Eruption
Posted: 26 March 2008 Word Count: 158 Summary: Week 195 challenge
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Tending his prized Hibiscus, Decimus heard a sound but before that sound, hundreds of birds, in a squawking cloud, rose up into a clear blue sky. Dogs frantically barked, cats screeched as if in terror and goats, grazing on gentle slopes, fled bleating in all directions.
The sound grew thunderous and, looking up to the mountain's peak, he saw in horror, The Goddess of Fire spewing out her anger, darkening the sky, billowing poisonous black gases into the atmosphere.
But to add to his horror, he could see boiling larva rolling, like a ghastly tide, down the steep incline in his direction.
Then as the burning mass ate into the lower slopes, covering their beauty with grey and flaming debris, Decimus, with a last terrified glance at the fast destructive flow, ran from his verdant garden and as he ran down towards the town of Etna, the larva caught up with him, pertifying his body for all eternity.
Comments by other Members
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Forbes at 15:19 on 26 March 2008
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Lovely Stuff Jennifer!
Liked the lull before the storm! Thought it was Versuvius, and it was Etna. Poor Decimus - bit of an old stick in the mud, was he?
Sorry!
Avis
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tusker at 15:33 on 26 March 2008
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Think he forgot to warn his wife still cooking spag bol in the villa.
Jennifer
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V`yonne at 16:10 on 26 March 2008
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I tnink you're getting larva confused with lava, Jennifer. Welsh mistake, that... Too much sea weed and cockles Petrify anybody, that
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tusker at 16:25 on 26 March 2008
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Damn. And I think I've got my mountains mixed up too. Perhaps it should've been Margam Mountain.
Jennifer
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Dreamer at 23:09 on 27 March 2008
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For some reason I knew where this was going as soon as I read the name Decimus and the goats grazing on gentle slopes.
I think it was mainly ash that was spewed.
There is a great book called 'Pompei' that you might enjoy. If you are interested I could look into who the author was.
Best,
Brian.
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tiger_bright at 13:12 on 28 March 2008
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Hi Jennifer, you really painted a terrific picture of the eruption here. I could smell it and see it and hear it, too, although I stumbled a bit over the sound which you put off describing in the opening paragraph and then in the second para it's already changing, which created the effect (for me, anyway) of a missed beat somewhere. That's a tiny nit, because the terrific spread of the lava sweeps the story along superbly. I loved the opening words about the hibiscus, a great place to start.
Tiger
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Jumbo at 00:38 on 29 March 2008
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Brian, wasn't it Robert Harris? His writing to me always seems a bit formulaic, almost the same characters going through the same dilemmas - but in a different time and place. Just my opinion, of course.
Jennifer
Great story, loved the build up - and the terror of that last paragraph.
A tiny pic: I'd put a full-stop after 'verdant garden' in that last sentence and lose the 'and'. As before, just my opinion -discard as you wish!
Great flash - and clever use of the prompt.
All the best
john
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Dreamer at 02:28 on 29 March 2008
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I'm impressed John!
Yes, Robert Harris. I've only read Pompeii of his so had not noticed that. I did love the details of Roman society and engineering though.
Jennifer, if you are interested in Pompeii I would recommend it. Course I listened to it as an audio book.
Best,
Brian.
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Jordan789 at 04:54 on 29 March 2008
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Hey Tusker,
Lovely image to capture in a vignette. Reminds me of Pompei and those frozen in carbon, or whatever, bodies they have, mid-fleeing-stride. A grotesque image!
The opening is so odd how it flashes back an instant, going "but before that sound," and it felt slightly awkward but also endearing and cutesy.
What a poor prized hibiscus'.
-Jordan
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tusker at 07:57 on 29 March 2008
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Thanks all for your comments. Have read Robert Harris. At the moment as going through a C J Sanson stage but will always read Ianin Banks in whatever genre he chooses to write.
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choille at 13:01 on 29 March 2008
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Hi Jennifer,
All the energy is played out well in such few words.
The animals knowing is really good I thought.
And then the freezing for all eternity wraps it up well.
All the best
Caroline.
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tractor at 13:10 on 29 March 2008
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Hi Jennifer,
liked the way your writing itself has a feeling of flow, of everything being swept away by a natural force.
Cheers
Mark
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optimist at 20:56 on 29 March 2008
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Very effective!
Poor Decimus.
One small pick - you could lose 'in horror' before the goddess - maybe - as you have 'to add to his horror'?
I think 'he saw the goddess' might work well - but just a thought - ignore if unhelpful!
I think you capture that moment so well - when everything is changed.
Sarah
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Cholero at 21:09 on 29 March 2008
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Jennifer
Nice capture of a moment in history, personalised by the man in his verdant garden.
Best
Pete
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tusker at 06:56 on 30 March 2008
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Thanks Sarah and Pete. These challenges put me in such a dither.
Jennifer
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tusker at 14:29 on 31 March 2008
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Thanks Bill. Don't know what I'll write for next challenge. I'm flummoxed.
Jennifer
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