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Derbyshire

by Suzieblu 

Posted: 26 September 2007
Word Count: 115


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Derbyshire

I love to stand on rugged tor

And stride across the empty moor

With wind in hair, and sun on face

For me there is no lovelier place.

Where dry stone walls tumble down

Wooded hills towards market towns

Broad valleys swathed with velvet grasses

Inch towards the hilly passes.

From peaceful Hope to sparkling Dove

The broad sweep of the land I love

The peace and tranquil embrace

Of each and every lovely place

Stays with me when home I go

With images of rain and snow

And scenes that delight the heart

When the sun cleaves the clouds apart.

Lingering in my minds eye

With a beauty that can make me cry.






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Comments by other Members



ireneintheworld at 13:34 on 26 September 2007  Report this post
hey susie

i loved the feel of your poem, it's a beautiful piece of work to come right at you, and i really got the peace and tranquility in the mood of it. well done.

the only things i would look at is the use of the word/s 'lovely' they don't actually describe anything to the reader; they won't evoke any kind of image because their idea of 'lovely' may be completely different from yours. you have to paint the picture that you see without too many comments so that they can feel what you felt.

also, the contrived ryhme; 'when home i go' and perhaps one or two others did stop me in my tracks. i would try and work those into a more modern and acceptable rhyme.

and the last line is pretty abstract; you might be better to get rid of it and end the poem with
'linger in my mind's eye'.

hope i haven't been too rough on you susie, but i thought this was worth bothering with.

irene


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