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Solo for the Undecided

by Jumbo 

Posted: 20 March 2008
Word Count: 297
Summary: Mine for the Constant Craving challenge - with apologies to k d lang.


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Even through the darkest phase,
Be it thick or thin
Always someone marches brave
Here beneath my skin


I have always been a coward: that has been the pattern of my life, painted first in the alleyways of forgotten suburbia; then on ice-dressed playing fields of sadistic schools and finally scrawled in screaming desecration across walls of dungeon cubicles: conveniences beneath the slurry of forgotten streets.

Whilst you, my brave heart, always rode the gathering storm. You, the creative one, the one so full of dreams; the one who had your life planned in all of its most intricate detail.

Of course, I could always sense you inside of me, crawling beneath my skin: forever trapped, forever advancing but never allowed to see daylight, never to find your way out to your true potential.

Never to take the time to consider what was different; what was the same.

Maybe a great magnet pulls
All souls towards truth
Or maybe it is life itself
That feeds wisdom
To its youth


Is it too late to tell me why you have punished me all these years? Was it so much easier than treating me as an equal?

Because now your lies have become the truth; light has become dark; and soon the living will learn the beauty of that final sleep.

The truth is that we could both have led a more satisfying life: there would have been room in this masochistic world. But instead you handed me the part of the anti-hero.

Was it those trivial arguments and dogmatic ideologies of the dark streets that decided our roles in this one-act saga? Because I realise now that I could have been you: that is what Iíve always wanted.

And all I had to do was believe.

Constant craving






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Comments by other Members



MarlaD at 19:27 on 20 March 2008  Report this post
Ooo..you made me tingle..how deeply tragic..and it made me feel hungry?! x

tusker at 19:36 on 20 March 2008  Report this post
Deep, deep, deep. Wonderful.

Jennifer

rebecca at 21:23 on 20 March 2008  Report this post
Sad and moving, really amazing piece of writing.

Rebecca
x

ireneintheworld at 02:39 on 21 March 2008  Report this post
wonderful piece of work but deeper than texas. i've read it twice and still can't grasp it. sorry for being so dumb. beautifully written though.

irene

V`yonne at 17:18 on 21 March 2008  Report this post
This the id and the ego, John? The repression that comes from a lack of self belief?
And all I had to do was believe.
?
The inner struggle where reticence wins and opportunity is lost?
There would have been room for two in this masochistic world. But instead you handed me the part of the anti-hero.


This bit is amazing writing.
then on ice-dressed playing fields of sadistic schools and finally scrawled in screaming desecration across walls of dungeon cubicles: conveniences beneath the slurry of forgotten streets.
It smacks of dirty graffitti and shame.

Or am I talking bollocks?

<Added>

PS Love k d

Forbes at 22:10 on 21 March 2008  Report this post
Loved this piece John - and I agree with Oonah on what you're talking 'bout. Are we right? Well either that or an "internal" twin.

one small pick (tell me to sod off)

You know that we could have made it - both of us.


I found this stuck out from the rest of your teriffic words. It seemed - trite in execution. Tell me to bugger off! I appreciate what you are saying, but thought you could have put it better. It sounded like a 70s love song. Now that's what you maybe wanted - but the rest of the stuff was so marvellous, I just mentioned it.

LOvely lovely stuff

TFR

Avis

Jumbo at 11:47 on 22 March 2008  Report this post
Thanks, Maria.

I hope that by now you've found something to eat

Jumbo at 11:47 on 22 March 2008  Report this post
Thanks for reading, Jennifer.

Jumbo at 11:48 on 22 March 2008  Report this post
Rebecca

Hi. Good to hear from you. Glad you liked it.

john

Jumbo at 11:51 on 22 March 2008  Report this post
irene

Thanks for reading, sorry this didn't quite exlain itself!

Cheers

john

Jumbo at 11:54 on 22 March 2008  Report this post
Oonah,

No - no b*ll***s! Although I had in mind more of a schizophrenic, dual-personality - the MC talking to the more repressed, inner 'brave' one of the pair.

This bit is amazing writing.

... that really made my day. THANX!

All the best

john



Jumbo at 11:57 on 22 March 2008  Report this post
Avis

Thanks for your so positive comments - you're too kind!

And you're right about that line - I'll have another look at it. So thanks for that as well.

All the best

john

Forbes at 20:18 on 22 March 2008  Report this post
John


Clearer and so sad.

TFR

Avis

Jumbo at 20:32 on 22 March 2008  Report this post
Thanks, Avis

choille at 00:43 on 23 March 2008  Report this post
Hi John,

Really liked the descriptions - the sadistic schools - the dungeon cubicles beneath streets. very dark - thought repressed homosexuality at one bit - the toilet bit. After watching Steptoe & Son drama last night I think repressed homosexual - did you see it? Wilfred Bramble?

Smacks of repression and a low self esteem outer & a stronger, feistier inner - a battle between good and evil. Two sides of the same coin.

Very deft with the interspertion of the song I thought.

Very unusual & intriquing with brilliant bits - the toilets beneath the street - sort of sums up the shame the person feels about their alter ego - perchance?

All the best
Caroline.





Prospero at 12:54 on 23 March 2008  Report this post
Marvellous, Jumbs, you go from strength to strength.

I have just read 'The Intruders' by Michael Marshall, which deals with this idea. A recommended read if you haven't read it already.

Best

Prosp

Jumbo at 17:29 on 23 March 2008  Report this post
Prosp

Hi - good to hear from you, my friend.

Thanks for your feedback - that means a lot!

I'll put Marshall's book on the list of things I must read. Thanks for that.

All the best

john

crowspark at 19:05 on 23 March 2008  Report this post
Terrific writing, John.

I have always been a coward: that has been the pattern of my life, painted first in the alleyways of forgotten suburbia; then on ice-dressed playing fields of sadistic schools and finally scrawled in screaming desecration across walls of dungeon cubicles: conveniences beneath the slurry of forgotten streets.



A powerful inner dialogue leading to who knows what dark deeds:

Because now your lies have become the truth; light has become dark; and soon the living will learn the beauty of that final sleep.


I thought the quotes very effective.

Made me want to rush out and read some Lang.

Thanks for the read.

Bill



Jumbo at 19:37 on 23 March 2008  Report this post
Thanks, Bill.

Really pleased you enjoyed this.

I wondered if my choice of 'voice' was going too prove to be a little too heavy, but it seems to have hit the mark for most people.

Thanks for reading and for the positive feedback. It us, as always. much appreciated,

Cheers

john


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