought it was lovely, but I got the wrong end of the stick - thinking the husband was sneaking back into the garden by unlocking a garden door. Doh. Now I see! There's a nice link with what he's up to in the shed - alchemy perhaps - the alchemy of potting plants?
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joanie at 20:41 on 27 April 2008
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Elsie, thank you. That is VERY interesting, in fact. My thoughts as I wrote were of the husband coming back home to his house, when he wasn't welcome, for whatever reason... getting the key, creeping in .. not daring to declare his presence.... When Oonah mentioned the shed, I sort of gave in and accepted her interpretation. You were right, Elsie!!
Joan
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 Inspiration at 21:41 on 28 April 2008
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Hey, Joanie,
Congratulations. This does have a brilliant twist. I like the style of this, the way you have the last word in the sentence dropped down in the next stanza.
Vivid imagery, great stuff!
XXInniXX
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Comments by other Members
