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by hailfabio 

Posted: 11 April 2008
Word Count: 83

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Like this apple
I am not new or old
to this world.

Like this apple
I hit the earth with a bump,
I am hard and round, a bit red
not perfect at all.

Like this apple
with life I was met,
and in life I am treat
differently by so many.

Like this apple
I have a purpose in this life
many things I cannot control,
so many scary things,
I know my role.

Like this apple
I will be used soon.

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Comments by other Members

James Graham at 19:28 on 16 April 2008  Report this post
Hi Stephen - Sorry to have taken so long to comment. Good to have a new poem from you. Itís a bold idea, to use the apple as an extended simile (or analogy perhaps) and I think it could work better than it does in this draft. The first two stanzas are good. In the third, Iíd suggest you think of a more memorable way to say ĎLike this apple I find that attitudes to me vary a lot; some people admire me, some couldnít care less, some even want to crush meí. (Double meaning - crush an apple to make cider, perhaps; crush a person with unkindness). Itís a matter of finding words that can apply to apples and humans, maybe in different senses.

In the fourth stanza I find myself thinking this isnít like an apple at all. Like this apple Iím afraid of scary things? I think that here you have to say Iím like the apple BUT different, e.g.

Like this apple
I have a purpose in life
but my knowledge
is only a little greater

- something like that, or

Like this apple
I have a purpose in life
but I am not so lucky
because I know too much

The idea already works quite well because, although comparing oneself with an apple may be imaginatively a little surprising, you carry it off by adopting a playful, self-mocking tone (not unlike some of your other work, as I recall). Well worth working on.


hailfabio at 14:58 on 18 April 2008  Report this post
Thanks James

This was perhaps a bit forced, but like you say, an idea worth working on.


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