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My Giddy Aunt

by Jubbly 

Posted: 17 August 2007
Word Count: 298
Summary: My atempt at the crime and punishment challenge.


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My Great Aunt Phyllida never married or had children. She’d always lived with a variety of loyal canine companions who took the roles of partner, friend and surrogate child.

'Look after my Max, ' she pleaded, ‘See he goes to a good home, no children mind, he can’t abide children at his age.’

I nodded and made the right noises.

My aunt closed her eyes but just when I thought I’d have to call a nurse, she spoke again.

‘Peaceful..if you give in….cold..I know! Let go, don’t struggle, just let go! You shouldn’t have taken it, it’s mine, you will give it back!’

A tear rolled down her cheek and she opened her eyes and stared straight ahead.

Weeks after the funeral, while clearing out her house I found a dusty old suitcase under the bed containing an assortment of old lady belongings. Embroidered hankies, odd screw in earrings, and a fading black and white photo circa early 1930’s. Two little girls sat in a faraway garden during a long gone pre war summer. One child was easily identified as Aunt Phyllida, her severe features and prickly personality evident even then, but who was the other?

I unwrapped a silk bundle at the bottom of the case, inside was a little porcelain doll with stringy yellow hair and a missing eye, her white pinafore greying and torn. Alongside the forgotten toy was a folded newspaper cutting . It announced the sad death by drowning of little Audrey Roper aged only eight. The accompanying picture confirmed Audrey as the other girl in the photo, nestling in her arms was her beloved flaxen haired doll, a real beauty , Audrey beamed like a mother with a newborn in contrast Phyllida sneered, perhaps wishing great harm to the doll or its…owner.








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Comments by other Members



Prospero at 13:08 on 17 August 2007  Report this post
Hi Jubbly

This is very chilling and redolent with dark deeds done. Thank you for a very enjoyable read.

Best

John

tiger_bright at 13:16 on 17 August 2007  Report this post
Hi Julie, great shudders from this flash - thanks! I love the idea of the crime being done so long ago, it makes all seem much more sinister, committed in the era of lace dresses and good behaviour.

Tiger

scottwil at 14:38 on 17 August 2007  Report this post
Hi Julie,
This has a lovely sinister undertone throughout for a short piece. For my money though the last line is perhaps more 'tell' than 'show'.
'it's...owner.' - its.



Best
Sion

Jubbly at 15:16 on 17 August 2007  Report this post
Thanks for commenting. You're probably right on that line Sion, I'll have a think, sorted out the grammar.

J
x

Jumbo at 17:48 on 17 August 2007  Report this post
Julie

Spooky! I particularly like the description of the contents of the suitcase. I could almost smell the musty clothes and feel the texture of the old newspaper between my fingers.

Great flash with a superb sense of place and characters.

Thanks for the read

john



V`yonne at 19:37 on 17 August 2007  Report this post
It's really kind of scary.... the secrets that go to the grave and the incidents that form a personality. Deep, dark stuff! Enjoyed it.

choille at 11:25 on 18 August 2007  Report this post
Lovely writing Julie.

It reads factual with all the descriptions - like a tale told around a fireside.

Great stuff.

All the best
Caroline.

Elbowsnitch at 11:33 on 18 August 2007  Report this post
Hi Julie, I think you maybe need a lighter touch at the end. My favourite bit is the spookily surreal

‘Peaceful..if you give in….cold..I know! Let go, don’t struggle, just let go! You shouldn’t have taken it, it’s mine, you will give it back!’


I was almost disappointed when Great Aunt Phyllida's words were later explained, all loose ends neatly tied up! The childless spinster who turns out to be a child murderer. I like all the references to children of various kinds. Echoes and glimses.

Frances

<Added>

Title doesn't quite fit with tone of story?

crowspark at 18:45 on 18 August 2007  Report this post
Hi Julie

That is a very chilling twist in the tale. Great details
a dusty old suitcase under the bed containing an assortment of old lady belongings. Embroidered hankies, odd screw in earrings, and a fading black and white photo circa early 1930’s.

and that telling section in the middle
‘Peaceful..if you give in….cold..I know! Let go, don’t struggle, just let go! You shouldn’t have taken it, it’s mine, you will give it back!’

Scary beans!
Thanks for the read.
Bill


yoyodama at 04:42 on 30 October 2007  Report this post
Hey Julie,

Very haunting. Dolls are just plain freaky.


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