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Health Warning

by tusker 

Posted: 21 April 2008
Word Count: 481
Summary: Flash 2 challenge. Previously, a short story. Hope the word count isn't over.


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Amanda watches customers entering Nita's cafe, propping up dripping umbrellas against chair legs. A fretful mother comes in with her two fractious children, looking around for a spare table but the place is quite crowded.

The mother's gaze meets Amanda's but Amanda looks down at her cake; a celebration cake she's selected as a birthday treat. Cream oozes out from its sides. White icing covers the uneaten confectionary. A cherry, on top of the cake, seems to wink a cheeky wink as if mocking her resistance. Smiling, she does resist having bought it only for the purpose of repelling temptation.

Sipping tap water, she considers ridiculously overpriced, she notices both mother and children are now seated at a table where a stout man tucks into a hearty fry up. Amanda shudders, knowing that the man's gluttony will be rewarded later on with, at best, indigestion, or at worst, clogged arteries.

Over the past year, her weight has plummeted while her reading of every healthy living publication has increased tenfold. At home, in her spare bedroom, there are stacks of magazines, all chronologically listed, placed in orderly piles against one wall.

At night, Larry, her husband, enjoys his usual gin and tonic with a slice of lemon drifting above heart shaped ice cubes. Last night, as on previous nights, he's dined out alone and, thankful that he doesn't reprimand her for not cooking these past twelve months, she smiles when he raises an eyebrow at her in a silent question, 'Have you eaten?'

Always, nodding in reply, Amanda looks towards her fridge crammed full with fresh fruit and vegetables.

To date, her mission to cleanse both his body and mind, has fallen on deaf ears. She's lectured Larry about the dangers of alcohol, fat, meat and all other foods she's read about but, he laughs at her warning saying he'd rather die than be bored.

Now watching the frazzledd mother spoon two spoons of sugar into her black coffee, Amanda wants to remonstrate upon the hazzards of caffeine. Beside her, the children slurp fizzy drinks and she longs to inform the family upon the dangers of additivies.

Looking away, she catches a middle aged woman taking a multivitamin tablet from a bottle and popping it into her mouth. Despairing, Amanda yearns to tell the woman that experts now claim multivitamins do more harm than good.

Amanda glances at her watch. It's twelve thirty. Time to meet Larry for her birthday lunch at the sushi bar. Getting up, feeling giddy, she holds onto the table top, steadying herself before leaving the cafe.

Once outside, she notes that the Green Man is flashing, GO. Rushing to cross the road, Amanda collides with a ninety year old man in his electric wheel chair.

Suddenly, the street is filled with the sound of screeching brakes as she's sent sprawling under the wheels of a passing ambulance.






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Comments by other Members



novodantis at 16:52 on 21 April 2008  Report this post
I do love a bit of irony! Really enjoyable and good pacing. The main character reminds me of my father somewhat, hehe

Sipping tap water, she considers ridiculously overpriced,


I think that line might work better without the first comma? It confused me for a second at first.

~Alexander

V`yonne at 16:56 on 21 April 2008  Report this post
I like anything that point out the dangers of dieting

<Added>

can they charge you for tap water? I thought they had to give that away...

Nella at 17:43 on 21 April 2008  Report this post
Good read, Jennifer! Great irony.
Reminds me of my sister, who told me I shouldn't be so afraid to do things, because a meteorite might fall out of the sky at any moment and kill me anyway....
Robin

<Added>

Aside from the superfluous comma which Alxeander already noted, my only little question is: how did she know the old man is 90? It seems like the story is from her POV, so that jarred a little.

Prospero at 17:44 on 21 April 2008  Report this post
Nice one, Jennifer, there is such a thing as too much of a good thing and this seems to be it. Balancce and moderation. That is the way to go.

Thanks for a good read. I really enjoyed it.

Best

Prosp

tusker at 18:08 on 21 April 2008  Report this post
Thanks Robin and Alexander for pointing out the comma. My daughter was charged for tap water in a Cardiff restaurant. She was so thirsty, she bought it and moaned after.
As far as knowing about old man's age, I really wrote this with tongue in cheek so to speak.
Thanks Oonah, thought the subject might appeal.
Thanks Prosp. Glad you enjoyed. Hope it put a smile on your lips after bombing out on the old computer. Me, I'm having trouble with the gas board today. Maybe a flash might come out of it. At the moment, it's arrgh!

Jennifer

V`yonne at 22:08 on 21 April 2008  Report this post
Should've gone to Swansea see. boyo...

tusker at 14:16 on 22 April 2008  Report this post
You know I never turn right after Llanddewi Nant Hodni, cariad.

Jennifer



Forbes at 10:19 on 24 April 2008  Report this post
Nice slice of a life Jennifer. One small pick
frazzledd
?

Cheers

Avis


tusker at 14:28 on 24 April 2008  Report this post
Oops, frazzled. Sorry, it's a family word for knackered, irritable.

Thanks Avis for pointing it out.

rebecca at 20:34 on 25 April 2008  Report this post
I knew she was going to die or be seriously injured!! Knew it. Or thought possibly she was 'buttering' her husband up to some horrible death

As usual, you don't disappoint Jennifer. Amusing and easy to read.

Rebecca
xx

tusker at 07:04 on 26 April 2008  Report this post
Thanks Rebecca.


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