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The Claimant

by Cholero 

Posted: 28 March 2008
Word Count: 150
Summary: Petrified challenge.

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Content Warning
This piece and/or subsequent comments may contain strong language.

In came another claimant. Not walking but waddling. Synthetic fabrics, soft shoes, pony-tail, cigarette, eyes wary. Tamsin pulled a fresh form from the shelf and laid it on her desk.
‘I've come about that ad,’ said the claimant, leaning into the microphone. She looked confident.
‘No smoking in here,’ said Tamsin.
The claimant took a lengthy drag and dropped her cigarette.
‘I got that thing,’ she said.
‘I’m sorry?’
‘That fuckin ad that says if you don’t do nothing all day and just watch TV and eat and claim benefits. I got that.’
‘Oh, you qualify then,’ said Tamsin. She smiled brightly and pushed the form under her glass partition. ‘Fill this out and wait over there.’
‘Got a pen?’
In the ceiling above where the claimant sat penning a description of her day's routine a panel slid open. Soon afterwards, a two-hundred-and-fifty-ton block of granite fell from it.

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Comments by other Members

Forbes at 10:00 on 28 March 2008  Report this post
LOL! So unexpected! It'll keep me laughing all day that!!

Wonderful wish fulfilment there, boy!



Cholero at 10:03 on 28 March 2008  Report this post

Thanks, girl!


MarlaD at 10:30 on 28 March 2008  Report this post
Up again then! Brilliantly funny..if the government spot this and pass it, I'll have hardly any neighbours x

V`yonne at 11:10 on 28 March 2008  Report this post
Now let me see...what is it I do for a living??? SPLAT.

tiger_bright at 13:18 on 28 March 2008  Report this post
Hi Pete, you wicked thing! This grabbed me from the off, it was like Vicky Pollard had waddled into FF1. Great descriptions throughout, and I loved Tamsin's cheeriness which created the perfect blind for the denouement. Ouch!


tusker at 14:17 on 28 March 2008  Report this post
Loved it. Very funny.


Dreamer at 14:37 on 28 March 2008  Report this post
Like it!

I always figured we should give 'em a one way ticket via parachute to somewhere like Iraq or Afghanistan, possibly Dubai (but I hear they've been know to come back from there). This works too though. No coming back from this. A little messy though.

Great laugh.



Cholero at 16:04 on 28 March 2008  Report this post
Gail, Oonah, Tiger, Jennifer

Thanks for reading and commenting so kindly. Much appreciated.


Cholero at 16:04 on 28 March 2008  Report this post

Don't hold back now!

Glad you enjoyed.


Jordan789 at 00:03 on 29 March 2008  Report this post
Hah-Hah. Good one. =)

Jumbo at 00:51 on 29 March 2008  Report this post

Brilliant! You should send this to that Brown chap! I'm sure he'd make use of it. He'd have you in one of those think-tank things. Only trouble is, you can think - and they apparently can't!!

Very, very funny. Great build up - and I loved Tamsin - ‘No smoking in here,’- the quiet and efficient Civil Service assassin! We need more of this type of person.



choille at 13:09 on 29 March 2008  Report this post
Hi Pete - great idea!

Still think aperture is too small an image though.

Prefer 'waddle' makes it more show.

All the best

tractor at 13:20 on 29 March 2008  Report this post
Hi Pete,

a messy solution to a social problem but no denying it would be effective. Made me laugh.



Cholero at 23:10 on 29 March 2008  Report this post
Jordan, John, Mark,

Thanks very much.


Cholero at 23:11 on 29 March 2008  Report this post

Ye-es. What would be a better word?


choille at 23:48 on 29 March 2008  Report this post

Cholero at 23:51 on 29 March 2008  Report this post

crowspark at 13:01 on 01 April 2008  Report this post
Hi Pete


A nifty piece of magic realism, or wish fulfilment perhaps.

Very effective, but not in a pc way. Or maybe it is pc now. I have lost touch.



Cholero at 13:56 on 01 April 2008  Report this post

Not PC at all.

Thanks for reading and commenting!


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