Login   Sign Up 



 

Referral

by joanie 

Posted: 23 October 2007
Word Count: 138


Font Size
 


Printable Version
Print Double spaced


Version II
Confused
she takes a razor blade
and hacks the offending part
away.

She knows, deep in her native understanding,
that what lies underneath the surface
is much more important than
skin or
hair or
size of hands
or feet.

Yet her native instincts lead her to the point
of making fun of the slightly odd -
the larger nose
or ears
or mobile;
auburn hair
and glasses.



Version I
She knows, deep in her native understanding,
that what lies underneath the surface
is much more important than
skin or
hair or
size of hands
or feet.

Yet her native instincts lead her to the point
of making fun of the slightly odd -
the larger nose
or ears
or mobile;
auburn hair
and glasses.

Confused
she takes a razor blade
and hacks the offending part
away.










Favourite this work Favourite This Author


Comments by other Members



V`yonne at 23:37 on 23 October 2007  Report this post
Typo: instints = instincts

Oh not sure what she hacked off. Have you gone Holloweenish?

joanie at 06:51 on 24 October 2007  Report this post
Thanks for the typo, Oonah! No, I'm not sure either! Not sure where this came from really.

joanie

V`yonne at 10:29 on 24 October 2007  Report this post
Well I like it Joanie. It's strong and intirguing! AND HALLOWEENISH. :)

Tina at 09:28 on 25 October 2007  Report this post
Oh Joanie - if only we could just hack it away - ours or others!!!!

Loved the ending of this and think it is the strongest part of the poem - why not start with this as the beginning of another - it might make a great murder poem!!!

enjoyed thanks
Tina

joanie at 14:34 on 25 October 2007  Report this post
Thanks Tina. That's a good idea. I'll play about with it.

joanie

Ticonderoga at 11:39 on 27 October 2007  Report this post
Strange, disturbing and intriguing......maybe just a tad too allusive - I like Tina's suggestion.

Mike

Ambitions of Lisa at 16:48 on 30 October 2007  Report this post
Joanie

The intrigue grew as I read this poem and the shocking, disturbing end gave it so much impact (In a good way)

I don't think people need to know what the 'offending part' was... its good to use the imagination. :)

Lis


joanie at 19:43 on 03 November 2007  Report this post
A belated thanks for your thoughts, everyone. This was a response to stressed-out teenagers who are often made to feel inadequate for all sorts of reasons and turn to self-harm. The offending part wasn't specific, just the need to cut in order to bring relief. The title is a reference to such young people being 'referred' to the relevant agencies..........

I have followed Tina's suggestion very simply - I think it works much better.

Thanks!

joanie


To post comments you need to become a member. If you are already a member, please log in .