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Madrugada Poem
Posted: 13 July 2007
Word Count: 84
Summary: Part of a collection on love. Madrugada - the period between night and dawn. Known to artists as the 'blue hour'.
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Madrugada Poem
Naked
at ease
with my body
at home
with my thoughts
of you
Exposed
vulnerable
yet safe and strong
in my love
in my longing
for you
A soul that stirs
a heart that sings
and a trusting body
send the music
of my fragile being
to you
Your doubts
your deepest fears
and your pain
are all my loving heart
will ever wish to take
from you
Except your love
and generosity
your passion
spirituality
not taken only shared
with you
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Comments by other Members
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 joanie at 18:05 on 14 July 2007
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Hi Zettel. I love the sentiments here and the shift of meaning and development with the closing line of each stanza. I didn't like the italics, however. I can understand what you are doing, but it spoilt the feel of the poem for me.
I like the pattern on the page and the form (I always do!).
Lovely. Excellent title, too.
joanie
<Added>
Adding already.... I am struck by the repetitions within some of the stanzas. (I find that repetition can be very effective but I'm not sure about all of them)
I wondered about the sense of My soul stirs
my heart sings
my trusting body
send the music
of their being
to you |
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Perhaps either 'My stirring soul/my singing heart/my trusting body/send.......
or 'my trusting body/sends ths music/of its being..
I found that I stumbled here.
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.JPG) Zettel at 11:50 on 15 July 2007
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Joannie
Thanks. Right on both counts. I've removed the italics. 'Stirring' doesn' have the right cadence for me but this is my solution to your justified criticism.
Regards
Zettel
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 James Graham at 20:58 on 15 July 2007
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Glad to see the italics removed - I agreed right away with Joanie on that. You have created a verse form for this poem, which - though it's free verse - manages to suggest a song. The verses are of regular length and each ends with a refrain. This formal arrangement does the whole work of displaying the end lines and giving them the emphasis they need. The significance of the different prepositions, of course, is easily picked up by the reader without having them in italics.
Joanie mentioned 'development' too. I see the poem moving from 'me' to 'you'. The first two verses focus on 'me' - my body, my longing; the last two on 'you' - your pain, your passion. The middle verse is still sort of 'me' but seems to be turning towards 'you' in a brief exclamation of praise. There's something satisfying about that pattern.
James.
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Zettel at 22:40 on 15 July 2007
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Thanks both.
It's strange James but I the more I look at songs, the more I am impressed by their wonderful lyrical simplicity. And though it sounds tautologous, the sheer musicality of their rhythm. I would love to write a good song lyric. But I guess I'd have to learn how to do the music first.
Thanks for the comments
Z
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 Jordan789 at 20:09 on 19 July 2007
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i've heard that poetry should only flirt with the line of sentimentality, not chop it in twain with an axe and flop around in the mud on the other side. but, yar, to each his own.
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 Elsie at 21:15 on 19 July 2007
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Zettel - you're the only one I've ever 'met' who seems to know the blue hour. I think the difference with song lyrics and poetry is that one can somehow get away with more abstractions with lyrics, as the music seems to fill in/create the emotion. What I miss in this a poem is something to hang on to, some image in my mind.
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