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Apple
Posted: 11 April 2008
Word Count: 83
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Like this apple
I am not new or old
to this world.
Like this apple
I hit the earth with a bump,
I am hard and round, a bit red
not perfect at all.
Like this apple
with life I was met,
and in life I am treat
differently by so many.
Like this apple
I have a purpose in this life
many things I cannot control,
so many scary things,
I know my role.
Like this apple
I will be used soon.
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 James Graham at 19:28 on 16 April 2008
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Hi Stephen - Sorry to have taken so long to comment. Good to have a new poem from you. It’s a bold idea, to use the apple as an extended simile (or analogy perhaps) and I think it could work better than it does in this draft. The first two stanzas are good. In the third, I’d suggest you think of a more memorable way to say ‘Like this apple I find that attitudes to me vary a lot; some people admire me, some couldn’t care less, some even want to crush me’. (Double meaning - crush an apple to make cider, perhaps; crush a person with unkindness). It’s a matter of finding words that can apply to apples and humans, maybe in different senses.
In the fourth stanza I find myself thinking this isn’t like an apple at all. Like this apple I’m afraid of scary things? I think that here you have to say I’m like the apple BUT different, e.g.
Like this apple
I have a purpose in life
but my knowledge
is only a little greater |
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- something like that, or
Like this apple
I have a purpose in life
but I am not so lucky
because I know too much |
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The idea already works quite well because, although comparing oneself with an apple may be imaginatively a little surprising, you carry it off by adopting a playful, self-mocking tone (not unlike some of your other work, as I recall). Well worth working on.
James.
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 hailfabio at 14:58 on 18 April 2008
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Thanks James
This was perhaps a bit forced, but like you say, an idea worth working on.
Cheers
Stephen
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