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Been There. Done That

by tusker 

Posted: 30 December 2007
Word Count: 1572


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Content Warning
This piece and/or subsequent comments may contain strong language.


The Captain's Cabin looked the same. Bland decor. Dull brass. Lobster pots laced with spiders webs. There sat Ben, calloused hands caressing a pint of rough cider. Next to him, Ticker 'The Sprout' bent low over a Guinness. It was as if they and the other four men sitting around the scruffy, oblong table had remained in their seats, growing older, waiting for his reappearance.

'You're back!' Getting up from the bench, Weasel was the first to acknowledge Rees's arrival.

'Still shit scared of the dentist, I see.' Rees laughed as Weasel placed a defensive hand over his mouth.

'Staying long?' Weasle's dark button eyes took in his old friend's casual but expensive attire.

'Haven't made my mind up yet,' Rees told him, paying the barman for his double shot of whiskey.

'You've got an American accent.' Weasel lifted a pint glass to his lips depite the glass being empty.

'I reckon it's down to living there for twenty odd years.'

'My sister went to Disney Land with the kids, last year.'

'Not my scene.' Rees took a step back from the stench of stale sweat and, noticing an attractive young woman seated by a spitting gas fire, flashed a smile in her direction.

'You worked in New York,' he heard his old friend say.

'In finance,' Rees replied, turning his gaze back to Weasel.

'Got into a bit of bother, I hear.' Weasel clamped his small mouth shut at Rees's sudden belligerent expression. Glancing over his shoulder at his pals half-heartedly playing dominoes, he continued in a cautious tone, 'Your mother didn't last long after the old fella died. But your brother gave them both a good send off.'

On hearing unified grunts of dissapproval coming from his old mates, Rees retorted, 'The past is past.' And draining his drink, walked out of the pub into a cold November evening.

Doing up his camel coat, he strode across the road onto the promenade. A high tide crashed against the sea wall, spewing white foam onto handmade Italian shoes. But, unaware of the possible destruction of fine leather, Rees looked along the curve of a small bay at shadows of bungalows and lights emanating from each window.

He began to count. One. Two. Three. Number three was his old family home and he knew his brother, David, still lived there. Feeling a rare tug of remorse, gazing at the squat, square building, he wondered if his older brother had a wife. Children.

Glancing back at the pub, wishing he'd made some enquiries, Rees pulled a handkerchief out from his pocket and blew his nose. Then, laughing a shaky laugh, told himself not to be so bloody stupid.

'The town hasn't changed much, has it?' Unnoticed, the young woman he'd see earlier, appeared by his side.

Furious at having being caught off guard, he asked, 'Where in the hell did you spring from?'

'You've come far,' she said in response.

Three generations of his family, he'd often mused, had lived worked and died in Dunely, not one of them, apart from himself, had had the guts to leave. All fearing to cross over that invisible border into unknown territory.

'Far as in distance or achievement?' He lightened his tone but flippancy could not erase an odd sense of unease which had dogged him since he'd driven, four hours ago, into his home town.

'They say it's always been money with you.' Her gloved hands gripped the railing in front of them.

'Now listen.' Defensive anger rose up. 'I don't know you. You don't know me. Let's leave it like that, shall we?'

Taking out a packet of cigarettes and a gold lighter form his coat pocket, cold fingers scrabbled for a cigarette. Turning his back to the wind, shielding the flame with the lapel of his coat, he lit the cigarette, drawing on it deeply.

A near gale screamed around mock Victorian lamp posts, whistling through cables that seemed to exaggerate her presence. Rees wanted her to leave but said, 'I'm down from forty to twenty cigarettes a day,' hating, as he spoke, his need to break the silence between them.

'Are you the same person who left all those years ago?' she asked.

'Are you a psychiatrist?' He tried to laugh but the sound seemed hollow, scared even.

'Why did you come back?'

'I've family here.' He paused, saying under his breath, 'What's left of them.'

'I'm told you were a bit of a lad back in the old days,' she said.

'You're talking as if it was a century ago,' he replied as memories barged into his mind. 'We had some fun,' he admitted. 'Summer was our best time. Lots of girls staying in caravans. The fair. Pub.'

'After you left you did well for yourself.' She broke into those memories and his expression of nostalgia grew into a grin of satisfaction. 'Clambering up the ladder of success,' she continued. 'Stepping on fingers all the way.'

Nostalgic memories vanished. 'Piss off little lady.' Rees flicked his cigarette stub over the railings, wondering how rude he could get before she took the hint and left him in peace.

'Your nickname around here is Humpty Dumpty. The guy who climbed up to the heights of achievement only to come crashing down into obscurity.'

'Clear off. Take your fucking cliches with you.' But his angry suggestion didn't seem to offend or irritate her.

Looking up at him, she went on, 'It said in the papers you'd married a rich Connecticut heiress.' Rees remained silent. 'They said she stood by you after an American Grand Jury found you and your partner guilty of fraud and corruption,' she blithely went on. 'But because you sang like the proverbial canary, you received a lesser sentence.'

Rees told her, trying to keep calm, 'Newspapers tend to exaggerate.'

'Our local rag claimed you two-timed your loyal wife as soon as you were released. Ended up with an even richer woman,a widow.' A pause followed but he was unable to speak as her words, like single hammer blows, assualted his ears. Then she asked, 'Have you brought your second wife on this trip?'

He shook his head and, finding his voice, said, 'It's freezing out here. I'm heading back to my hotel.'

'Where are you staying,' she asked.

He pointed up the road. 'The Seaways. It's cosy apart from the fake pine.' Now, for some reason, he needed to justify his past actions. Wanted her to accompany him. Talk over a drink. Maybe, later on, once he'd melted that little heart of hers, take her up to his hotel bedroom.

'When my mother was a teenager, she worked in The Seaways,' she broke into his musing.

'Really.' He turned his gaze back to the churning sea.

'She loaned you twenty pounds before you ran off.' The young woman leaned forward, peering over the railings. 'Your poor mother's Christmas money went missing too. She claimed she'd mislaid it. But your Dad knew different.'

'Who in the hell are you?' Anger and guilt exploded inside his head. 'Some little sanctimonious bitch who's leader of the local Conscience Party?'

'Yell if it makes you fell better.' The calm tone in her voice and the way she tossed her head brought up another memory, the memory of Melanie Moorcroft and, studying the young woman standing beside him, he could see the likeness, the same delicate features.

'Emma!' Both turned at the shout and watched a figure heading towards them and as the man approached, Rees felt a stir of anxiety.

'This is Paul,' she said when the burly young man reached her side, placed a protective arm about her shoulders.

'Thought you were waiting for me in the pub' Paul kissed her cheek.

Looking at Rees, she said, 'Paul meet Rees Sebastian Newcomb.' And she she introduced him, Rees wondered how she knew his middle name. No one, not even family, had ever dared to utter it in his presence.

'Not David's brother?' The question sounded like an accusation.

'You know my brother?' Rees asked.

'He's the skipper of our lifeboat,' came the curt response. 'Emma's Dad.'

Rees felt as if he's been struck and Emma, watching him, said, 'Your sister-in-law, my mother, Melanie Moorcroft, married your brother six months after you left.'

Rees swallowed a couple of times, longing for a stiff drink. 'Small town,' he managed to comment. Then pulling himself together, asked, 'And how is my brother?'

'He's fine.' Rees sensed hostility in the young man's reply.

'I was thinking of calling in to see him,' Rees told them.

'I wouldn't bother if I were you,' the young man stated.

'Tomorrow,' Rees persisted.

'Tomorrow or any other day won't be convenient.' Paul took a step closer. 'My advice to you Mr. Rees Sebastian Newcomb, is to leave Dunely, tonight.'

Rees bunched his fists. No one told him what to do. No one dared to even in prison. Respect he'd earned. Respect he got.

Emma tugged at her boyfriend's sleeve. 'Time to make a move,' she said.

And Rees said,'Better listen to your little woman.'

Paul made a move towards Rees. Emma, grabbing hold of his hand, tried to drag him away. And for a long moment, both men faced one and other until Paul, with a shrug, walked off and watching the couple hurry along the promenade, Rees wiping away salt spray from his eyes, was surprised to find himself crying.






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Comments by other Members



Becca at 14:14 on 31 December 2007  Report this post
Hi Jennifer,
I hope you had a good Christmas. I liked this story - you've evoked loneliness and alienation really well, in the setting itself and in the conversation between Rees and his neice, [I wonder if she is?]. I particularly liked 'A near gale screamed around mock Victorian lamp posts, whistling through cables that seemed to exaggerate her presence.' I'd have liked to have seen a little bit more atmosphere of the kind you evoke in this para, not too much, just a touch more.
I wonder about the story not being told here, the one between the lines. I had a thought that Emma might have been his daughter in fact, something he knew and she didn't. But if I've invented that for myself, I'd liked to have had a glimpse of the understory, the business between Rees and his older brother.
I was, though, thrown by the first para, and I looked at it again after my first reading. Then I felt that Ticker and Ben and the four other men might not be needed as they only come into the story very briefly. Is there any point in having them?
When I read the first para originally I wasn't sure who was re-appearing, I assumed for a moment it might be 'the captain' because I hadn't realised the Captain's Cabin was a pub. Silly, I know. Then I see in the next line that it was Rees re-appearing. Then I wasn't sure if it was Rees or Weasel who had been to the dentist, and I thought it referred to one of them having just come back from the dentist. Oh dear, me or what?

The other point in the interaction between Rees and Weasle, is that the POV 'felt' as if it was not well established:
'Weasle's dark button eyes took in his old friend's...' 'Weasle's POV
'Rees took a step back from the stench of stale sweat...' Rees' POV
The POV, although in third person, belongs to Rees, so I'd sharpen that up a bit in the Weasle section.
A couple of typos/shaky sentences:
'spiders'--> spiders'
'...fell better.' feel
'...both men faced one and other...'? one another?

Is 'camel coat' actually the old dung coloured camelhair coat that spivs who thought they'd made it wore in the early sixties? If so the very word 'camelhair' evokes so very much just by itself. But camel coat doesn't do it!

The very last sentence is oddly punctuated so it could be read as '...Until Paul, with a shrug, walked off and watching the couple...' As if it was Paul doing the watching.
If I may take the liberty, I'd reconstruct along these lines: For a long moment the two men faced each other until Paul, with a shrug, walked off, pulling Emma along with him. Watching the couple hurry along the promenade, Rees, wiping salt spray from his eye, was surprised to find himself crying.' -- It's clearer that way.

There aren't so many words to this story, I feel you could work up a bit more atmosphere and poignancy, a little more depth, and something a bit tangible about the relationship between Rees and his older bro.
Rebecca.


tusker at 16:21 on 31 December 2007  Report this post
Hi Becca,
Thanks for your comments and advice. I will work through the story again. I deliberately omitted to reveal the true relationship between Rees and Emma. Is he father or uncle? I wanted to leave that question to the reader. But I'll bet he's her father. Thanks again. Happy New Year.
Regards,
Jennifer

Becca at 17:03 on 31 December 2007  Report this post
Hi Jennifer,
well then the story does definitely work. Maybe a tad more about how he'd have liked a daughter he knew, or something? ... A finely done story, though.
Becca.

tusker at 07:16 on 01 January 2008  Report this post
Hi Becca,
I suppose I should humanise him a bit despite him being an egotistical, selfish man. Thanks.
Regards,
Jennifer

Buzzard at 15:54 on 04 January 2008  Report this post
Hi, Jennifer
So why did Rees return, I wonder. He doesn't seem very happy to be home after all that time, and certainly doesn't seem to want to catch up with any of his old chums. I know he's considering dropping in on his brother, but isn't this incidentally?

I don't especially need to know. I think the story's strength is very much what lies beneath the surface. In many respects the atmosphere is strong enough to carry it along without a good deal of plot or character motivation — especially given the uncertainty as to Emma's parentage. But I would like just a litte more sense of purpose behind Rees' visit. Perfectly understandable and acceptable if he's there to gloat or simply to satisfy curiosity or even despite himself, but to really believe in him, that's what I wanted.

And at points I thought that the conversation between Emma and Rees was a tad stilted, e.g. 'Our local rag claimed you two-timed your loyal wife as soon as you were released . . .' Could Emma not make the point that she knows him without quite spelling it out so literally? I think subtlety in the form of playful/taunting hints might enhance the haunting atmosphere. Whatever Rees' reason for returning, he thinks he's there in a position of superiority. If her role is to undermine him by having information that he isn't party too, then she can probably afford to string him along more than she does. Keep the bastard guessing!

Just a suggestion. All the best
Clay

Nella at 18:00 on 04 January 2008  Report this post
Hi Jennifer,
I agree with Clay that there is a lot going on under the surface that makes for good tension.
I suspected, too, that Rees might be her father. My question: Does she know that he might be her father? She sounds so angry at him for (for deserting her mother) that I think she might know!
Cheers,
Robin

tusker at 06:48 on 05 January 2008  Report this post
Hi Clay and Robin,

Thanks for your words of advice. I'm re-writing it at the moment so will work on both of your suggestions.

Regards,

Jennifer


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