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Re-birth

by joanie 

Posted: 11 November 2007
Word Count: 144
Summary: Close to this mother's heart at the moment!


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Version II

Flour milled
to foreign standards
caresses his fingers
despite his lack
of hands-on knowledge.

Proving taunts
his mind until
this magic process
claims his intellect.
Brioche poses problems

ultimately
solved with real panache.
The meaning of his being
translates into
perfect baguettes,

fine ciabattas, focaccia,
soda bread. The accountant
in him dies daily
as his hands form
the staff of life



Version I
Flour milled
to foreign standards
caresses his fingers
despite his lack
of hands-on knowledge.

Proving taunts
his mind until
this magic process
claims his intellect.
Brioche poses problems

ultimately
solved with real panache.
Making bread becomes
the purpose of life
itself. The meaning

of his being
translates into
perfect baguettes, fine
ciabattas, focaccia,
soda bread. The accountant

in him dies daily
as his hands form
the staff of life, bread
fashioned by his unskilled
hand. He is born again.









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Comments by other Members



Tina at 07:54 on 12 November 2007  Report this post
Joan

I really enjoyed this writing smooth as ever

I wonder do you need:

Making bread becomes
the purpose of life
itself.


as this is evident in the writing?

Also not sure about - 'he is born again' ?

But really liked the

The accountant

in him dies daily
as his hands form
the staff of life


You could start or end with these lines.

Enjoyed this
thanks
Tina

joanie at 09:46 on 12 November 2007  Report this post
Thanks, Tina. This was pretty instant (not thought about too much), so I appreciate your thoughts, all of which are really useful. I'll play about with it.

Thanks again,
Joan

V`yonne at 21:27 on 12 November 2007  Report this post
Perhaps bread making becomes the staff or his life, his prop...?

joanie at 21:55 on 12 November 2007  Report this post
Version II posted now. Thanks for reading, Oonah. Yes, perhaps!
joanie

V`yonne at 22:00 on 12 November 2007  Report this post
YES Joanie! That is so much better. Where are you sending it? Try Shine. She'd like it I think.

(You need a full stop at the end.)

Ticonderoga at 14:56 on 13 November 2007  Report this post
Yup, version two is much better - trim and fleet of foot & not at all half-baked!! Tasty.

Best,

Mike

joanie at 23:15 on 15 November 2007  Report this post
Thanks, Mike! joanie

J1mbo at 12:11 on 16 December 2007  Report this post
I prefer version two. I feel hungry now.

I'm not so sure about 'staff', but it is growing on me.

Nice one.


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