“Take your hands off me!”

“Sir, you can’t do this in public.”

“Why not? Do ya see those guys over there playing soccer? What about them?”

He could see this was going to be more difficult than he’d imagined. After all it wasn’t exactly illegal...just sort of...weird. If he did arrest this young man, it would most likely make the papers–even the TV news.

Everybody’s always trying to grab their fifteen minutes of fame. Now it’s YouTube. You can be the most downloaded twit in a few days. The sergeant needed to deal with this, people were gathering, and young ones too. How will their parents explain what he’s doing?

“Sir, It’s been a blistering day. For those boys to remove their shirts while playing a sport is publicly acceptable.”

The little girl holding her mother’s hand, was giggling. A couple of rancid teens standing in the back, started to hoot and yell, calling the man on the park bench, a twinkie and a bleedin’ freak.

“OK sir, you leave me no other...”

“Just one minute, I’ve been sittin’ here takin’ care of my baby for an hour! What kind of parent would I be if I let my little one go hungry? Tell me that! People get arrested every day for abusing their children and now ya want to arrest me for doing the exact opposite?"

“But sir.”

“But my ass. I’m almost finished and I am going to stay put until I am.”

The sergeant called the station to ask for back-up. He knew the crowd would get into this one.

“Sir, first, you are nursing a plastic baby and second, men’s nipples are completely useless. You’ll need to come with me.”