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by hailfabio 

Posted: 25 July 2007
Word Count: 9
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Subtly,
she rejected me.
Then.
Unsubtly,
she rejected me.






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V`yonne at 11:09 on 26 July 2007  Report this post
Stephen, I take it from the full stops that there was a then and a now/later involved so two rejections?
The repetition of the line gives this a poignancy, and deliberate cruelty too.

It says much.
Read the WriteWords interview with Oonah Joslin (V`yonne)
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Account Closed at 17:36 on 27 July 2007  Report this post
Ooh, very powerful indeed! I'd put a line break after line two though. Just give that small pause for breath before the cruel repetition.

Lovely!

A
xxx
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Beanie Baby at 08:17 on 31 July 2007  Report this post
Well written, Stephen. This speaks volumes. Cleverly crafted.
Beanie.
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hailfabio at 10:56 on 31 July 2007  Report this post
Thanks very much for commenting.

Us men don't get 'subtle' haha.

Stephen
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smudger at 14:14 on 01 August 2007  Report this post
This gave me a distinct pang of recognition; very powerful poem, Stephen.
Tony
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Dreamchameleon at 20:57 on 15 September 2007  Report this post
Excellent!
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