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Influence

by Rai15 

Posted: 14 October 2003
Word Count: 157
Summary: It's supposed to be in central alignment... but I don't think I can do that on here. It was in central because it gave the poem a more interesting shape and layout. Oh well, it's the content that counts...
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You can’t forget her for her solitude
You can’t forget her for her vulnerability
You can’t forget her for the tears she cries for you
You don’t want to forget she changed you
The fact she is the one who made you

Can’t you see her anymore?
Can’t you see her tear-filled smile?
Can’t you see she gave her life to you?
You don’t want to lose the beauty
The only thing she was

You remember how she saved those lives
You remember how she has always made you feel
You remember how she taught you about the stars and souls
You don’t want to abandon her to her mind’s cruelty
The way she slowly drives herself insane

You won’t let her die alone
You won’t let her kill herself bit by bit
You won’t let her go on believing her inner voice
You don’t want to keep the truth inside
The truth she is a wonder






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Comments by other Members



The Walrus at 15:26 on 14 October 2003  Report this post
An influence indeed Rai... and clearly a very powerful one...

Sign of a good poem... left me wondering... wanting to know more about the subject, ie 'her'.

Wouldn't worry about the central alignment. As you say content over structure. Teeny weeny point: 4th line, 2nd stanza 'lose' or 'loose'?

Whatever, it is achingly beautiful.

The Walrus
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Fearless at 16:28 on 14 October 2003  Report this post
Rai

It's beautiful, and reading it each time kills a little bit of me.

Fearless
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Rai15 at 19:25 on 14 October 2003  Report this post
Indeed it was meant to be lose and I have now corrected it... I'm not too good on noticing these things, I do very often put completely wrong and random words or letters in the middle of sentances. Oops.

Thanks you both for your comments, this piece just got through to the finals of a writing competition... *fingers crossed*.

Thanks again.

~Rai~
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Fearless at 19:46 on 14 October 2003  Report this post
Rai

Fingers crossed here too. Whatever happens, take it from me, and many others here, you write exceptionally well. You have a gift of expression.

Fearless
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Rai15 at 19:52 on 14 October 2003  Report this post
Fearless,

Thank you. I only seem to be able to express myself through writing as I close to depise talking about things (to do with myself anyway). Poetry seems to have given me a way to accept myself as I am, and not think I need to change because of peer pressure.

That was off the point wasn't it? Never mind. Thanks again (again).

~Rai~
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Fearless at 20:18 on 14 October 2003  Report this post
Rai

I was perusing 'Letters to a young poet' by Rainer Maria Rilke, and stumbled, in my clumsy way, across this:

'Works of art are of an infinite loneliness and with nothing so little to be reached as with criticism. Only love can grasp and hold and be just toward them. Consider yourself and your feeling right everytime with regard to every such argumentation, discussion or introduction; if you are wrong after all, the natural growth of your inner life will lead you slowly and with time to other insights. Leave to your opinions their own quiet undisturbed development, which, like all progress, must come from deep within and cannot be pressed or hurried by anything. Everything is gestation and then bringing forth. To let each impression and each germ of a feeling come to completion wholly in itself, in the dark, in the inexpressible, the unconscious, beyond the reach of one's own intelligence, and await with deep humility and patience the birth-hour of a new clarity: that alone is living the artist's life: in understanding as in creating'

Fearless
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roovacrag at 21:35 on 14 October 2003  Report this post
Beautiful. I can feel the pain and the suffering, unable to let go.
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Ellenna at 17:52 on 25 October 2003  Report this post
A wonderfully poignant feel about this.. best of luck too
its a strong poem..:)

Ellie..
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