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Road Rage

by tusker 

Posted: 28 October 2007
Word Count: 835
Summary: Motorway incident and dream is true. Rest fiction.


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A Supertramp CD plays "Even The Quietest Moments" as I drive down the motorway. I've tried to block out the rows and accusations but I know my partner lied. He's been with that woman. After, I drank a bottle of red wine and now, twenty four hours later, I'm off to visit my family, hoping to get TLC and my mother's beef broth accompanied by spicy dumplings.

"Dreamer" is now playing and I remember the dream I'd had during my alcohol induced sleep. I was driving along a stretch of road when suddenly, in front of me, a high, wide object appeared. In my dream, I don't slam on the brakes but head straight at it and after waking up with a whimper, that dream has followed me around all day.
Rain beats down but comforting myself, I recall that in my dream the night was dry. Now my wipers zigzag, scraping blurry images across the windscreen and the occassional car overtakes but, at this hour, the motorway is almost deserted.
The strains of "Babaji" fills my car, swells my heart. 'Babaji, oh won't you come to me,' I sing along as the heater pumps stuffy warmth onto my legs. Curtis loved this album. Sometimes at weekends, we'd have an Indian takeaway, open a bottle of wine and listen to our favourite CD's. That was when he was in a good mood. Not morose, blaming me for my inadequacies. Telling me I dressed like a slag.
Feeling tears beginning to sting, I tell myself I must stop thinking about that two-timing, bullying bastard.
Hell! There's a car right up my backside, headlights glaring. 'Overtake you fool. What's stopping you?' I pull into the slow lane, hoping he'll pass by, but he stays glued to my tail.
There's a bump. The bastard's nudged my bumper! Through the driving mirror, I can see a male, shadowy form. He's drawing alongside. Appears to lean across the passenger seat. Maybe he's spotted something wrong with my car and is trying to tell me? No, he's shaking his fist! What's wrong with that Macho Creep?
"Give A Little Bit" is now playing. "See the man with the lonely eyes, take his hand and you'll be surprised." The unknown driver is now dawdling ahead in the middle lane, practically crawling along like me. It couldn't be Curtis, could it? He always said he'd never let me go that I was his and his alone.
Slamming my foot down on the accelerator, I speed past him out onto the fast lane and momentarily, I'm blinded by his flashing headlights. God! he's speeding up again. Hell! he's given my bumper another nudge which sends me careering across onto the slow lane. Battling with the steering wheel, I manage to straighten my little Fiesta.
"Lover Boy" comes on the CD. I laugh despite my terror. "You can't stop Lover Boy." Well, I've got news for you, I going to try before he kills me.
My mobile, where's my mobile? Oh God, it's in my handbag on the back seat. Pull yourself together. Take charge of the situation. Crying is a sign of weakness. When was the last time you cried? After Smudge, my cat died. Yea, that was different. Strangely, my panic dies. Anger takes over.
A large sign looms ahead. It's a sign for Usk. If I divert at the last moment, he will drive on towards The Severn Bridge.
I turn off at the junction and head down to a roundabout knowing that this detour will take me miles from my destination.
God, he's following! Keep cool. Don't panic. Outside beyond my hot space, there is pure darkness. No moon. No stars. Nothing. But I remember this road well. It's the road that leads to an old farmhouse where my grandparents lived. My parents and siblings travelled this stretch many times when we were young.
I push down on the accelerator. My pursuer isn't as close now. Maybe darkness has made him wary. As soon as I think that hopeful thought, he's speeding up but, suddenly, as if from nowhere, I spot an articulated lorry that has jack-knifed on the wet surface.
I switch off my lights. My pursuer, almost upon me, blasts his car horn. Last minute, wrenching the steering wheel over to my left, my car veers onto a picnic area, bashing into a litter bin. Slamming my foot on the brake, we skid across grass coming to a stop inches from a chestnut tree.
Behind me, there is a sound of impact. Millions of sparks fly up into darkness and for a long while, I sit breathing deeply before starting the car to make a bumpy progress back onto the road.
As I drive away, "Fools Overture," is playing and I sing along, 'HolyMan, Rocker Man, come on Queenie. Joker Man, Spider Man, Blue-eyed Meanie.'
And when my favourite track comes to an end, I'm back on the motorway glad, in a sentimental way, that Macho Man wasn't Curtis.







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Comments by other Members



V`yonne at 16:40 on 28 October 2007  Report this post
Jennifer, I enjoyed this...that is I was trrified what was going to happen but I wanted a stronger ending - some resolution. It doesn't feel finished and we don't know what really happened to the creep or to her. I'm with you on the beef broth. This was emotionally strong.

PS: I have nightmares about the roads round Usk too, nothing to worry about - it's
normal
! :)

Becca at 19:45 on 29 October 2007  Report this post
Hi Jennifer,
This was a nice tight piece, I wished though that I knew the music in the story, because I thought if I did, it would give it a whole new dimension. I think somehow I agree with V'yonne of wanting something chunkier at the end. Is the story finished though? Could there be some more? Could she meet the man?
Becca.

tusker at 14:50 on 30 October 2007  Report this post
Hi Becca,

Brought my three kids up on Supertramp. Saw them in concert and went to see Roger Hodgson, lead singer and composer about 3 weeks ago. An ardent fan. Lyrics great. Crime of the Century is my favourite album.
The Macho Man is dead. Will work on it though. Thanks for your advice.

Regards,
Jennifer.

Buzzard at 21:52 on 01 November 2007  Report this post
Hi, Tusker.

Certainly dramatic and action-packed. No doubt about it this is a story that keeps you reading!

I just wonder if, after causing her tormentor to crash, something more in the way of an epiphany wouldn't go amiss? I definitely think her adrenalin and emotions would be running high enough to warrant a reaction the likes of which is entirely new to her. She's only been driven to make this journey because she's been hurt by the person she loves; now she's been bullied (to put it mildly!)for no earthly reason by a complete stranger. For me, wondering when she last cried and remembering it was when the cat died, whilst amusingly bathetic, doesn't quite conjure the terror I know I'd feel in her situation — then elation/guilt or whatever at having possibly killed her tormentor. Would she simply drive off 'glad, in a sentimental way'? I don't know. But I do know that I wanted to be more interested in her general state of mind and character than I felt was allowed.

Also, might you want to make more — or less — of the dream? That she has such a premonition must be signifcant somehow, but the thread isn't developed.

And one last minor point, actually similar to the last. In the opening paragraph, 'that woman' implies someone specific that leads us into wanting and expecting more about her. Since the story doesn't follow through, I wonder if 'someone else' wouldn't serve better? That way, the lover is anonymous, so less important, from the outset.

On the whole, I really like these tense and dramatic little snapshots you offer of people's lives in turmoil, though, Tusker. Great stuff!




tusker at 15:08 on 02 November 2007  Report this post
Hi Clay,
Glad you thought it tense. Can see your points. I've a bad habit of editing too much, keeping the story tight and expecting readers to know what's going on in between.
The dream is true. The road rage incident happened without the awful consequences but after stopping, I slept for a couple of hours! Weird or what?

Regards,
Jennifer

MF at 15:54 on 02 November 2007  Report this post
Clay has made some great points, so not much for me to add...other than to say that I thought the song device could perhaps use a little development. Like Becca, I'm not familiar with Supertramp's music (although I might recognize the tunes if I heard them), so as a reader I felt at a slight disadvantage - as if I was somehow missing the key to a bigger picture.

Perhaps you could lose the song titles, and punctuate your paragraphs with italicised soundbites (the snatched phrases that you've begun to incorporate already)? So that the sense of the songs merges more seamlessly with the story, saving an uninitiated reader the jolt of cited song titles that don't mean much on their own. Just a thought... :)

Nella at 21:06 on 03 November 2007  Report this post
Maybe I'm missing something because I'm not at all familiar with the music - but still the story got under my skin - good tension. I liked the ending - it was open, leaving a lot of questions for the reader to find answers to. Who knows - maybe it was Curtis?
Robin

tusker at 14:04 on 05 November 2007  Report this post
Hi Robin,
Thanks for your comments. Maybe it was Curtis. I've looked it through again and will put it aside for a while. Like you, I'd prefer to leave the ending open.

Regards Jennifer

Findy at 18:56 on 26 June 2009  Report this post
Hi Jennifer

Enjoyed the story very much, I liked the ending too...serves the creep right, he deserved it. Maybe she could have called the ambulance, that would swing back sympathy towards her - otherwise she might come across as a cold hearted person, never mind that the creep was tailing her with other intentions.

Just my thoughts.

findy

Forbes at 23:15 on 26 June 2009  Report this post
Hi Jennifer

loved this - was cheering for her. I'd have taken it further and instead of her being detached after the crash,I'd have her go watch the fire - wish/hoping it was her ex. maybe musing how easy it had been. maybe stetting up to avenge a few other hurts.

But I am very bloodthirsty!!!

Avis

tusker at 06:37 on 27 June 2009  Report this post
Hi Findy,

Thanks for reading and commenting.

The girl had gone through a terrifying experience at the hands of a bully behind the wheel, so I wanted her to feel that way.

My road rage experience wasn't as bad, but I did feel murderous at the time.



Jennifer

tusker at 06:41 on 27 June 2009  Report this post
Thanks Avis for your kind comments and blood thirsty suggestions.

I suspect you've had some experience on road rage too.


Jennifer




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