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Stina Trolldatter, chapter 1

by acwhitehouse 

Posted: 16 December 2007
Word Count: 2129
Summary: Fourteen-year-old Stina's life in rural Norway during the 1880s is changed forever, when her mother travels to Oslo to see one of the 1st performances of Ibsen's 'A Doll's House'. Stina's little world begins to crumble when mother fails to return. A coming-of-age story.
Related Works: Stina Trolldatter, chapters 2 & 3 • 

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Historical note: In 1880, when the story begins, Oslo was officially named Christiania. Norway was ruled by the King of Sweden and was a predominantly rural country, still quite feudal, and the national church was Lutheran Christian. Neither ordinary men, nor women, had yet won the right to vote.
--


PROLOGUE

In the year of our Lord 1880, in the springtime, my mother journeyed to Christiania and our lives changed forever. All the days before that spring are like a pleasant dream to me now. Sometimes I find it calming to picture myself back there, in those last days; fourteen-year-old me, safe, warm, and most of all, loved.


CHAPTER ONE

Spring, 1880.

The house where I was born is being painted today. The whiteness of it, still wet, dazzles me in the late afternoon sunshine. I have no chores. I can lie here in the meadow until sunset, if I choose, and no one will miss me.

When their work is done, my father and uncles will drink beer and tiny thimblefuls of fiery aquavit, and eat smelly lutefisk, wrapped in little potato pancakes. Mama is away. Tante Kari, Mama’s sister, has taken her shopping in Christiania. Tante Kari said she would bring me back a dress from a real Christiania dressmaker. I wish I could have gone with them to choose it.

I won’t eat the lutefisk. Women don’t like lutefisk, and I will be a woman soon.

Anyway, I don’t need to go home for middag today; I have my rucksack, I have rye bread and brown cheese. I have water in my flask. I have my cloak, although I won’t need it. The sun is still hot on my face - the light still bright, through the translucent red of my closed eyelids. The grass is soft beneath my back and the earth below will hold onto the day’s warmth a little longer. I could sleep here. I would – I’m not afraid.

Halvor might wake up in the night though. Mama said I should look after my brother while she is away.

“Stina!” I can hear Papa calling me. They must have finished already.

Reluctantly, I open my eyes and raise my head an inch from the ground. Every movement releases a new cocktail of wildflower scents, and sends a thousand tiny creatures scurrying, buzzing, and springing for safety.

Too bad – he’s already seen me.

“Stina, it’s time to come home now. If you stay out, the mountain troll will come and take you for his wife.”

“Oh Papa, don’t be silly,” I say. “Don’t you think I’m getting too old for troll-stories?”

He looks at me, with a soppy, almost sad expression and beckons me to hurry up.

“You? Never,” he says, and bends to kiss my hair as I squeeze through the old stile.

I suspect that the bottle of aquavit has already been opened.

I run down the steep path to the bright, white house. I am sorry to have been disturbed, but eager to inspect the workmanship all the same.

*

Each wooden board, each rail, fascia and spindle, gleams – in stark contrast to the dull red of the barn behind. Even the swing seat on the veranda shines. Mama will be very pleased when she comes home; so will Papa, provided she hasn’t spent too much of his silver, shopping for linens with Tante Kari. We will rub along happily enough without her, until the meals that she has left for us run out, and we have to make do for ourselves. Sometimes I think that she likes to go away, purely to remind us how much we need her.

Inside the house, the odour of paint still strong in my nostrils, I sit on a blanket with Halvor. We pretend that my grease-paper parcels of bread and cheese are a real picnic, and that we are far away in the forests of the North, on some quest or other, weary from many days’ walking.

“What would you do, if you saw a real troll, Stina?” asks Halvor, not for the first time.

“Well, most importantly, I would make sure that he didn’t see me,” I reply.

Halvor, predictably, is not satisfied with my answer.

“Stina,” he whines, “go on, Stina. Tell me.”

“Alright,” I say, “but first, hop into bed.”

We leave the blanket and the crumbs until the morning. It won’t be noticed. Papa and the other men will make more mess than us.

Our bed is the old kind – it is an old building – but we like it. It’s like a cupboard, built into the thick, double walls of the house. You open the shutters and there, at about waist-height, is a cosy space, just big enough for me and Halvor. In the old days, when my great-grandparents bought the land and made it into a farm, this was their bed and everyone else slept on wooden benches out in the main stue. They must have been a lot shorter than me; my feet are already rammed against the far wall and I’m only fourteen years old. Mama says she will speak to my father about partitioning the stue so that I may have a room of my own before the snow comes. She says it isn’t right for me to sleep with Halvor now that my menstruasjon has begun.

The bed isn’t waist-height to Halvor. It’s as high as his shoulders, and he usually needs a shove.

We climb in and I rest our candle, carefully, on the little shelf above our heads. Although it smokes a bit, we close the doors to shut out the laughter of the men.

“Please, Stina,” he begs, “tell me a story.”

“Okay, okay,” I say, and I begin. “Trolls, as everyone knows, are slow and stupid creatures. Nevertheless, they can and will do you harm if you have something they want, or if you get in their way.”

“And how do you recognise them?” he asks, hugging his knees, his small body tensed with excitement, as usual.

“I’m getting to that. Now, be quiet if you want to hear the rest. As I was saying, they are not clever, but a person must keep his wits about him, if he wants to live to tell the tale of his encounter with a Norwegian mountain troll.”

“But how…?” he interrupts.

“Ssh, or I won’t tell it.”

Halvor clamps his hand across his mouth, as though it is the only way he can prevent the words from bubbling out.

“Trolls wear many disguises,” I continue, “because their true appearance is terrible to behold. They may be as small as a man or as tall as the pine trees, but their heads are large, and the weight of them causes the trolls to hunch, like this.” I let my chin slump to my chest, rounding my shoulders, while my little brother’s eyes glitter in the candlelight, with terror and delight.

“Their eyes are as big as pewter plates and their noses are as long as a poker. They use them for stirring their soup.”

Halvor squeals through his fingers and, for once, I am glad of the noise of the men. It is at this point in the tale that Mama raps on the doors and tells us to blow out the candle and go to sleep. Tonight though, we won’t have to whisper.

“The teeth of a troll are long and yellow, like the fangs of an old wolf, and his breath stinks so bad, it’s like poison. Their eyes are small and squinty,” I screw up my eyes, “and some just have one – right in the middle of their foreheads. With a one-eyed troll, if you stand perfectly still, he won’t be able to see you. That is one way to escape a troll.”

“What else?” asks Halvor, snuggling down under the covers.

“A small troll will have no need of disguises,” I say, quieter now, as he is growing sleepy, “as long as he can keep his tail hidden. They tie them around their britches, to keep them from falling down.”

He always laughs at this point, and Mama knocks on our shutters a second time. Three times – and there will be extra chores in the morning. But not this time.

“Oh yes, you must always look very carefully at the belt of a stranger, if he approaches you or offers you food. You must never take food from a troll, by the way. If you eat his food you will forget who you are, and be in thrall to him forever and a day. Do you remember what Askeladden did?”

“He pretended to eat the porridge, but really he was spooning it into a bag hidden underneath his shirt.”

“That’s right. And then what did he do?” I ask.

“Askeladden said that he could eat more than the troll could. He slit open his shirt and the bag too, with a silver knife, and let the porridge pour out, so that he could eat some more.”

“Trolls can never resist a challenge. That is another way to beat a troll. Askeladden’s father had taught him well. The troll took his knife and slit open his own belly, and turned to stone, right there in the wood.”

“Is it still there? Askeladden’s stone troll?” asks Halvor.

“Of course,” I say. “There are many stone trolls in the forests of Norway. There are those that were outwitted by some clever boy or other, and there are those that simply got caught out by the sunrise, when they should have been safely back inside their caves. There are some whose hearts have been found and destroyed, and who had no idea that death was coming for them.”

“Their hearts?” he asks, in horror. This is a new story for him – virgin territory.

“Yes, didn’t I tell you? They sometimes hide them. It makes them almost invincible.” I can tell he is impressed. “There was once a very ugly, unusually clever troll, who had stolen a princess. The prince, to whom she was betrothed, came looking for her. After many adventures, he finally found her but she begged him not to fight her captor. She had heard the troll boast many times of the ingenuity of his hiding place, and was determined to find it out.”

“Over the next few days, the princess flattered the troll, who had not hurt her. He had only stolen her in order to soothe the fearful headaches, to which all trolls are prone. To have one’s brow stroked by a princess is the only cure for a troll-sized headache.”

Halvor looks at me, perhaps seeking traces of amusement, but I succeed in remaining deadly serious. “Day by day, the princess told the troll how she admired his cunning and was in awe of his genius. Day by day, the troll let a little more of secret slip. And all the time, the prince was listening.”

“Where was the heart?” asks Halvor, in an awe-struck whisper. Only his wide eyes are visible over the top of the blanket. He doesn’t seem quite sure he really wants to know.

“Inside an egg.” I say.

“Inside an egg?” He sounds disappointed.

“Yes, inside an egg… inside a duck.” I smile.

“It wasn’t laid yet? I suppose that is quite clever,” he concedes.

“You haven’t heard the half of it,” I say. “The troll’s heart was inside an egg, inside a duck, at the bottom of a well, in a church, on an island, in the middle of a vast lake, in a faraway land, through many valleys and over many mountains.”

“And did the prince find it? Did he marry the princess and live happily ever after?”

“Eventually, yes, although it took him a year and a day, and he faced many dangers on the way. He found the egg and he squeezed it and, at that exact moment, hundreds of miles away, the troll turned to stone and shattered into a thousand tiny splinters.”

“What dangers did he face?”

“That is a story for another day, my kjaere.”

“And the princess was free?” he asks, with a sigh and a yawn, and the small, comfortable snuffling sound he has made ever since he was a baby. He turns over and winds himself tighter into the covers.

I kiss him goodnight, and blow out the candle. “Yes kjaere, she was free.” And the story ends, as all Norwegian stories do, “Snip, snap, snout. Now the story’s out.”

--

Thanks for reading.

This is a work in progress, I only have two more chapters so far. I'll upload them over the next week or so, but leave them unattached for the time being.







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Comments by other Members



NMott at 10:52 on 18 December 2007  Report this post
Hi, AC,
I'm in Childrens but tend to lurk around YA/Teen, so I hope you don't mind my commenting on the story. I started reading it and found myself carried on right to the end :)
Not sure if it's any help, but my only comment, as far as targeting it towards teens, would be to cut out the yawning and general sleepiness of your mc. Your target readership will be empathising with her, rather than the little boy, and if you give the slightest impression that she is tired of, or bored with, the story she is telling the boy, you risk the reader being less interested in it too. Maybe, instead, there could be, eg, a little teasing between them, or a few more questions about the story from the boy.
Also probably best not to paraphrase parts of the story eg. and he faced many dangers on the way, because a little boy is likely to want a full description of the dangers faced along the way, to draw out the story before he has to go to sleep.
Anyway, just a thought, good luck with it :)

- NaomiM

<Added>

Maybe use the storytime as a vehicle for a shared secret - my brother and I were always having discussions about which parent we liked best. :)

<Added>

...which might help to bring in a little family history.

Ok, I'll stop bugging you now :)

acwhitehouse at 17:58 on 19 December 2007  Report this post
Hi, I thought I'd answer some questions I had about this in WF (where I posted a copy, briefly, just to see how it fared with an adult audience), just to pre-empt you.

- The first three chapters are all short, only around 2,000 words each, so the story moves on quite quickly to the part where Stina realises that her mother has gone missing.

- People seem roughly equally divided between those that want fewer Norwegian words, and those that want more! I don't really know what to do about that.

- The POV stays with Stina throughout the story, but I will be finding ways of dealing with a) her father's anger and feelings of abandonment, and b) her mother's experience of the big city. This will probably come out through dialogue, or perhaps letters, later in the book.

Thanks for reading.
Amy

nr at 18:24 on 20 December 2007  Report this post
Hi Amy. I liked this and it's very well written. I guess my questions would be about the YA part of the readership you're aiming at, and more generally, whether this has what an opening needs to draw a reader on.

The story within the story appeals to the little boy and is for youngish readers I guess. On the other hand the mc is a teenage girl. You say this is YA/cross over. I think you might need to make sure that there's something to appeal to teenage girls. So far your mc is well-loved, kind, and rather formal. There appear to be no threats to her security or happiness. There's no sign yet that either her personal situation or the troll story will provide a way in to trouble, conflict, problem to solve. If a reader, particularly a teenage girl, picks this up in a bookshop and reads this far, what is there to make her want to read on?

But the writing is very good, and in your intro you indicate that something dramatic will happen. Perhaps you can just shade something in somewhere to hint at this?

I'd certainly be interested to read more.

Naomi R

acwhitehouse at 20:04 on 20 December 2007  Report this post
Her mother isn't coming back. Dramatic enough?

I think the word count is very limiting in this way. This first chapter is only five or six pages long in 'real' terms, so the drama does come into play pretty quickly. This isn't an Alex Rider action story, but neither is it The Secret Garden. I'd like to think that the pace falls somewhere in between.

<Added>

Most people, in bookshops, look at the blurb. I don't think they base their decision on reading the first five pages. A person might read just the first page, in addition to the blurb (which would of course hint at things to come.)But when I read the first page, I'm far more interested in the style and how the scene is set. I don't expect drama right away. Fair enough, I'm not a teenager, but I remember being one, not so long ago.

NMott at 00:42 on 21 December 2007  Report this post
Children expect a story to grab them from the start - you don't really have the luxury of 4-5 pages to set up the scene and introduce the characters; that has to happen at the same time as something happening. The troll story was interesting, and is a device that can be used to set the scene and introduce the characters. I think you need to ask yourself why you have the troll stories in the book. At the moment they seem to be a device to get the novel into the Teen fiction market, and as such I don't think it works because it misses it's target readership and instead appeals to pre-teens. It really needs to be tied into the story more.


- NaomiM

<Added>

...the best sort of something in a childrens book is not necessarily an action sequence or something shocking, but a little scene which makes the reader wonder why?. Terry Pratchett is a past master of the why's.

nr at 12:09 on 21 December 2007  Report this post
Amy, I'm sorry to have annoyed you but if you put your material up for comments you won't always get what pleases you. And that's good really, because you need to know what potential readers of your book feel if you're at all interested in being published.

I've taught 11-18 year olds for 25 years. When I take kids to the library they do look at the first page of a book.They may read the blurb first and if that attracts them they then open the book. If the opening paragraphs don't grab them, they put the book back on the shelf and try something else. Teenage readers don't have much patience. Neither do many adults. I don't read blurbs - I open the book and read the beginning. Sometimes I stop after the first sentence, and I make my living teaching literature! I read lots.
It's also true that many agents are incredibly pressed for time when they deal with the slushpile which is only a small part of their daily work. (My agent gets 3000 submissions a year and she's not alone in that.) They read the first few sentences of a submission and often make judgements that way. If they're not grabbed they won't read any further. I wasn't saying your story wouldn't be dramatic enough; I was suggesting that it wasn't immediately clear that it was going to be. For example I didn't immediately think of the mother not returning - she's gone shopping. There's no suggestion that this is sinister. I didn't get the least hint that she might not come back. It all seemed very cosy and safe - which doesn't promise drama.

You say
But when I read the first page, I'm far more interested in the style and how the scene is set.

I can believe this because the extract you've posted is very carefully written as if you care very much about the style and are not in a hurry to set the story going. But you need to consider that you are probably not a typical reader which is why it's a good idea to post your stuff here and take on board what readers say to you.


Naomi R

<Added>

As the other Naomi so rightly says you have to do something 'which makes the reader wonder why?'.

acwhitehouse at 14:12 on 21 December 2007  Report this post
I have nothing against constructive criticism - I get it in The BookShed and on YWO, as well as here - but I also see no reason why a contentious point shouldn't freely be discussed. If any of us already had all the answers to what readers want, we wouldn't be here.

<Added>

What I mean is that there is a difference between a) what makes a good read, and b) what makes a commercially successful read. For me, it's about finding a balance - settling in a place where my work stands a chance at publication and yet doesn't begin to feel as though it's been written by a stranger.

Artemis Fowl (as mentioned by Terry) is a good case in point. The first three chapters are great - the rest, not so. Books two and three, empty and dull. They have no natural story arc.

NMott at 16:25 on 21 December 2007  Report this post
Amy, with regards to writing for a younger readership, it depends on a certain extent on how young a readership you are aiming the book at. Older teenagers usually read adult fiction, and there are proportionally fewer books aimed specifically at them. The ones that do, tend to concentrate on 'teen angst' (for want of a better phrase) - ie. the emotional milestones & moral mazes they pass through as they move from childhood to adulthood, wrapped up in an interesting storyline, be it adventure, fantasy, Sci-fi, romance, etc - whatever you choose, pace is everything regardless of whether you are writing for yourself or for publication, otherwise you may as well just stick to adult fiction and forget 'teen-crossover'. Adult fiction which is marketed as 'crossover' are the books which also cover these milestones, with an MC of the same age, or slightly older than your readership.

<Added>

...a lot of people underestimate the difficulty of writing for children.

<Added>

Apologies if that sounds like lecturing, but it's actually for my own benefit since my current YA wip is crap as I'm finding myself falling into all the traps I advise other people to avoid. :)

Cassandra5 at 18:17 on 22 December 2007  Report this post
I think this is a beautiful story; but I am a very patient reader and like slow, leisurely narratives. I could see that a more impatient modern teen would not feel hooked by such a placid, beautiful beginning.
The obvious way to repair this would be to foreshadow the coming abandonment. Of course this would change the flavor of your story and ruin the shock value of the mother's non-return. But if the reader could see a conflict--the perfect, beautiful, secure moment, the undertones of possible catastrophic disruption, that could definitely keep a person reading.
Sometimes I have hated the thought of compromising my preferred style of writing to cater for this hypothetical "bored reader" but actually I usually come to like the changed version better.
--Elizabeth/Cassandra

acwhitehouse at 14:38 on 28 December 2007  Report this post
I've added a little prologue. Sorry if I sounded snappish before.
Amy

NMott at 00:17 on 29 December 2007  Report this post
Do you mean the historical note? Susanna Clarke does a lot of little footnotes like that in her magnum opus Jonathan Strange & Mr Norrell.
Has anyone seen footnotes being used in YA fiction? as I really enjoyed them, and those teens with a love of little facts would probably like them too - although, like a rather dry history lesson, they are not the cup of tea of the majority as they ar easily forgotten unless grounded in the character's personal experience.


- NaomiM

Account Closed at 14:24 on 01 January 2008  Report this post
Hello, I enjoyed reading this too, nice style. However I also read it as more children's than teen, I think it would work perfectly for older children but I don't know if you'll get the crossover to work - at least not in the UK/US markets? The storyline has a lot of promise though and I did like the writing style very much and characters.

SarahT at 12:39 on 07 January 2008  Report this post
Hi Amy,

I thought it was a very lyrical piece but I think that, to echo what others have said, the hook is not in the text yet to draw the reader in - whatever age they are. I thought it read well as a short story, which is a completely different kettle of fish from a novel!

I think that the answer to this is relatively easy. I think that setting the scene about the disappearance of the mother close to the beginning would grip the reader and get their interest to read more, and it could also help you to pin down the audience that you want for your book a little bit more. For example, it could create a darkness that would be necessary for an older book.

If you edit it in the right way, you could have the MC looking back on the fact that maybe she didn't yet know about the loss of her mother when she was talking about trolls. Then you could play around with how the myths spill over into real life as she finds out what happens to her mother. That's just an idea - feel free to ignore.

On other points, I thought the balance of Norwegian words was fine.

Hope this is useful.

Sarah

Skippoo at 18:46 on 31 January 2008  Report this post
Hi Amy,

Thank you for the historical notes – history isn’t my strong point and I never know things like that!

OK, I am coming to this after you’ve added the prologue and I will talk about that in a bit.

First of all I want to say that I think your writing is stunning and very accomplished. I love the style – very tight and clean, but filled with strong images, emotion and nostalgia.

Actually, it reminds me of the writing style of a very talented woman I did my Creative Writing MA with and her work was also often set in Scandinavia, with strong, original images of food, nature, etc. I had to look you up to check you weren’t her!

I loved the way you interspersed the troll story with the reminders that Mum wasn’t there. This was very well done and created a build of tension. There was also a feeling of a strong bond between the two siblings – the protectiveness of your MC over her little brother, which I felt added to the effectiveness of this, as this is something they are both in together. No one else is going to share that experience of losing their mother with them. I also liked the fact that this means Stina’s troll story is allowed to go further than ever before. There’s kind of a parallel between this and the loss of the mother as this will also take the children into new territory – the unsafe adult world of pain and loss.

I also thought the number of Norwegian words was absolutely fine.

So on to the prologue: It did serve its purpose and rectify the issues the two Naomis had pointed out they had with your story, i.e. a lack of something to draw the reader in. I did feel drawn in. That tells me a prologue was the right move! However, the prologue was too brief for me. It tells us is that there’s an adult narrator looking back and that Mum never comes back, but nothing more. How about expanding on it and drawing us in even more? Perhaps you could flesh out the adult Stina, give us some more information as to how her mother leaving has affected her, how it has shaped the adult she has become – even throw in a few parallels between her adult self and her mother. I’m sure you would do a brilliant job at this.

I identify with what Cassandra says about hearing about this idea of the ‘bored teenage reader’. My natural tendency is to focus on characters more than plot and several people on here were saying that the writing was good, the characters were well drawn, but not enough happens to hook teenagers. And that kind of feedback used to piss me off! I wanted realism and great details, I didn’t want to be so calculating and unnatural as to plan out a huge plot! But when it came to submitting to agents, I realised the feedback I was getting was all still saying the same kind of things. I still managed to get an agent, but when we did the first round of submitting to publishers, again, they were saying the same thing. So I’ve just put a lot of work into editing - looking at the plot, making more happen, heightening tension, etc. However, I was also careful that I still felt happy with it and didn’t feel I was selling out. So yes, like you say, it’s a balance. But sometimes with teenage fiction, you may find you have to go a little more towards the plot side of things than you anticipated!

I hope this helps. I really like this and I’m looking forward to reading more.

Cath



acwhitehouse at 19:10 on 31 January 2008  Report this post
Thanks Skippoo, you're right - I know you all are (sighs). Oh, if only we could keep on writing books like The Railway Children or The Secret Garden, and still find people that wanted to publish them...


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