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Tiquila

by tusker 

Posted: 26 January 2008
Word Count: 340
Summary: Week 186 challenge


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The train carriage buzzes with chatter but to Sian it sounds like a distant hum. In her mind, she's going over recent events which have changed her life for ever.

Two nights ago, when he came home, he held her tight. Apologised for being late once more. Then he drank two shots of his favourite tipple, Tequila, while Sian dished out their chicken casserole.

Over dinner, she listened to David talking about his day at the surgery and his moans about having yet another emergency call, just as he was about to leave for home.

Then, as they cleared away the dishes, she remarked, 'I found a rhododendron blossom in your jeans pocket.' He smiled saying he didn't know how it had got there. But Sian knew.

Today, at five o'clock, on leaving the hospital where she worked, she drove out to nearby Norwood Country Park and spotting David's empty car, she parked alongside it, noting that the 'Doctor On Call,' sign had been removed.

Then she followed the route they'd often strolled until she came upon a slight incline covered in rhododendron bushes. Quietly, she made her way up until on reaching the top, Sian peered through a mesh of thick foliage and colourful blossoms and saw their naked bodies.

Now she remembers his pale, frightened face and the woman's mouth agape in terror. She also remembers the sound of her own anguished howl which seemed to last for ever and ever.

'The lady's bleeding,' a child's voice breaks into those recent memories. Looking up she meets the gaze of a child. Glancing down, Sian can see a dark spread of dried blood on her uniform and drawing her coat around her, smiles at the child.

The child's head disappears behind the seat in front of her and placing a protective hand on her bag, Sian finds solace with the thought that David's heart, wrapped in foil, will always remain with her. And the insiduous worm, released from its bottle, now nestles under the tongue of his dead lover.






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Comments by other Members



tractor at 12:06 on 26 January 2008  Report this post
Hi Jennifer,

I liked this gory tale of revenge, murder and the eternal triangle. The foil packed heart and the tequila worm under the tongue were great details.

Cheers

Mark

tusker at 14:52 on 26 January 2008  Report this post
Glad you liked it Mark. Realised after I posted it that some, those who don't partake in the odd glass or two, wouldn't get the connection. There again, all are writers and probably enjoy a tot.

Jennifer

sarah3891 at 16:10 on 26 January 2008  Report this post
Hi Jennifer - I loved this.

I have to confess I didn't get the tequila-worm bit until I read Mark's post, but for me it didn't matter - fantastically sinister, and I liked the rhodedendron blossoms in particular...great stuff!

Sarah

tusker at 16:30 on 26 January 2008  Report this post
Thanks Sarah for your kind comments.

Jennifer

titania177 at 16:40 on 26 January 2008  Report this post
Ooh, a great and gory tale! I didn't get the worm bit either but no worries, it was a very enjoyable read. I think you could actually cut the first two lines and start with "Two nights ago...", which would throw us straight into the action. You could bring in later on that she is on the train thinking back, if you want to.

Tania

Forbes at 19:12 on 26 January 2008  Report this post
Ha hah! THAT'LL learn the bas*%@d! loved this dark tale.

A tiny pick why did she drive to the park and come back on the train? Did I miss something (probably!!)

TFR

Avis

<Added>

Oh I seee! I read others' comments and....

optimist at 19:39 on 26 January 2008  Report this post
Gruesome - but in a good way :)

I love the use of the tequila worm.

Tania is right - you could begin 'Two nights ago' - if you wanted to.

Sarah

V`yonne at 20:47 on 26 January 2008  Report this post
Loved the worm under the tongue :) nice touch, that. Got the worm bit because someone brought me a tequilla lolly back from America once and it had a worm in it... Pity I didn't think of that for the prompt but never mind - you did. Good one Jennifer.

Oonah

MarlaD at 21:13 on 26 January 2008  Report this post
That was so cold...brilliant! x

crowspark at 22:15 on 26 January 2008  Report this post
Nice use of flashback. And what a great link back to the present:
She also remembers the sound of her own anguished howl which seemed to last for ever and ever.

'The lady's bleeding,' a child's voice breaks into those recent memories. Looking up she meets the gaze of a child. Glancing down, Sian can see a dark spread of dried blood on her uniform and drawing her coat around her, smiles at the child.

I got the worm!
Brilliant ending.
Thanks for the read.

Bill

tusker at 06:36 on 27 January 2008  Report this post
Thanks all for your encouraging comments. Will erase first line as advised. I'm in my revenge mode at present. Must try to write a little sweetness and light. A lollipop Oonah?

Jennifer

tiger_bright at 15:37 on 27 January 2008  Report this post
Gothic, Jennifer! Loved it. Touch of the Edgar Allens, with the foil wrapped souvenir and the worm at the end. Wickedly good read.

Tiger

tusker at 16:06 on 27 January 2008  Report this post
Thanks Sarah.

Jennifer


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